Walking Dreamers :: [Andorra + Lagg]
Apr 6, 2014 15:13:58 GMT -5
Post by L△LIA on Apr 6, 2014 15:13:58 GMT -5
( C H A P T E R O N E )
Field trip day is the best day ever1 and if you disagree, well, you are wrong. You are so wrong that I feel bad for you2 because obviously you do not understand what fun is if you would rather be in a math class than visiting a totally weird Panem history museum full of life-sized people statues3 doing I-don't-even-know-what4 and glass cases filled with even more I-don't-even-know-what.5 Don't judge me for not knowing things. I am here to learn. I'm not supposed to know things yet, okay?
2I feel bad for you on almost the same level as if you had never tasted chocolate chip cookies before or won a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors or seen a rainbow12 or jumped into a puddle without worrying about getting splashed with water or spun around in two dozen circles on a dare, just to prove that you could do it without getting sick, even though secretly your stomach couldn't have taken even one more turn.
3Okay, it is so terrible, but my favorite is one of the life-before-Panem ones and oh my gosh, you are going to think I am really an awful person for it. There are all sorts of things about hunting and gathering and how life was so much harder before the Capitol was here to help, but then there are also lots of things about the terrible stuff people did to each other without the Capitol and the Hunger Games around to remind us about how life used to be. There is this one scene where people are lost in the mountains and there is a little plaque that tells about how they were so hungry they started eating each other and how having Districts and organization saves us from ourselves. There is a little kid tied to a spit over the fire to roast and I know it's supposed to be the opposite of hilarious, but I have to shove my fist into my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. It's all very dramatic, but they forgot to make the kid look scared. Instead his face just looks like the fire is very warm and pleasant and boring. It's really bad, but so funny because there is no way that was ever real life. I dare you not to laugh. I dare you.
4I don't understand what a stock is or how it crashes like a car if it's not made of machinery, but a couple of fake men in some equally fake suits looks very upset about it.
5Funny looking shoes, sporks,13 pieces of machines that used to do things instead of people, books without pages and made of metal, and a whole collection of scary looking warning signs for all the stuff the Capitol got rid of that used to be able to kill people.14 Wow.
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I think it's all pretty neat and exciting, like we're time traveling,6 but some of my classmates look so bored I am surprised they haven't fallen over to spontaneously nap on the floor. Not one or two, but three of the boys are picking their noses7 and flicking their boogers at each other while some of the other girls behind me have started a game of truth or dare.8 I'm reading all the little plaques and signs just like I'm supposed to and smashing my face up against the glass cases for a closer look — probably exactly like I'm not supposed to — and every time our teacher catches my eye with a scolding glance I pretend like I'm playing hide and seek and duck behind a girl with hair that is curly, fluffy, and big as a cloud. Poof! I am gone. Turned face-to-face with one of the boys who thankfully doesn't have a finger shoved up his nose, I shoot him a grin as if I have just escaped real trouble.9 "Psst," my voice is as hushed as a life-and-death conspiracy, "is Miss Carrington still looking at me?"
And then a step to the right
Put your hands on your hips
You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insane
Let's do the time-warp again15
7Ew, cooties.14
8I sort of want to play with them, but one of them is daring another to go say something to one of the nose-pickers and that is One: gross. Two: boring. Three: Seriously, I did not escape a Reaping just to die from cooties.
9Such as: Cooties, zombies, cannibalism, stock crashes, deformed cats,18 attempting to eat soup with a spork, etc.
10Superman, Wonder Woman, and Batman need to up their game. I am just saying. Slackers.
11It's the only thing I can do. It might not be much, but I am really, really good at it.
12For the record, leprechauns are real. I saw one once.16
13Our teacher says it's a spoon and a fork at the same time — which actually sounds sort of fun — but I don't understand how you eat soup with a spoon that has holes in it. Sometimes I just want to eat soup. Don't make that difficult. Soup is not a game. At least, it's not a very fun one.17
14I bet you could make zombies with that kind of toxic stuff. Now that's a safety problem.
15See Appendix One: A.
16My brother Niko says it was deformed cat,18 but Niko knows even less than I do, so he's probably wrong. I am pretty sure about this one.
17Now I am so hungry that I could probably eat a small child.3 Gosh.
18Meow!
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( A P P E N D I X O N E )
A. Richard O'Brien, Patricia Quinn, Little Nell. "The Time Warp" The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Ode, 1975. 4.
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