blood stained iron duty {annie - oneshot}

and i find it kind of funny
i find it kind of sad
that these dreams in which i'm dying
are the best i've ever had

reassertion

The days blend into each other, the monotony sends my mind into a liquid state where I have little time for my own conscious thoughts. Day after day of standing at doors or patrolling rooftops. Slowly but surely it is pushing me closer to the edge. I feel the tension, like my whole body is wound tightly around some immense force, slowly tightening until one day I am going to snap. The Capitol Police isn't everything I had hoped for. I knew it would be boring, but I never knew it would be this bad. It's not the pointless tasks or the monotonous standing around - It's the corruption of my superiors that is making the hairs of my neck stand on end. I am surrounded by pigs. Pigs that need their throats slit.

Not now Annie.

I compose myself as I make my way out of the female changing rooms. The morning is harsh. The white sunlight stabs at my heavy eyes, trying to force them open. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night - Nightmares again. Vivid images of my father still linger in the back of my mind. What was he telling me? Something important. The dream is reoccurring, but I can never quite catch the details. If only I could get a grip on it before it slips away. The more I think about it, the more vivid it becomes. A strong smell of varnish emanates from the oak interior of our headquarters, pulling me away from my thoughts. Someone has been cleaning up around here. It's no coincidence that the arrival of Levi Heichou and my former colleagues have brought about stricter cleaning standards. Heichou is very anal about his cleaning. Not a day went by when he didn't have us scrubbing floors or dusting furniture. In a way, seeing a recently cleaned room brings back all the memories of happier days. The improved shine on the floorboards does nothing to lift my mood this time. If anything, it pushes me further into stomach churning regret.

I turn a corner, heading down the marble staircase and towards the west wing of headquarters. I ignore the greetings that come from one or two of my colleagues in the Capitol Police. I've no time for them. They may be in the same boat as me when it comes to rank and authority (or lack of), but they're nothing more than bodies making up the numbers. They're not trained for combat like I am. What if the Capitol is breached? It's the Capitol Police's job to protect citizens. You can be certain that every one of these kids will run the other way with their tails between their legs. That's the way it goes. The cowards choose the Capitol Police, because they're too damn scared to do the real work. They choose it because it's easy and because it's safe. What do they know of danger? It could be standing three feet from where they are standing and they would never know.

I walk past reception and through a large set of wooden doors, ten feet tall at least. The sunlight washes over my face as I step out unblinking into the courtyard. My eyes quickly adjust to the harsh light, so I take a few steps forwards and join my colleagues. I note their wariness as we begin our morning patrol around the grounds. They have known me for nearly a year now, yet still they don't know me. Not like the others did. They have learned to avoid me when I am in a bad mood, and not to bother me when I happen to be upbeat. They know Cadet Leonhardt, the cold bitch who doesn't care how you're doing or what you're up to. As you can imagine, I'm not very popular with them. Even if I was a sociable person, they would still resent me. I ranked 4th best out of all of the Peacekeeper trainees in our year. I am extremely overqualified to stand on doors and patrol hallways. They know that, and so they are cautious. The most I can hope for is a sardonic comment from someone feeling lucky. Just try, I'll beat you to the ground, whoever you are.

A large flock of swallows swarm far above our heads, ebbing and flowing through the bright blue Capitol sky. They are hypnotic to look at. I watch them swoom and spread in waves that seem so angry and violent, and yet I have never seen anything more tranquil. I left my flock. I was the solitary little fledgling who flew south whilst the others pressed on north. So weak and vulnerable, and above all, alone. I made my choice long ago. Long, long ago, back home.

"Morning Annie." One courageous male tries to engage me in conversation as I remove my gaze from the sky. His voice is plucky and full of an optimism that I envy. I don't respond, my eyes finding a new place to focus: Our squadron leader stops the patrol and turns to face the small group. There must be about twelve of us now. Captain Drewe Feeney is harsh and unyielding. He is a stout man who sees the world through small and yet greedy eyes. His hair is trimmed short, a military buzz cut that makes him look professional, even though he is everything but that. For all his high-standards and strict rules, he is always willing to take a bribe. He is a dirty, corrupt pig.

With a thick, heavy voice he briefs us on our duties for the day. These include patrolling the lower sector of the Capitol whilst the residents go about their morning business. We then have to checking the perimeter for breaches, any signs of breakage or illegal entry into the Capitol will need to be dealt with swiftly. After that we will shortly break for lunch at Checkpoint Echo, there we will have a chance to catch up with colleagues, although I doubt I'll do much of that. Finally we will travel to the Capitol Embassy, where we will be stationed at a perimeter, either outside or inside. We will remain there until evening, when we will be dismissed. No different to the past three weeks. My face betrays no emotion as I accept that today will be another day of contemplating my decisions in a solemn vow of silence.

The people I used to call friends are out there in the wilderness, where I long to be. Hunting Muttations, dangerous Wanderers and abnormalities. Levi offered me the chance to join him and his squad on an exhibition - a one off chance to get back in the action. I turned him down, and that wasn't easy. I would have loved nothing more, believe me, but I have an iron duty, here in the Capitol. I can't get side-tracked by my own personal desires. Even if that's where my heart lies, out there, fighting the fight. I just can't lose sight of our goal. Besides, what if I got killed out there? No, it's much more sensible to stay in the Capitol. It is safe here, that is what I keep saying to people. I chose to stay in the Capitol because it is safer than risking my life. Yes I am bored, but tomorrow I will still be alive.

My palms feel tight, so I flex my fingers wide and open. My tired eyes trail from Feeney's stone-chiselled face to the pink sky. I hate lying, but it's what I'm good at. Seeing Armin, Levi, Jean and the others last week was more painful than I thought it would have been. They were my friends and I turned my back on them. They must think that I never cared about them. They don't understand. Maybe someday they will. I hope it doesn't come down to that, because the truth would break their hearts.

"Dismissed," Feeney's dry voice reveals to me a history of late-night cigarettes and shouting at underachieving Peacekeeper trainees. The flock of white-shirted teenagers disperse, clumping into groups and splitting off in different directions. Without a friend-group of my own, I make my own way from our meeting point outside headquarters. I have to be at the eastern sector in ten minutes to start my patrol. Usually it's quiet in the east - That's where older Capitolites tend to live. The ones who have seen and done it all. Buildings over that side of the city are less glamorous and are more for people who want to settle down and enjoy the simpler luxuries.

A hand grips my shoulder, forcing me to stop where I am. I glance over my shoulder at Commander Feeney's looming figure.
"Not you, Leonhardt. I have something else for you to do."

round like a circle in a spiral, like a wheel within a wheel
never ending or beginning on an ever spinning reel
like a snowball down a mountain, or a carnival balloon
like a carousel that's turning running rings around the moon

reaccession

Feeney constantly applies pressure to my shoulder, suggesting that I walk forward. I do so, with his hand controlling my movements left or right by pushing or pulling my shoulder in a certain way. I feel like his puppet. In a way, I feel violated. I could easily resist, but I'm not that stupid. He may be bigger and stronger than me, but I am trained in three different marital arts styles. Taking him down would be like breathing to me. Second nature. I wouldn't do something so reckless, not at this stage. He is an authority I have to respect at this time. What a burden.

He leads me on eastwards for about quarter of a mile, before we stop at an outpost between two skyscrapers. It is completely dwarfed by the enormity of the crystal white buildings, and outclassed too. It doesn't look particularly professional or official, but it holds the crest of the Peacekeeping Brigade, Policing unit of the Capitol of Panem. By the time we get there, I am incredibly agitated. Feeney leading me like a dog has me set on edge, my hands balled into fists. He types a four digit pin into an old fashioned metal device which unlocks the door once the pin is verified. How primitive - Most doors are fingerprint operated these days. Why would he lead me to such a run down outpost? He gives me an angry glare, as if reading my thoughts. He pushes his shoulder against the thick metal door. Even with his bulk he struggles to get it open. Reminds me of Reiner trying to impress Bertoldt and I by taking on something too physically challenging, and ending up making a fool of himself. The thought makes me want to smile and cry at the same time. Weird. Don't usually let things like this get to me.

The interior of the outpost is shoddy. The walls are decaying and the tiled floors are greasy and unkempt. The dim light reveals a mess of maps sprawled across a metal surface, whilst a darkness covers the rest of the room, hiding all sorts of clutter. A cheap plastic sign is nailed on the wall with the words Checkpoint Foxtrot marked in red. It looks like this building used to have some medical purpose, but it was shut down long ago. Whatever it's history, it is temporarily being used as a place of operations for Peacekeepers. I have no idea what Feeney could possibly want with me, but his tone and unusual attitude has led me to believe that it can't be anything good. He has brought me to an empty Peacekeeper Checkpoint like I am some kind of hostage. It's shady to say the least. I can just tell that he's going to ask me to do something off-the-record.

"I need you to do something off-the-record for me."
Thought as much.

"I understand you worked closely with Jean Kirschtein?" He says, walking over to the maps and flicking through them. The mention of Jean's name tugs at me. We weren't exactly friends, but he was a guy I respected and liked nonetheless. He's with squad Levi now, so what does Feeney want with him? He never did anything wrong that I can remember. I can only speculate until he tells me.
"It has been brought to our attention that he has close relations with an Avox who goes by the name of Nala." He sighs deeply, "She was a smuggler, from Eleven, so they sent her here and we cut out her tongue. Unfortunately the people who cut out her tongue and held her were the Kirschtein's..." He continues to explain. I find a wall and lean against it, folding my arms and propping up a leg. Doesn't sound good. Avoxes aren't supposed to communicate with people unless they are prompted to. It's a major crime for them to even think themselves equal to people, let alone have a relationship with one. I can imagine this isn't good news for Jean either. What was he thinking?

"Jean Kirschtein is fucking the dirty Avox bitch, and she's popped out two kiddies." He spits. That surprises me even more. He slept with her? They had kids? I never knew Jean was a father. He always struck me as someone who batted for the other side, anyway. All that chemistry with the dark haired guy - What was his name? I can't remember it now. Marcus? Something like that. Regardless, Jean having kids with an Avox isn't good news. Avoxes having kids is unheard of. Jean will probably get away with a warning if he's lucky, but for this Nala girl, it might not be taken so lightly. She'll probably be executed. Good luck finding someone who will kill a mother and two children in cold blood. Then I realize why he's telling me this, and I feel physically sick.

"Which is why I've asked you here, Annie," He licks his dry lips, his eyes dancing, trying to connect with my elusive gaze, "I want you to kill her."
I'm not sure if I can do that. I've killed before, it was part of my training back home, but it's not the killing I have an issue with, it's Jean. This girl must mean everything to him - The mother of his children. If I kill Nala under Capitol Police orders, he will resent me for the rest of my life. Not just him, but all of Levi's squad will. If I cross that line, I can never come back from it. Hmph. Maybe that's for the best. Maybe that will allow me to finally focus on the task at hand.

The silence is long and uncomfortable. Feeney gives me time to think it over, at least. I'm thankful for that at least. I weigh up the consequences of this task. Obviously killing is bad. I don't want to kill anyone unless they get in the way of my greater motive. She's the mother of Jean's children, so he'll probably try and kill me if he finds out what I've done, even if I was ordered to do so. The few friends I do have will also hate me. Armin. Why do I care about his opinion more than anyone else's? Probably because he has more sense than the rest of them put together. He'd ask me to reconsider - Find another way. I have a duty, right? I've always had a duty. Don't break your cover Annie, you need to stay concealed no matter what.

"Sir, why me?" I finally say, tugging at the toggles of my white hoodie. Of all the people they could have asked, they have asked someone who knows Jean. That can't be an overlooked miscircumstance, they would have known that. Maybe they're just assholes who like fucking with people's emotions. Yeah, make me do it because I know the guy, and it will fuck up our relationship. Tch. They'll get their just deserts, Capitol pigs.

Focus, Annie.

"You know damn well why..." He grunts loudly, "Because you're the only Peacekeeper I've got with a fucking backbone!"
My eyes submit and look to his. I know he's right, there isn't a single person in our squad who is capable of doing such a dirty job, except for me. He knows the deal as well as me. The Peacekeepers situated in the Capitol are all cowards who chose it because it's the easiest and safest job in the world. Not one of them would imagine being asked to kill. Of course I'm the only one who can do it, and he knows that. He knows I'm different.

"Can you do it, or not?" He says, leaning over the table with a hunger that sets me on edge. I don't like the man, or anything he stands for. I don't like his creepy demeanour or his stupid mission. I just know that if I say no, I'll have my rights as a Peacekeeper revoked and I'll be sent packing back home as a failure. I bite my lip and nod.

all winter, we got carried
oh way over on the rooftops let's get married
all summer we just hurried
so come over, just be patient, and don't worry

remission

Even though I will be doing the killing, I feel like I am the one who has a death sentence hanging over them. The guilt sits in my stomach before I've even committed the sin. They tried to wash away emotions such as guilt and fear long ago, through intense and unforgettable therapy. Didn't work. No matter how much Tracker Jacker venom they used, you can't wipe away raw human emotion. I've had to learn to bury it away deep inside myself, along with every other emotion. I suppose that's why I'm so dangerous.

Doing this in daytime is even worse. I don't like it being so out in the open and obvious. I'll get an audience, if I'm not careful. I suppose the only bonus is that the morning sun has been blocked out by an overcast sky, that will lower visibility somewhat. The first few drops of rain prompt me to pull the hood of my white jumper over my head, keeping my natural blonde hair dry. Capitolites rush past me, squealing and shrieking as the sudden downpour ruins their effiel tower hairstyles and drenches their stardust jackets. I press on, thankful for the cold shower.

I arrive at a more run down part of the Capitol. We're about two blocks from the southern sector, pushed eastwards by about four hundred meters. These buildings are far less glamorous than the ones you find anywhere else in the Capitol, but they're still considered luxurious to anyone who has been to any of the lower Districts. Jean's house is by no means spectacular, just a simple flat at the end of the block. An Avox is illegally living here, and it's my duty to dispose of her. I want nothing more than to break in there, grab her and her kids, and lead her to safety outside of the Capitol, but I can't. I can't. Shit. I throw back my hood and let the rain soak my hair. My clothes are sodden, clinging to my skin and causing my flesh to ripple with goosebumps. I have to do this.

I use my 3D manoeuvre gear to zip up to the roof of Jean's apartment. I get a few curious glances from passing citizens, but once I walk towards the center of the roof they vanish from sight. I'm just a Peacekeeper doing her job. I peer over the other side, spotting two windows that I could easily swing down into. That will be my point of entry. If everything goes smoothly, I can kill this Nala girl without anyone having to see it. It's bad enough killing a mother without her kids having to watch.

I take out a switchblade and turn it over in my palms, feeling the weight of it. Quick and easy, right? I could use a gun, but guns are messy and loud. Better to keep this nice and simple. I walk to the edge of the apartment roof, turning my back and getting ready to abseil down. I can't get Jean's face out of my head. Ripred damn, this isn't going to bode well for me. I just have to bite the bullet and get on with it. If it was easy, they would have asked someone else. I spread my arms wide and fall back, hurtling off of the building. I slam my palms down against my waist, firing the pistons into the brick work, the wire gently bringing me to a halt. My boots press against the brittle stone walls, and I slowly edge down the side of the building. Once I reach the window I set about opening it from the outside, which is awkward given the angle I am suspended at. I adjust my position and eventually manage to wedge it open. I slip my thin body through the frame, retracting the wire back into the casing of the manoeuvre gear.

The room is full. Two girls, an older man and two kids, all staring at me.
"Who the hell are you?" The old man demands, stepping forwards. One of the two girls ushers the kids behind her. This is far from ideal. I had hoped that they'd be in different rooms, not all having lunch. What is it, eleven o'clock? I fucked up my timing. I should have waited half an hour. I act quickly.
"I'm Annie Leonhardt, Peacekeeper of the Capitol Police, I ju-"
"Yeah! I can tell by your uniform!" He says, his voice edgy and spiteful, "Nala! Run!" One of the girls breaks for the door - It has to be Nala. Fuck.

The man swings a punch at me, but I casually shift my head to the right, avoiding his heavy hook. You'd hit a girl? These people are desperate. What's more, they knew what I was here for.
"Get out of my way!" I shout, trying to move past him. He puts his body in the way, shoving me back as the Avox escapes. The other girl, who I don't know anything about, rushes the kids out the same door as their mother. I hear the pounding of feet disappearing down wooden stairs. Shit. Shit. The man swings for me again, but his movements are heavy and predictable. Ripred damn, I don't have a choice here. He swings for me a third time, but I dip under his arm, thrusting upwards with momentum to drive my knife into his heart. His mouth opens in a silent scream. He falls back, me on top of him, driving the knife further into him. He spits blood.

"You MADE me do this! You hear me?" I say, panting heavily. I pull my knife out sharply, blood from loose arteries spraying all over my bright white clothing and up the left side of my face. He had it coming. He got in my way. I had no choice.
"Fuck!" I push myself to my feet and charge down the stairs after the fleeing criminals, leaving behind the dead body of the old man.

I reach the front door, trying desperately to open it. To my anger it is locked. I take a step back, readying my body to kick it down, but a muffled sound stops me. Sobbing? I open the closet, finding the two kids hiding inside. Jean's kids. They have his dark fluffy hair and beady eyes. The mother hasn't left the building. She wouldn't leave them with a killer. But why?

They don't have the key.

I hear footsteps running up the stairs again. Shit. The old man must have the key.
"Stay here." I say to the children, closing the door on them.
I thunder up the stairs, the taste of blood fresh in my mouth. I will not let her get away. I will not be a failure.

"You will not be a failure to me, Annie."
"No, father."

Nala is searching the man's body, tears running rivers down her face. The other girl runs at me. You wanna try that? I spin my body around, dipping my torso down and raising a leg. A perfectly executed spinning hook kick connects with the side of the girl's head, knocking her clean out. Nala backs off, now desperately trying to go for the window. Like a panther I leap over the dead man's body and drive my knife into her back. She opens her mouth and makes a sick, tongueless scream. She crashes down onto the oak flooring, but still tries for the window. I shuffle over her, turning her onto her front and stabbing her repeatedly in the chest and neck. Blood gets in my eyes, up my nose and in my mouth. I keep stabbing and stabbing until the only sound is the gentle squirting of blood and my heavy breaths.

I drop the knife, and the rest is red, red, red.