i know you care {d10tribs}
Feb 2, 2014 4:27:06 GMT -5
Post by ✨ zozo. on Feb 2, 2014 4:27:06 GMT -5
S A F F R O N L O W E i see it in the way you stare as if there was trouble ahead and you knew it - but i will be saving myself for the ruin and i know you care It took everything I've ever felt to get out of bed this morning. I am usually one of two things when I wake up - flung from my bed by nightmares, or chained to it by memory. The 23 souls resting in my chest seem to have gotten heavier and heavier as the days drew closer. Dread is an understatement to what you feel as a Victor leading up to Reaping Day. I can barely remember my own reaping, the days seem so long ago and my life before another life altogether, one that does not belong to me. That girl died the minute she stepped foot upon that platform. This new one, born from an arena she shouldn't have had to rule, barely lives her own life anymore. She just sits, and stares, and buries herself in the past. ("Saffron, honey? You've got to get up now. They'll be here soon.") My mother speaks to me from a distance these days - and I'm glad. One day I'll be able to wrap my arms around her and thank her for everything with the little words I speak. One day I'll have more than just a house and money and food to give her. One day. But not today. My dress does not itch like the one I wore to my reaping. It's from the Capitol - they dolled me up all nice and clean, painting away the darkness under my eyes that's spilled from my pupils and seeped into my face. (I look in the mirror and see a stranger. Her eyes hurt the most - they're so sad. I wonder what happened to the bright little eyes that held secrets and stories, and then I remember that they now hold 23 broken memories and all the horrors laced within them instead.) If I tried to smile, perhaps I would be believable - but I won't give them that satisfaction. They don't deserve it. (I don't look as they draw out the names. When I don't hear Paige's name I almost sigh with selfish relief - Not Paige, I think - an echo that will haunt me for 5 more years until I can't dare to think it at all. No, not Paige at all.) They're older than Paige - older than me. I don't remember what I was thinking when I asked Mace if I could speak to them first. I don't remember a lot of conversations that float through my ears these days, but I suppose I knew what I was saying in that moment because I don't say a lot. Maybe I wanted to say more, do more, be more for these kids who I'll try so desperately to save. Victors are supposed to be Gods in the eyes of the Capitol, but I've yet to prove myself worthy for any title at all. I want to be a sort of greatness that these two that the Capitol could never understand. (What where their names? Aurora. Thistle. Remember those, I tell myself sternly.) I want to be their hope. To be their stepping stones when they don't think they can take another. They can, and they will. I did it, once upon a time. And I'm not much, and probably never will be, but in this moment I have decided to bestow myself upon these two and do whatever it takes to get them home. (One of them, at least.) I will not be great, or godly - I'll just be brave. I will be brave, I think. I have to be. For them. (For all of them.) The carriage looms in front of me and I hesitate at the door. Perhaps they won't take me seriously. Perhaps their faces will fall when they see my face and not Mace's. Perhaps I will just sit and stare and say nothing at all like I always do. Perhaps I'll freeze. Perhaps I'll cry. Or perhaps, I'll be brave. "Thistle," I nod, forcing myself to speak as I enter the compartment, sitting in front of these doomed souls. (There is no point in greetings or apologies. We're past that point already.) "Aurora." I nod again, District 10 manner seeping from my soul. There is so much to say, and nothing at all. "Tell me what you need, and I'll endeavor to get it done. I promise." template by chelsey |
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