Mary Lenex-don-3 The Girl Who Monsters Have Nightmares About

Shrimp this isn't done yet. In the title it says WIP

When you told me you were researching, I didn't expect you to pick a random mental illness out of a hat, skim the first sentence of wikipedia and then write absolutely nothing about bipolar disorder.

I am extremely disappointed in you. I expected more.

If you are writing someone with a mental illness, you need to research that illness and portray it correctly and realistically. What we have here is all the symptoms of stereotypical sociopathy/psychopathy and you're calling it bipolar disorder for absolutely no reason.

If you're writing a character with bipolar disorder, write her with bipolar disorder. Not psychopathy. If you're writing a character with psychopathy, write her with psychopathy, no bipolar disorder. You cannot mix and match symptoms like some goodie bag. It doesn't work that way.

appearance:
"a retaliated glint in her eyes shows that she is strong in her head"
I don't know what this means. Reword this.

You only have 4 traits in this biography.

Pale skin, fail arms and legs, silky smooth perfect brown hair and green eyes.

I need more than this, puppy. You need to describe her to me, use show not tell.

What's the shape of her face? Are there any freckles on her skin? Are her fingernails dirty from digging in the ground so much? Is she dirty from playing outside or does she have a regular bathing habit?

Plus, her having perfectly smooth hair without taking care of it at all defies all laws of life and does not take into account that she is killing animals, thus getting blood all over her and dirtying her hair.

I need more traits, I need more description.



personality
If she has bipolar disorder then I don't know what you read puppy. This is not bipolar disorder.

Bipolar disorder is when someone goes through periods of mania (elevated mood, irritable mood, hyperactive) and depressive episodes (sad, guilt, anger, hopelessness). this is all quoted from the Wikipedia page that you linked in this biography.

You have none of this in here. None. What you have is the very thinnest of descriptions of psychopathy that does not accurately represent any person suffering from a mental disability. It's like a character from a horror film. That's not the character that you want to make - characters from horror films are two dimensional and flat and just meant to scare people and be a one-trick-pony.

Plus there's no positive traits in her at all, only talents. She can act, that's not a positive trait. She's cold, manipulative, ruthless, sadistic - there's not a good trait among that bunch.

What you have here is a Mary Sue. Fix this. Accurately portray her illness. Do not make her a caricature, that's offensive to anyone suffering from a mental illness.

history
nothing in here makes any sense. If you have bipolar disorder you experience both mania and depressive episodes. Her parents would have known that something was wrong if she had bipolar disorder from such a young age.

Plus, she's from a low-income family. She wouldn't have a spoiled, entitled mentality that would cause her to snap and kill her mother.

She wouldn't kill her mother without showing any signs of her mental illness; she wouldn't just snap because she didn't get something her way. That's unrealistic.




I cannot accept this character until you:
- choose what mental disorder she actually has and accurately portray this
- give her both positive and negative traits
- give her more appearance traits
- make her history plausible.


You can do much better than this.