{ a l o n e } in the cold | briar & pumpkiny
Feb 5, 2014 18:35:22 GMT -5
Post by м е ш on Feb 5, 2014 18:35:22 GMT -5
IVAN BRAGINSKI
because one is the loneliest number that you'll ever do
Most people hate winter. I like the cold. It's like all the snow and ice and crisp cold air understands me. No one understands me, the awfully terrible and scary Ivan. No one wants to, either. And I don't blame them. If I were normal and I saw myself as a different, I would run away just like everyone else. I can't approach anyone. No one approaches me.
I’d like to be able to ask humanity why, why why why why this awful side was given to me. Why me, of everyone? But I know that answer to that. Because I was a doormat. Because I became a monster. The only person I can ask why to is myself. Why did I make myself into that monster? Why? I’d also like to be able to ask people why I don’t have any friends.
Too bad I know already.
You can cut a fuse short, but you can't make one grow longer. Why oh why did I cut mine? Now I can't even handle the most pathetic of all insults without threatening to pound their face into dust. I wish for a time machine to be able to go back and change into a more assertive person instead of a bully. Maybe I would have friends.
All I can do is sit and observe how normal people are like. And so I sit. I sit and watch as everyone else chatters away with their friends and companions, complaining about the weather. Once in a while I'll catch someone's eye, and they look like they're about to scream in horror and say something like "Everybody run! Ivan looked at me! He's gonna kill us all! Run for your life!"
Waiting for the bus really sucks. Come on, stupid bus, please just hurry up and come over. I want to go home. I want to go to bed. I want to get away from all these people in groups. I want to get away from all these people who live in fear of me. And then I realize that these are just little things that are there because I don't have something much much bigger.
I want a friend. I don't exactly know how it's like to have a real friend. I've never had one before, but I've seen people. And to be honest, it looks fun. Having someone who'll willingly keep you company and talk to you and genuinely like you. Friends don't have to wait for the bus like I do.
I wait alone.