THE TALE OF A {PYTHON'S} BIRTHDAY

Once upon a time there was this one chick that made all the bitches jealous with her voluptuous curves. All the boys in the land desired her, but she was #2fab4them, so she would just go chill in her tower and stroke her extremely large python. (She had a pet python get your mind outta the gutter kid.)

Then, one day, out of nowhere, the most handsome prince in the land known as Darius caught sight of her pushing a small child out of the window of her tower. "I must marry this woman." he decided, and rode his steed up to the tower. "Claudia, Claudia! Let down thy-" but the girl spoke. "You know, I have a door. Why in the hell do people always wanna climb three stories into the air to crawl through my window? Like, seriously? And how the hell do you know my name? I've never even seen you before!"

"Uh." He said, and ran around the circular building. Indeed, there was a wooden door that, when opened, showed a spiral staircase. He climbed the steps with ease, eager to see his true love up close and personal. He burst into the room with sheer passion in his eyes. "Claudia, oh, how I long to hold your hand!" he sighed, and she pursed her lips. "And I want to be a millionaire but we don't always get what we want, do we?" A forced laugh left his lips. She was trying to joke with him, right?

Clearing his throat, he crouched down onto one knee. "Claudia, the moment I saw you was all I needed to know that I wanted to spend my life with you. Will you please be my bride." Shock registered on her face, genuine surprise painting her perfectly crafted features like any artist's brush would. "Um, no."

Then the boy cried and turned to run away, but Claudia protested. "Wait! I realized something!" He turned to her, his tear-filled eyes suddenly lighting up with a little hope. "I am a millionaire! Silly me! Okay, carry on." So he cried more and ate his feelings and and died of loneliness.

The end.


Das you birthday gift. Ur welc. Ily.



Basically, you are the greatest person ever, and I literally have no idea how I was living before I met you? I think at this point I am actually addicted to you. (Yes, this includes physically.) You are like a drug. You are a drug. You are like meth. And not even good meth, like meth made by creepy guys that live in trees or something. Shame on you. Your parents raised you to be better than that. You could have been like a celebrity's meth, you know? Ugh. Whatever.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. You are my bestest fwiend, and I love you to the moon and back, and I hope you have a perfect birthday tomorrow. (or today if you live on the other side of the world) I just couldn't accept anyone else starting this because I wanted to be the first to wish you the BEST birthday, and to tell you I love you and I hope you get lots of good things!

Also sorry about this post like what is it tbh I have no clue I think I am on that meth I was telling you about. Ily bye <3333