isla swan :: district six

Her light blonde tresses are bleached white-blonde in the moonlight. Her skin is still fair, but it looks . . . different. It looks deathly and devoid of color. The absence of pink flaming in her cheeks is chilling to you. If her eyes were open, they would be deep, cerulean blue oceans with many fathoms. But they are closed, and all that can be seen is her eyelids and the blonde eyelashes that line her lids. She looks serene laying in her casket, wrapped in a deep blue dress, like she's in a deep sleep. But you know that she is not sleeping.

She is dead. Ellery is dead. Your sweet little sister, a pink rose among gray, crumpled daises, is gone. The breath was sucked out of her lungs by leukemia. The cancer stole away her life, which was full of promise. Elli had so many things that she wanted to do. She wanted to have a princess wedding (you even found a jar of coins she had been saving to make her princess wedding happen) and have beautiful, fair-haired children with bright blue eyes. She wanted to grow up and be happy. Cancer smashed her little jar of dreams and hopes, but that wasn't enough. Cancer had to take Elli, too, and along with Elli went my heart.

The night is silent, and would be eery if not for the brilliant points of light in the sky. The dark sky is speckled with billions stars, each one twinkling like the coins in Elli's jar. There is beauty in the scene, but you are too sad to appreciate it, too focused on Ellery. She looks so much like you, with her blonde hair and blue eyes and fair skin. She even shares your upturned nose.

"Are you in the stars tonight, Elli?" You say to her corpse. "Is that one you?" You point to the brightest star in the sky. Tears trickle down your cheeks as you speak. The tears in your eyes are fire. They burn, but you can't stop crying. "You know, Elli," you sob, "In those constellations, in those stars, there are billions of fictions. If you . . . if you just look, you can see them. You can unravel the stars and turn them into stories."

You are oblivious to the crowd of your relatives behind you. You brush your hand across Ellery's cheek and continue to sob, louder this time. "You're in the stars, too. Your story is written in there. If I connect the stars, I can see you Elli . . ! I can see you. You're still here, you're just in the sky . . . . "

There is no religion in Panem, but you like to think that people go somewhere after death. There can't just be darkness in death. There as to be something at the end of that dark tunnel. How can people just be tossed into oblivion? They can't be . . . they can't be . . . . It's not fair.

The fiery tears burn hotter as more tears fall from your eyes. They're more like . . . acid raindrops than tears. "You're okay, Elli, you're okay," I cry. "Isla is here. Your sister is here . . . Momma is here, too. We're right here with you, just like always. Momma's right behind me in the front row. Our entire family is here . . . just for you." My sobbing turns into desperate screams. "You were supposed to grow up, Elli! You were saving up for a princess wedding! You were supposed to live for a long, long time!"

Your father's hands grip your shoulder, pulling you away from Elli's body. You try to resist him, but he's too strong for you. He yanks you away from Ellery and forces you to sit in your chair. When you wipe your eyes, mascara-tinted tears stain your skin. Black liquid must be spread messily underneath your eyes, but you don't care. Your straight blonde hair slowly transforms into a haystack as you begin to claw at it. By the end of the night, you'll probably look like a zombie.

"I can't do this," you blurt. "I can't just sit here and nod and smile as people say 'you have my condolences,' when most of them don't give a shit." You only said what was on your mind, as you always do, but your words left your mouth bitter, like the tarts your mother makes. (She is not a good cook.)

As you rise from your seat, no one tries to hold you down. You don't meet the eyes of anyone, but you can see the stares of the crowd burning into your back. You walk away without looking back. You break into a run, and as the world around you turns into a silver and green blur, all you can think about is how unfair this is. You've been a good girl for your entire life. You were a mother to Ellery and to other young children. You have been kind and you have been honest. Honesty has gotten you into to trouble before, because you say offensive things because they're true, but regardless of that, you have been good.

You are well-liked, although you have a few friends because you prefer solitude and you are shy and have bad social skills. You are loyal to the few friends that you have. You have never betrayed them, and you have always stood by them. You are a good person, but this is how you are repaid? What do you have to hold onto now? Elli is gone. Your parents probably think you're crazy now. What do you have to go back to?

Nothing. The only thing you have left is a small house with a narrow room with a wooden cradle that you built and a jar of coins. Just like Ellery, you are lifeless. Your heart still pumps blood through your veins, but you are as empty as a corpse. You will fall into a dark abyss because you have nothing to keep you hanging off of the cliff. You will fall and fall and fall . . . until you hit the bottom.

And what then? Do you die? Do you keep going? Do you walk blindly through the dark, waiting to see the light? Maybe you just flail in the darkness forever until you die. And what's after that? Darkness? Light? Nothing?

Maybe we're just in the dark forever.

words: 1078
theme song: "cold" by jorge méndez.