Wishing waiting (Marree)

The white lights above me become one big blurr as my eyes are loosing their focus while my mind is loosing it's ability to feel the majority of the pain I'm in. Almost comfortably numb I lay on the bed that's being pushed down the hallway with heart rate wires attached to my chest and that darn tube under my right arm. I'm oblivious to these things though.

For the briefest of moments I think I've seen Kyanite. Dark hair, lean figure. She's with somebody. Why isn't she with me?
I try to call her but my lips don't cooperate. Whatever they've given me would calm down an elephant I guess.
I'm still there though, aware how dangerous my condition could be for my life.

The next moment a wall and doors block the view of Ky's slender form, which is soon replaced by the beeping of machines, sterile smell and endless medical equipment.

The doctor explains what he's doing. Something about x ray and blood test...whatever ....just don't let me drown in my own blood.
I try to wipe it from my lip but my hand is way to uncoordinated and the short, strained breaths have left me with no energy whatsoever.

I'm close to blacking out so I close my eyes.

The waiting and hoping for the best becomes endless and truth be told I can only think that Jins will win. Over me, over her. He'll be sitting in his cell laughing because he killed me. What will Ky do? What is she doing now? Is she breaking down, crying, trying to protect herself, does she care enough to stay close?

The endless wait ends when the results of the x-rays come back and a hand gently shakes my shoulder.
I open my eyes and find an oxygen mask over my nose. When did that happen?

I see their mouths move but can barely hear what they're saying, nor focus my eyes properly.
All I make out is. "Pulmonary laceration." Whatever that means.
I nod as if I know what they're talking about.
"Do you understand?" One asks me but all I can groan is. "No."

One of the nurses pulls the mask of her face and throws her gloves into a garbage can before she pushes a strand of hair behind her ear and approaches the small group taking care of Kyanite.

For a moment she carefully watches what's going on. Then she sits down next to the two dark haired siblings.
"Are you okay?"
She lets her gaze wander from sister to brother and back. The woman isn't concerned with what sort of relationships her patients and visitors have but she's seen the young woman in her patients room and now she's laying here in complete distress and on the verge of breaking down. So it's in her nature to give her some form of reassurance.
"I just wanted to let you know about your friend. I can't tell you the details because it's confidential but I can tell you it's serious. Mr. Dunham's stable but we're watching him closely in case he needs surgery. We'll know more in the morning. You might want to go home, get some rest and come back tomorrow."
She offers both Ruzes a smile and gets up looking pretty tired herself.

I've declared that I have no idea what they're trying to tell me but I get the sense of urgency in their voices. There's no need to tell me not to sit up because every little movement is agonizing so I lay as still as I can on my bad side because that's the only way to breath somewhat normal. While the tube in my side causes discomfort my arm is supporting my head but my eyes keep closing on me while I try to comprehend just how bad I really am.
There's one thought in my head that keeps me from actually thinking straight. I could die.
Never before have I've gone down that road with my thoughts. Never have I been this afraid. Never did I become so consumed by anxiety.
"We need you to lay still, don't move, don't talk, don't cough." I hear most of the instructions given by the doctor who's moved around the bed so I can see him.
"Did you hear me, Mr. Dunham?" His voice is slow and loud as if he was talking to a drunk.
I only nod my head and try to focus on his old, wrinkly face framed by some white hair.
If he's this old he hopefully will have enough experience to know what he's doing.

My thoughts drift away to Kyanite. I wish she was here right now. Close enough to hold my hand because I feel so incredibly lonely. For all these people I'm just another patient. one that might live or not. They've seen many come and go. They're indifferent about it because they have to be. Otherwise their job would be impossible for them. Just like Max, who distances himself.
But Ky cares. I know that. To her I am not just another person. She needs me to be okay, I know for sure. Just like my father....has anybody told him what's going on? What if I don't see tomorrow? Will he know? Is there a chance that this might happen? Should I ask?
"Am I going to live?" My voice is breaking up laced with thick emotions while I feel my throat tighten considerably.
If it gets any tighter or I feel any lonelier I'll start sobbing. It's hard to keep it together right now. But somehow I do.

The old man wrinkles his brow and nods. "Most likely. If the cut in your lung doesn't close itself up, we'll close it. You'll be fine, boy." A reassuring nod is all I get. What else can I expect. At least he's somewhat sure that I'll be okay.

"Just stay still. Don't aggrovate it. Sleep. That's best."

If only I could.

The night becomes longer than any night before because every time I fall into a light sleep I get woken by terrifying thoughts: Images of drowning, images of Kyanite all alone, images of fighting an unknown monster and finally simply the beeping of the heart rate monitor.

Sweat soaked I lay in a dark room left by everybody. Friends, family, staff. Do I even have friends? I only know of one and he isn't around either. It's just me and the machines and a shit load of pain that seems to be tearing up my chest and suffocating me at the same time.
Staring at the opposite wall I remain calm though. I feel a cold shiver running over my bare back but don't dare to tug on the bed cover.

I try to return to the sleep filled with night mares but until the early hours of the morning I'm too full of fear to find any more sleep.
Desperately I focus on the only good thing I know, who makes it all worth it. Kyanite. I picture her with every detail I remember: Every freckle, scare, the way her hair falls over her shoulders, her smile, how her voice sounds when she chats or wants to be seductive. Her life for mine...would it be worth it?

That's when I'm so exhausted that nothing would keep me awake any longer. So when the first rays of sun crawl up on the horizon I fall into a dreamless sleep.

--

After leaving Kyanite and her brother the nurse, who had talked to them, returns to the station. She keeps a close eye on her monitors and alarms while filling in a sheet but she also has a brief talk with her colleague about Kyanite to get her story. Learning that the young lady has just been released gives her a little more understanding, so she lets her sleep in the hallway, even comes back to provide her with a blanket.
"There's really nothing you can do here."

When the dark haired guy approaches her and asks about his sister seeing the patient she has to deny.
"I'm sorry. She can't. He's needs rest. That's very important." That's all the explanation Jeran gets before she returns to filling in her form.

--
That same night another visitor gets shoed away. The young woman has long red hair, plae skin and blue eyes. Not knowing what to do she paces the floor for a while but eventually sits down in the chairs near the sibling drawing her jeans jacket closer around her shoulders.
A look to the side confirms that these two are waiting for someone, maybe even Matthew because there are only two rooms opposite of the chairs.

She gives the young woman a weak smile and clears her throat.
"I was wondering. Do you know anything about Matthew Dunham?"

For a moment the young strawberry blonde woman has to wait until she recieves and answer from the girl in the plastic chairs nearby.
"I wish I knew myself. Since I'm not family, they won't tell me anything. I'm so worried about him."
So they don't know anything either. Biting her bottom lip she pushes a strand of hair behind her ear wondering who these two are. It's not like Matthew has female friends. Let alone people who care about him enough to look this worried. The raven haired girl looks like she's been crying and up for days.

"How did you know Matthew was here?" The girl asks so the new comer musters up a weak smile and answers.
"I got a call from the hospital because they couldn't reach our father."
She seems to be struggling a little as well. Maybe for whole different reasons but she does. It's been years since she's last seen her brother and she didn't come here entirely on her own free will. It needed a push from her husband to actually make the trip into town even though the girl knew that it had to be serious if she got a call.
"I'll check again. Maybe I should mention that I'm family. I'm his Trinity, his sister."

Then she walks away to the station, this time talking to a different male nurse and after a few minutes comes back to the seats.
Her already pale color of skin has almost turned to white as she slowly sits to digest what she heard.
Her head turns to see the other girl but there aren't any tears.
"Do you want to know what's going on?"

Before she can say a word the same guy, who has just started his shift is approaching my room with fast steps because one of the monitors had alarmed him, so she freezes only to ease up a little when he returns not long after in a more relaxed way.
"He said that Matthew's right lung has been punctured by a dagger..." Her face becomes weary because she has no idea what happened.
"It's still bleeding and unless it closes up by itself they'll have to operate him...." Her eyes become fixed on the girl and her sleeping brother.
"What on earth happened, do you know?"
She can only assume that her brothers explosive personality finally came and bit him in the ass. "Did he provoke a fight?"

--


Sometime in the early hours of the morning I get woken up by a hefty coughin fit while all through the night I was okay because of the meds they had put into my system.
Unfortunately it stopped right here, together with my much needed sleep as it violently shakes me and tears up my chest. I need to lay still. Instead I find myself curling up in pain on my side, pulling my knees up and trying my very best to suppress any more coughing. Screwing up my face I try to taste the same coppery taste in my mouth although I'm only half conscious. With everything I have I hope it's not coming to my lips anymore.
I keep my eyes closed because I'm too torn up but the taste doesn't come. Thank goodness.

With somewhat even breaths I lay there, still and more alone than ever, on the side of the bed with my right arm dangling over the edge and numb. I want to go back to sleep but the coughing chased it away.
All I can think about is her. That must mean something. I want HER to be here with me, during what could be my last day or the first of a new chapter.

If it really is I know that I never want Kyanite to be seperated from me again. I long for her to be near me so much. Never before have I felt the need to share everything with somebody more than her. Never before have I put myself in harms way for a girl. This must mean something.

--
After some tests in the morning and another x-ray the male nurse who is just finishing his shift approaches the group of three who spent the whole night in the hallway and offers them a smile.
"There's a coffee machine down the hall."
He stops in front of them and adds.
"We just ran some tests. For now things are looking better. You can have a few minutes each but try to keep it short."

OOC: I can give you a brief response from Trin to work with but Matthew is practically half a day ahead of your already.

Once again pulling her jeans jacket closer around her slender form Trinity watches the nurse rush back and forth but then pays attention to the girl, who looks so broken up about her brothers fate.
She explains something about him saving her and the peace keeper academy. All this is news to her. Trinity had no idea that her brother of all people was trying to become a law enforcer.
“Matt’s becoming a peace keeper? Seriously? My brother has been in trouble from day one because of his shitty attitude and now he wants to be the guy who does it all right?” A snarl is leaving her mouth but then she quickly reminds herself where she is and that it might be a good place to keep down the attitude.
To think that Matthew actually helped a girl is as incredible as Santa coming down in person.
It had to have been because it was a call of duty. No questions asked.
Despite her obvious dislike for the younger sibling she can sense that the girl with the green and blue streaks on her neck is in true uproar. Maybe due to what happened, maybe due to feelings for him, who knows.
"Why did you come for him, after all this time? You wouldn't be here unless he was worse off then what you're telling me."
Her words show that she knows more about Trinity than any stranger would.
“That’s all they’re telling me. If you ask me bleeding into your chest sounds pretty serious to me.” For a moment she contemplates whether her brother might actually deserve this fate. Quickly she comes to the conclusion that nobody does. Not even him.
“Why do you care so much?” Assuming that the girl has just recently grown affection for her savior she adds. “Don’t worry too much about him. My brother doesn’t treat girls right. He’s not what you want, darling.” In this case Trinity actually cares about the other one. From her own experience Matt has been nothing but hurtful and respectless to her. No girl should have to go through that.
“I might sound harsh but I have my reasons. Seriously. He might have saved you but he doesn’t care about others. It was probably just a call of duty. “
Yet there’s an odd feeling in the pit of her stomach that makes her worry as well. What if he doesn’t pull through.

After learning that things seem to be shaping up I instantly relaxed enough to catch up on all the sleep I've been missing.
That nourishing state doesn't last long because a gentle hand touches my shoulder waking me up. Instantly I think it's one of the staff here who's going to prod me more so I don't hold back the groan that easily flows from my lips when he or she makes me come to this unwanted aweful state again.

As my senses sharpen the stinging in my chest that gets provoked with every deeper breath I take becomes more prominent but as I open my eyes just a bit I also learn that I was wrong. It's not the staff but HER.

Instantly I reach out my right arm, that I've been laying on, to touch her arm. I want to feel her close and makes sure she stays now that she's here.
Her hand feels warm against the cool exposed skin of my shoulder. I concentrate on it for a moment until I open my eyes fully and look in her pale face with a small smile.
"Hey."
Kyanite looks aweful. Like she hasn't slept at all, which probably isn't advisable in her state. The fact that she cares so much about me is heart warming though. I'm pretty sure she stuck around the whole night.
"Still here?" I whisper but my voice cracks reminding me not to use it or I'll provoke more coughing so I close my eyes for a brief moment, then open them again to shift a little.
My right side is starting to hurt from laying on it.

Since there isn't much I can say I just let my eyes rest on her remembering all the things I was thinking the previous night. How she has become so important to me that she is the only one I really want with me at this crucial moment. That I've fought a maniac for a girl, which would have been unthinkable a year ago. That this must mean something.
My fingers weakly curl around her hair and carress it a little before I mouth. "I love you."

My eyes are almost closing on me again because I'm so exhausted, emotionally mostly but also physically. The past 24 hours must have been the toughest of my life and even though I'm not in a world of pain thanks to the drugs the constant labored half breaths are so strenuous that I barely have the energy to lift my arm and caress Kyanites hair.

Yet the connection gives me what I need to get back a certain good perspective in this mess.

The look on her face gives away just how much she's struggling yet she manages to keep her tears and words under wraps. Instead there's an encouraging smile forming on her lips. This whole thing might have been as hard on her as it was on me because she's more emotional and compassionate than I am.
I can see her eyes scan my face, which makes me wonder just how bad I look. I guess the oxygen mask hides most of it.
But when her eyes fall on my chest I know she doesn't like what she sees because sheäs blaming everything on herself.

I lift my head off the pilow to see her a little better, then follow her gaze to the small white bandage that's been taped just under my last ribs a little off to the right. It doesn't look bad at all. The small red sprinkles that are still on the bed sheet give away just how close of a call it was though.

It still scares me to no end. One wrong move and I'll be back to coughing up blood. So I let my head sink back against the pillow and listen to her.
"Never left. Even Jeran is here, but I think he's only here for the coffee."
That's a surprise. Who would have thought that her brother cared enough to support her...that's what I'm guessing he's doing cause he clearly wouldn't come for me.
A small smile hints that I appreciate the joke that's supposed to lighten the mood.
Come to think of it. I haven't drunk or eaten anything for a whole day. I'm really hungry but in no mood to ask for food.

I search her face with now fully opened eyes because I don't want to miss the brief time she'll be here. "You scared me." Kyanite looks brutally honest and I understand where she's coming from.
I scared myself...more than ever before.
"Me, too." There's no need to hide the fact that I got scared shitless as well.

Her eyes are closed when she speaks, which makes me wonder why she's letting all of this affect her so much. After all I'm alive, so is she and Gala and Jins resides in prison.
"It's all good." My voice is barely audible behind the plastic, which fogs up when I speak.

"I love you, too, Matthew. Please, heal quickly." Her forehead gently leans on mine. I feel her warm, soft skin. A few strands of her dark hair dangle onto my face. We're so close now that I can feel the warmth radiate of her skin. I want to embrace her. What can it hurt? So I lift my left arm and place my hand on her back. There's such a sincere deep connection I feel now. I hope she can feel it, too.
Unlike the first time when I fought and lost I need her to stay with me. I'm not ashamed anymore, nor am I afraid to show her my true face. Somehow I'm ready to really let her in now.

Her hand tries to put some order in my hair but all I feel is that gentle touch. It's soothing.
"I'm so glad your okay. Just rest, alright? I'll be here whenever you need me."
I close my eyes to take in the feeling more and nod. It's like I can reply on her to watch my back.
Then I pull the mask from my face to briefly share a kiss with her. I hope it's not the last one but I feel like I need it right now.
My lips feel so rough against hers but I'm pretty sure Kyanite doesn't mind.
Once more I open my eyes to look into hers that are now right above my face. I can see every darker speck of brown in them but mostly I can see the love in them.

For a brief but valuable moment our lips lock. It's like an infusion of hope coming from that connection. I really need it...her right now.
Her words add to that feeling. "You are going to be fine, Matthew."
I'm not sure how she would know but I want to believe her. It sounds much better than the doctors telling me. 'Don't move or we'll have to cut you open to stop the bleeding.'
"Yes." I whisper and accept the mask she's putting back on.
Her hand pulls mine close before she kisses my skin.

My breaths still feel labored while a constant wheezing is accompanying them. I know I should lay on my side but it already hurts and my arm is numb. Plus the tube is very uncomfortable so I slowly roll onto my back. It's even a little harder to breath now but at least my side relaxes.

I truly hates this. I don't want to lay still or be afraid anymore but I have no choice so her presence is the only positive thing to focus on but before we both know it one of the nurses comes in and gives her a nod.
"Time to go. Come back later this afternoon."

I hate to see her leave but I the nurse is adament about shoeing her out. Maybe it's better because I'm incredibly exhausted and just want to sleep through the worst if I can.
"It's okay." A weak smile let's her know I'm good but at the same moment my roughed up lung contracts and I cough again. Never before has coughing been as feared as it is now. So I choke down most of it and hope they'll bring me some water before my girlfriend (and me) can freak out.

Outside Trinity is already pacing the floor. She's undecided whether she even wants to see her brother or whether it's a good idea at all. After making a call home to her father she sits down next to the dark haired man who had been waiting with the girl all night.
"What a mess. I'm Trinity, hi!" She offers her hand to the young man and a smile on top of that.
"Are you one of Matt's friends?"