Armin Arlert {Peacekeeper}

I've never been strong.

I'm short, I'm scrawny, I'm frail. I'm not the hero. I can't save myself and I couldn't fight back all those times when bullies cornered me, hammering bruises into me. The bottom line is, Armin Arlert is a crybaby who needs his friends to save him whenever he's in trouble. I hate thinking about it that way, but I can't help it. The truth about who I am is always painful to bear and even more painful to hear from others. It feels burdening to be saved by your friends, even when you're grateful for their loyalty and determination. Eren has always been the most determined guy I've ever met; I admire him for it, even if he's brash and impulsive. Mikasa I envy for her strength. People fear and respect her while they step all over me. Eren and Mikasa are my best friends and I would die for them in a heartbeat, but sometimes I just wish I could match them rather than be their inferior - rather than be nothing but dead weight.

I only trained to become a Peacekeeper because Eren and Mikasa wanted to. I had always wanted to travel and see the rest of Panem, to explore every district and everything outside the boundaries just to see how beautiful it was. I'm from the Capitol, so everything was just buildings and colors, and while I love my home I wanted to see more. Eren did too, and I know that's part of why he wanted to become a Peacekeeper. Mikasa decided to follow him in his footsteps, but I was terrified. I thought I wouldn't have the talent for it, especially when Mikasa was the top student and Eren placed fifth. Me? I didn't make top ten. I'm too soft, too weak - but Eren and Mikasa insisted that I could make up for it with my intellect. They say I'm a master strategist, that my plans are ingenious. I'll admit that I do love to plan and strategize, but I can't help but feel like my plots are inadequate. What if something goes wrong? What if I miss something crucial? Our jobs are dangerous, I can't afford to screw up, ever! I can't put their lives in more danger. That's why it's nerve-wracking, all of it. Yet they never doubt me for a second. It baffles me, but it's also the only encouragement I've got.

Our jobs aren't normal. We're not your typical Peacekeepers that travel the districts, guard the Detention Center, and interrogate prisoners. Eren and Mikasa wanted to channel their talents into something much more dangerous. Lead by Levi Ackerman, one of the scariest, fastest and deadliest men I've ever met, the group is called the Survey Corps. They're trained to use special equipment called 3D Manuever Gear to hunt down wanderers, criminals, mutts, or anything deemed dangerous. They're the ones who handle the worst of the worst, and now I'm a member of the squad along with my two best friends. Honestly, I'm surprised they approved me as a member. They're supposed to be killers that rid this world of evil and danger. Me? I'm no hero. I can't even save myself. But they insisted that they needed someone with a mind like mine. I didn't know whether to be anxious or honored.

I often feel like I don't belong here. Levi is ruthless and frightening; a true soldier despite his attitude. Eren is headstrong and persistent, never backing down when.. Mikasa is brave and collected, loyal to her friends and invincible in battle. Sasha is the cheerful peacemaker, unable to let gloom ruin her moods. Jean is a bit hot-headed and unpredictable, but at least he's trustworthy and strong. I have very little to be proud of. I try to be determined, but I worry so much about my friends and I worry so much about being useful and doing everything right like I'm supposed to. Everything I do feels like it's not enough. I want to be brave like Mikasa, but as I follow them all I can feel is cold terror and dread in my gut. I think Levi knows it too, but he never says anything to me. I want to be intimidating and strong; I want to be a hero. But like the bullies always said, I'm probably going to fail. They struck me, but I'll never strike back. I'm not a killer, just a coward, and I haven't killed a single thing since I joined this squad.

My eyes are usually downcast. As I stare at my reflection all I can see are frightened blue eyes - a scared little boy way out of his league. I put on a brave mask for my friends and for Levi, but is it enough? I don my uniform: a white collared shirt, a brown jacket and the emerald Survey Corps' cape with their symbol etched in the back (wings of freedom, they say) and ask myself if I'm ready to go out on missions once again with the squad. Every day we're meant to expect danger and face it without hesitation. Eren lives for it and Mikasa is so talented that it wouldn't matter if she hated it, but me? Well, I usually design a plan of action and sometimes Levi lets me choose how we will be divided and what directions we will take. I don't know why they all trust me so much. It's so much weight on my shoulders that it feels like my bones are snapping under the pressure. What if I get one of them killed? I'd lose a friend, I wouldn't be able to live with myself, and everyone else would hate me.

I take a deep breath. In. Out. You can do this, Armin. This is your job. I have to stay strong for Eren, for Mikasa, for Levi.

For myself.

I'm ready.