I Don't Know What You Are //Erwin + Levi {{6 years ago}}
Mar 10, 2014 4:41:29 GMT -5
Post by ✌ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ on Mar 10, 2014 4:41:29 GMT -5
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When I joined up with the Special Operations squad so long ago, I knew exactly what it entailed. I have never been one to cut corners, nor to go into anything without researching before hand. I knew that my job might deal with killing civilians, as well as neer do wells. I also knew that it would have to do with the mutts that roam the large forests around the districts. They had become a plague on their own creators, making it a necessity to remove some from around the barriers that kept each living area safe. However, not all of them were to be taken, it was a simple cull that should happen every few months. The higher ups were pleased with the idea of monsters that roamed the countrysides, making the idea of escape from the districts less and less of a good idea.
However, I have come to an understanding with this, of why it must be so. I struggled at first. I do not know much about the people from the districts, I only know that they are our enemy. I have not seen enough of the world yet, I am only twenty-two this year, still green. Yet, I know what I know. There are some things that you learn at a young age, and poverty, hunger, fear and sorrow were the very first words and feelings I knew. It is a universal feeling, I believe. So I know that I should not worry for the people enclosed in the tall fences, as if they are creatures in a zoo and nothing more, but my heart cannot, it yearns to protect them all.
For the first time in my short career, I made a mistake. It was yesterday morning. We were chasing down a pack of hyena hybrids, always intent on eating everything in sight, be it flesh or vegetation. They were doing a real number on the forests around Seven, we were ordered to cull the group of thirty down to five. A friend and I were chasing a group of the things along the fence line, they were desperate to get away. There was a hole, just big enough for one to wiggle through, there was a family, having a dim copy of what a picnic might be in the Capitol. There was a little boy.
I bring one hand up to cover my eyes as if I don't want to see the next bit, but there is no way of stopping the playback in my head. I was not fast enough. The child was devoured right in front of his parent's eyes.
So here I am now, five thirty in the morning and standing in the middle of the training circle that rests in the outer yard of the special operations complex. I have been here an hour already, running, doing exercises, trying to wipe the image of the little boy from my brain. My shirt had been abandoned long minutes ago, too hot for the level of training that I was putting myself through. My friend had given me a pat on the back when he came across the wreckage of the beast I had slaughtered in response. He told me that it happens. It had never happened to me before this moment. I couldn't look the weeping mother in the eye. We had been ordered to cull the mutts down to five, but I made certain that we killed every last one of them. The five carcasses that would go unaccounted for went the enemy, the family of the boy that had been killed.
I try and replicate the killing blows, sweat pouring down my back in the early morning chill as I swiped the sword through the air, already beyond experienced. I was the youngest officer they'd had in a while, made a lieutenant when I was only twenty years old. I was allowed mistakes, that did not mean I meant to make them. There was no one to talk to about this, the squad mates said they understood but how could they? The people I had sworn to protect had been hurt by my own foolish mistakes. I deserved any and all punishment.
I push the sword aggressively through the air and dance along with a foe that is not there. This one does not have four legs, he is human, taller than me, better, stronger, one I have never been able to beat. He is better than me in every way, I am always dueling with this invisible man, waiting for the day that I am better than him. I do not think it will ever come. Aggravated, I stop and fall to my knees, pushing my head into the handle of my sword as if I am bowing down to a mighty emperor. My breath is the only thing that breaks the silence. I can hear the wailing of the mother still. It is fresh, in here, in my head.
However, I have come to an understanding with this, of why it must be so. I struggled at first. I do not know much about the people from the districts, I only know that they are our enemy. I have not seen enough of the world yet, I am only twenty-two this year, still green. Yet, I know what I know. There are some things that you learn at a young age, and poverty, hunger, fear and sorrow were the very first words and feelings I knew. It is a universal feeling, I believe. So I know that I should not worry for the people enclosed in the tall fences, as if they are creatures in a zoo and nothing more, but my heart cannot, it yearns to protect them all.
For the first time in my short career, I made a mistake. It was yesterday morning. We were chasing down a pack of hyena hybrids, always intent on eating everything in sight, be it flesh or vegetation. They were doing a real number on the forests around Seven, we were ordered to cull the group of thirty down to five. A friend and I were chasing a group of the things along the fence line, they were desperate to get away. There was a hole, just big enough for one to wiggle through, there was a family, having a dim copy of what a picnic might be in the Capitol. There was a little boy.
I bring one hand up to cover my eyes as if I don't want to see the next bit, but there is no way of stopping the playback in my head. I was not fast enough. The child was devoured right in front of his parent's eyes.
So here I am now, five thirty in the morning and standing in the middle of the training circle that rests in the outer yard of the special operations complex. I have been here an hour already, running, doing exercises, trying to wipe the image of the little boy from my brain. My shirt had been abandoned long minutes ago, too hot for the level of training that I was putting myself through. My friend had given me a pat on the back when he came across the wreckage of the beast I had slaughtered in response. He told me that it happens. It had never happened to me before this moment. I couldn't look the weeping mother in the eye. We had been ordered to cull the mutts down to five, but I made certain that we killed every last one of them. The five carcasses that would go unaccounted for went the enemy, the family of the boy that had been killed.
I try and replicate the killing blows, sweat pouring down my back in the early morning chill as I swiped the sword through the air, already beyond experienced. I was the youngest officer they'd had in a while, made a lieutenant when I was only twenty years old. I was allowed mistakes, that did not mean I meant to make them. There was no one to talk to about this, the squad mates said they understood but how could they? The people I had sworn to protect had been hurt by my own foolish mistakes. I deserved any and all punishment.
I push the sword aggressively through the air and dance along with a foe that is not there. This one does not have four legs, he is human, taller than me, better, stronger, one I have never been able to beat. He is better than me in every way, I am always dueling with this invisible man, waiting for the day that I am better than him. I do not think it will ever come. Aggravated, I stop and fall to my knees, pushing my head into the handle of my sword as if I am bowing down to a mighty emperor. My breath is the only thing that breaks the silence. I can hear the wailing of the mother still. It is fresh, in here, in my head.
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