turning pages }} cato

Sometimes I wander why people like me were put on this earth- how did I contribute to the workings of this land? what purpose did I have expect from stealing from the people I claim for one night. I was a waste of space, nothing but an ornament in this huge world. Maybe I was just designed to die, to be taken away from this land- maybe it was a mistake, maybe some greater being had meant to put me in a different universe but had acidly dropped me in this one. Screw him. I think and pull my gaze away from the sky and back down the quiet streets.

I was a mess and I caused my sister to worry endlessly- what was the need for a person like me? there was none. I was just a pawn in this game of life, a sacrifice, a filler piece. The real people that we needed were the people who could mine the gems or the Doctors in district 6 or the miners of coal in district 12. Thats how the Capitol wanted, the people who were of use to them. So why keep slackers like me alive? I knew they could kill me as easily as swatting a buzzing fly- so why let me live?

Sighing I push the useless bought to the back of my foggy mind. Whenever I was in tis state and on my own I resulted to thinking about the ‘deep’ things. I needed people to talk to, people to distract me otherwise I would just spiral deeper and deeper into this hole that I was creating for myself. Maybe I should go home. Maybe I cud talk to Max and then everything will be ok and I will pas out on my bed and wake up with a raging head ache. The thought strikes me eagerly and I try to climb to my feet but I find the whole process of actually getting to my feet slightly difficult as the world around me seems to be a roller coaster- tilting one way they changing direction and tilting the next way.

Suddenly I feel the need to look up. I look up and my eyes catch the eye of a guy. He is staring at me. Thats it. Just staring. A frown slips onto my forehead as I watch the guys who is watching me. How long had he bee staring at me for? Getting slightly uncomfortable I drop my gaze and hope that he moves on- wait, maybe he is interested. Smiling to myself I look up to see that he is no longer in my line of sight. I scan the street. Nothing. I look behind me and I see him. He enters the building that I had just left.

I watch as his board fugue disappears before my view. If he had been interested that meant that maybe tonight hadn't been a waste, that meant I could pull myself out of this hole and let my hair loose and do what I came here to do.

bursting with new found energy I manage to climb to my feet. The world seems to spin around me for a moment as I try to steady myself and wait for the spinning to stop. It doesn't- but it does slow down. Shrugging I step off back in the direction that I had come, my steps steadier than I had thought that they would be.

I enter the bar and my eyes try to fish out the figure which had shown interest in me earlier. I see him, he sticks out easy. He is a handsome guys and I smile to myself. This one was definitely going to be worth my time. Hastily I whip up a plan of attack. I couldn't just walk up to the guy, I had to make it look like a coincidence or he might be scared off. Walking around to the bar once again I take a seat on a stool. The guys was still hanging around the door looking slightly uncomfortable. I make sure that there are a few empty stools on either side of myself- almost like an invitation- before I flick my gaze back over to where he stood, I catch his eye, give him a small smile, before looking away once again. Hopefully he takes the bait and I can reel him in with little effort.

My fingers ring circles on the bar top in front of me as I wait for my target to be seated. It doesn't take long for him to have taken the seat beside me, his deep voice ordering two drink before he turns to be saying that he ordered me something. He pushes the drink towards me and I turn to hi, my face a mask of innocence. I smile at him before reaching for the drink that he had brought me. I allow my eyes to study the guy from closer up. He was a rather handsome guy. He was broad and muscular and everything about him seemed to scream “I am the man of all men,” but there was something about the way he sat there nervously and stumbled over his words that reduces his imitation to below a frog. I smile, a smile that breaks my whole face, one that could stop any man in his path. I was a bright smile, people often told me that my smile was my best feature, it was one that seemed genuine and warm. “Thanks,” I say as I take a sip of the fiery drink. The small sip doesn't burn so much as it slides down my throat as it would have if it was my first one. Right now it just felt like a warm beverage, warming me up from the inside.

The guys nervousness almost makes me laugh out loud. When you look at a guy like him- one who seems tough and rough you don't expect him to be like a shy puppy, one who just ants to hide and run away. At last he tried to make an effort, right? I just needed to cox him out of his shell a little. Resting my right arm on the bar top I manoeuvre my body around so that it was facing the guy. I kick my legs around slightly and tilt my head to the side, almost in question. What was this guys story. But when it became obvious that his tongue was too tied to say anything else I allow a few words to slips from the guard of my cherry red lips.

“I’m Stacy,” I lie ever so sweetly. I knew that if I told the guy my real name that it somehow might bit me in the ass for futures sake. I didn’t know hat will happen later on tonight, so its best to lie- for my safety. “I haven't really seen you around here before… you don't come here often, do you?” My yes are wide with curiosity- not fake curiosity, but real. I wanted to know this guy, I wanted t know the story behind his bad guy looks, but fearful acts. Maybe he is just like this around beautiful girls? Was it that I intimidated him?

I take another sip of my drink, then place it back down- but I change my mind a few minutes later and take a large drink of the drink, almost emptying a third of the glass. “You don't have to be shy, you know, I am not going to bite,” I flash a wink onto the end of my sentence in hopes to loosen him up a bit. But what if I got a totally different reaction? Usually guys would melt in front of me- and that wasn't because of my good looks alone, it was because of how much skin I was showing, or the confident way I geld myself. No girl had to be stunningly beautiful to get a guys attention, they just had to be confident, and as soon as you showed a guy that you loved yourself they are bound to start doing the same.

I take a long drink again, this time placing the glass down empty instead of full.

How many drinks had I had tonight? 3? 4? or was it more? It had to me more. You don't feel the way I do after just a couple drinks. Around me the world seemed to move. It danced left and the right, all this time my mind desperate to catch up but always just a few steps behind. The guys face in front of me was no longer just one face, just had the beginning shadow of another. I smile at him, I don't know if it is to help myself more than it is to help him. The guy seemed much more comfortable now, the beds of sweat on his forehead slowly disappearing only leaving it slick with the evidence that sweat had been there. Something inside me makes me want to touch it, to touch the firm creases between his eyes, just to see how they feel- but just when I am about to move my hand the guy catches it in his

It takes me a moment for my gaze to fully focus on the guy, but when it does there was no longer a fuzzy shadow surrounding him- he was clear, almost as though I was looking though a lens on a camera. "Anything I can do for you mi’lady." he smiles and for a moment his words confuse me- what had I old the guy earlier? Not to bite his tongue? Yes, yes that was it. I devour his smile with my own, my mind ticking over about how I us sully don't get this drunk. I need to stay alert, I needed to be cautious, a girl always had to be cautious. Usually I would only have a few drinks and then I would pull out my acting skills and I would flail around in a fake drunken state.

But tonight was different. Tonight my head was actually fuzzy from my drinks. I had taken it too far- and I knew that I would no longer be able to get war I wanted from the man. It was to dangerous, too dangerous for myself… But, I thin coyly to myself stealing a glance a the man who held my cold hands in his warm ones, That didn't mean I couldn't have a little fun with my catch. At the least I could string him along for a while, get him thinking that he could take on the world. I almost smile to myself as I pull my mind out of the gutters. There was only one thing that I had to remember tonight and that was not to get carried away, I was far too gone to complete the task I had in mind, but that didn't mean I had to go home.

“Sorry, I don't think I caught your name.” I laugh lightly, placing my free hand on top of our clasped hands. “What was it?” My voice was coming close to being slurred, but with a lot of practice I manage to hide it, keeping my voice clear and steady. Many years of practice will pay off tonight, I think my smile growing so that it reached deep within my dark eyes.