Aeneas Roxen-Lloyd D4 {done!}

Aeneas Roxen-Lloyd
Seventeen Male District 4

It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
Can anyone tell what I've done
I miss the life
I miss the colours of the world
Can anyone tell where I am

For the first time in life, nothing makes sense. It feels like an eternity since Mizar volunteered for the games. At first, it was an easy decision for her. It was obvious she wanted to die the moment she ran forward, and she got her wish. Yeah, it hurt as she was family, but she did it to herself. Mizar Roxen, a name I'll never forget as long as I live.

Being a Roxen, in my opinion, is a disgrace. With Mr. and Mrs. Roxen constantly cheating on each other bring more children into the world, Muscinda committing suicide at the age of fifteen, and Mizar dying on day one in the games, people tend to ask questions. We're not like we once was, and it's way too obvious. When someone asks me my name, my reply is always Aeneas Lloyd although my mother placed Roxen in my name. I don't know if she wanted me to remember my father, or what, but he'll never have an important place in my life.

Thankfully, I look exactly like my mother, Adriana Lloyd. People have no idea the Roxen blood flows through my veins, and it's the most amazing feeling ever. Mr. Roxen will never be my father, yeah, he may have contributed to my birth, but he was never there in my life. He never watched me grow up, he never watched me succeed in school, or train for the games, anything. It's okay, though, as my life is fine without him being there. It only helps because nobody knows I'm even related to him unless I say so specifically.

Like my mother, my skin is slightly darker than most, but it could be the fact that I enjoy being outdoors fishing. Being in the water is my life, whether it be for fishing, surfing, swimming, the water refreshes my body and awakens my soul. A mess of jet black fluff sits on top of my head standing straight up in the air. It's against my wildest imagination how it happened, but no matter what I do to it, my hair won't lay flat, and it comes to a point in the front. I'll never understand why it does that, but people laugh at me, telling me I'm going to go bald younger than most.

My eyes mirror my mother's. Jet black surrounds the pupils blending them altogether. Black, bushy eye brows sit across my eyes growing from thin to thick the closer they get to the center. Small dark circles rest under my eyes making it look like I have black eyes all the time, but I don't. It's just how my face looks like the sun never shines there. My nose is larger than I would like- I can blame that on my father as his nose is large as well. My lips are tiny, thin, and bright pink like one of my sisters just put lipstick on my face. I guess they want me to look that way.

My ears are large and stick out off the side of my face. They don't bother me except when people call me monkey face, Mizar always called me monkey face as a joke. It would make me so mad because she never understood what it was like, but now I miss it. It would be amazing to hear her voice speak again, but she's gone. She volunteered for the stupid games. She's a coward, and all my life I would remove cowards from my heart and not care about them anymore, but it's different with Mizar. She died keeping a promise, one I wouldn't have been able to keep as my life means too much to lay it down for someone else.

Training for the games is a choice, and it's a choice I seldom make. Yeah, when my mother wants me to train, my time would be spent at the center. A few of the careers I've watched training always seem to think that weapons are the most important part of training. It's nice knowing how to know how to fight with weapons, but they seem to forget that there's more than fighting for survival. They have to know how to get food, how to set traps, and how to survive during the night. Most of the time, I would spend time learning how to make tiny traps that would catch animals. My training focuses more on the survival rather than fighting with weapons, but I train with them too.

One thing I'm made fun of for is I grow a garden outside the house. It's not a very big garden, but it's enough to allow my family to eat. Sometimes, I grow flowers just so they can be pretty. Mizar told me I was a bit on the feminine side for growing a garden, but I don't understand why she'd say that, but she'd always help me plant the seeds and take care of them. Now, I take care of the garden by myself as I don't want to bother Lulianna. It's not a good idea as she changed so much when Mizar died. It's sad, really, but it's the way of life. People die every second of every single day, some just die sooner than others when they aren't ready. Twenty-three die young every year. It's really sad when I think about it.

I would be lying if I told you life was easy because it's not. It's hard living under the roof of my mother. She was a die hard career when she was growing up, and that's all she wants for me. She doesn't want me spending any time for myself, so I sneak away many times, and sit in front of Mizar's grave wishing she was here. We had the same views about training- neither of us want to train, but we are forced, and knowing that she died so easily, only makes my mother want me to train harder. It's good, though, as there may be a day my name is called, and I want to be more prepared than Mizar.

If people only knew how much I missed her, they'd understand what's going on in my life. It's hard putting on a smile pretending everything is okay because life is far from okay. She was so true to her word, and it's something I admired about her although I'd never mention that to anyone. She made a promise to Muscinda, and she kept that promise. I don't know how, and I know it's what she wanted, but I can only question her motives. Mr. and Mrs. Roxen pressure their children so hard it's no wonder she volunteered for the games. She wanted to be set free from them, and it happened. Yeah, she wasn't happy when her ally betrayed her, but it was for the best. She didn't have to survive very long in hell.

"Mizar, if you were here now, I'd hold you, and I'd tell you I loved you. I'd let everyone in the world know I'm a Roxen, but it isn't possible now. I can't speak the name Roxen without tears flowing down my face. I was once proud to be a Roxen, but now, the name is a disgrace. We're no longer wanted." It's been so long since tears fell freely from my face. I'm tired of hiding the pain living inside me, but it'll all work out one day when my feet walk beside her's in the afterlife where she's living now. I know she's watching down over me, and she would want me to be strong, but it's impossible.

Maybe I'll be strong like her and volunteer for the games, but that would only sentence me to death, and I'm not prepared to die. I want to live life, I want to grow old and have a family. I want to make everyone proud of me though, yet it's so hard as people set high standards which nobody can reach. No matter how hard a person trains for the games, they can always die. They can die the death where they'll always be forgotten by everyone the moment their face flies through the sky when the anthem plays. I would be one of those nobody missed; I don't even think my own mother would miss me.

Aeneas Lloyd is a face I hide behind because it brings friends into my life, yet when people know that I'm a Roxen they walk away. They flee like Mizar fled from the world completely too soon. I don't even have a real family anyway as I have no siblings fully related to me, and it hurts, but it's part of life. I'll live up to my name, and I'll shout for the entire world to hear. They'll know my name whether it brings popularity or disgrace upon me. I'm not who I once was. I'm a changed person, and it's time the world knows. I'm Aeneas Roxen-Lloyd, and I'm no longer afraid to admit it.

Away from the Sun: Three Doors Down
OOC Notes: Part of the Roxen family.
oDair
Word Count: 1506

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