grim reminders }} Cato

Distinguishing reality from a dream should not be really that hard, it should be easy- instantly one should be able to tell. And it used to be like that for me. I used to be able to tell within seconds, and within those seconds I used to be able to pull myself from the nightmares which haunted me… But lately, lately it had become so much harder. I had to fight, I had to beg myself to wake up- and sometimes I can even tell if it is reality or just a dream… and it scared me, it scared me so much not to be able to define that line between life and fantasy.

It had been days, days of trying to keep my body awake. I didn't want to sleep- I was too scared. I was scared about the nightmares that would haunt me. I was scared that if I feel asleep I wouldn't be able to wake and then Cyrus would be on his own… and I could let that happen.

My feet scarp along the ground as I wander down, what seemed like, a never ending foot path. When you were fatigued everything that you did felt like it took forever, felt like it was sucking up the last of your energy and it was painful almost. I could barely summon the energy to walk down the street, my feet feeling as heavy as lead, my eyes feeling as dry as sand paper. I knew that they were rimed with red- that is what happened when you were rubbing them constantly to try and stay awake.

The sky above me was dark, clouds swirling mysteriously around the edges. I tried to watch them, but the whole procedure of actually lifting my head up to stare into the sky seemed like an impossible challenge so instead I just kept my eyes level, my feet barely lifting before moving forward in an exhausting motion. I wanted to sleep- I wanted nothing more than to close my eyes and be swept away… But I knew that if I allowed myself to be tucked into bed I would just wake up my heart hammering like a raging bird in my chest, my mind filled with horrific images of blood and mangled bodies and pain and misery and ever since I had escaped with my brother all we had wanted to do was escape such horrific scenes such as them.

I move to take my next step only to find that my foot had caught something. I look down just in time to see that I had reached the edge of the walkway, my toes connecting with solid cement of the pathway. I try to catch my balance, my arms failing around for a moment before I fall to the ground in one heaped mess. In any other situation, I might have cried out with surprise- or pain even… but not tonight, I couldn’t. I just allowed my body to fall connecting with the ground with a painful slam. I barely even flinch, all my energy drained from the flailing of my arms. A small moan escapes my lips as I try and pull myself into a sitting position, my weary eyes scanning my body for injuries.

Usually a fall like this wouldn't hurt someone- someone who was healthy and ate properly and wasn't staving or sleep deprived. But because of my lack in health blood welled against the pale skin of my knees, and down the left side of my left calf. A sigh catches my lips and I pull my pegs close to me, the stinging of the wound nothing but a grim reminder that I was still awake, still alive in this world which was called the reality.