Taunting death [open]

Minho

I could feel it seeping into me with overwhelming sense of darkness and brutality. It was deep inside me hiding beneath my skin and lurking in my heart and all I could do was sit in the dark and let it consume me. I felt hopeless and scared as I knew that I was going to become that person I despised. But what could I do to control it as soon it will enter my mind and begin to control by actions and I will be this helpless puppet controlled by some strange sickness, some dark power. The only thing I was ever good at was obeying so what choice and will power did I have, when you think about it I’m kind of pathetic. I leaned against the wall and squeezed my eyes shut like it could block out the world and all the horrible things that have happened to me. Maybe it could erase the past and I wouldn’t feel this strange darkness coiling in the pit of my stomach preparing to strike out and swallow all the goodness and light thoughts or memories I had. I would be an empty shell, a skin for the darkness and maybe I would stop to exist. I wouldn’t be Minho, the boy who adored his younger sister and loved her or the guy who helped those in need. No, I would be the person who has a shade of black around them and live off the pain that I would conflict to myself by swiping a blade across by pale white skin or eventually decide to lay in the ocean and let the waves drown and suffocate me as they had my sister. I would let the sick, ugly depression take hold of me and I would bath in the darkness and hurt that it would bring.

I felt weak to the bones and it was like my energy had been sapped away as I could hardly hold up my own head to look around. That sick feeling was still clinging deep inside of me but I was also confused as to why I was in the middle of the street leaning against the old ragged broken down building. I could feel the wooden planks dig deep into my back and gravel underneath my scraped my skin. I groped desperately around in my head trying to remember or sort something out in my life. But all I got was emptiness and that depressed feeling threaten to engulf me again. I gritted my teeth in pain as I tried to shove it down as I could handle this now, not when I didn’t have any idea where I was. I let out a low moan of pain and it echoed around me in the darkness. I feel against the floor in fight to keep control over myself. My breathing became labor and I turned my head to look up at the sky my blue eyes full of defeat and loneliness. The stars looked down upon me like they were accusing me of being weak and giving in so easily. Well I guess they were right so why was I contradicting them? I let out another groan of pain as I could feel that depression creep in to my mind and I fought hard to keep control. Maybe I shouldn’t fight it anymore and let it encase but could I let the darkness caress me like the kiss of death or should I fight back and use my will power which wasn’t much. The indecision was clouding my judgment and I felt the sickness take it’s chance to take control.

I couldn’t let that happen. My scream ripped through the night as I tried to fight for control, for myself and for my sister. I couldn’t let her down because I knew she would give me a disappointed look and turn her back away from me. I couldn’t lose those thoughts of her that I cherish so much so that’s when I fought back with all my strength willing myself to remain in command of my own body. I bit my lip and I could fill the metallic taste of blood fill my mouth and I dug my nails into the ground below me. I wouldn’t let it engulf me, I couldn’t. Slowly, inch by inch I felt it subside but I knew it will come back, it always did. I was left gasping for breath underneath the clear dark sky with a look of helplessness and trauma plastered to my sweaty pale face.