Chaske Leonardo Parks D9 {done}

"What do you look like?"

"I am slightly taller than my father. I stand about five foot seven inches tall. My weight isn't something to brag about. Last time I checked, I weighed one hundred twenty pounds. My hair is jet black, it's shaggy, everyone of me loves the bedhead look. It matches me. My hair falls down above my eyes shielding my forehead from the horrible sunlight usually giving me a horrible tan line. My ears are small compared to the rest of my body, but that's not the point because I can hear just fine. I have black bushy eyebrows sitting above my eyes matching perfectly with my slightly darker complected skin. You see, I love being in the sun no matter who's in control. My eyes are dark almost the color of the pupils. My brother, Chance, says it's like I only have pupils because the iris mixes with them. My nose is large coming to a rounded point on the end. My lips are pink and tiny. Sometimes I will smile other times I refuse to. My face is thin. Both of my hands are deformed. It's like I'm wearing a mitten because my fingers are all molded together with the exception of my thumb which moves freely. I hate it because I can't do much of anything."

"Tell me more about yourself."

"I wear whatever pleases me, and it's rare for me to shower. My clothes vary depending upon who is in charge. My clothes are always neatly placed upon my body making sure no wrinkles are present. You'll be lucky if I shower once a week. It's all I'm capable of because other people have to clean. When others take over, I don't know nothing about myself. All I know is sometimes I wake up and makeup covers my face and a dress is placed upon my body. It must be a little kid because everyone knows that I'm a male and I would never dress up like a female. It's wrong in my eyes, but it happens quite often. Sometimes the dress is covered in dirt leading me to believe that a child lurks inside me. Other times holes are spread through my clothing. Scars cover my body, and I have no idea how I got them. It's like I'm constantly fighting with someone or something, yet I never know how they got there, and the sad thing is, I may never know. One day it was like someone tried giving me fingers, and that's impossible because my bones are stuck together. Other than that nothing really changes. It's just me being me, I think."

"I want to know more."

"Okay, you want to know more. Well here you go."

From the eyes of Chaske

Life is supposed to be fun living, yet at times it seems impossible. Nothing in my life makes sense anymore as my feet travel across the unfamiliar territory wondering how I possibly got here. Time passes by, hours, days, weeks, months lost at a time with no memory of anything that happened. Names I've never heard of, some people I never met walking up to me saying they know me, but it's impossible for me to figure out who they truly are. Nothing about them seem familiar, yet they swear up and down that they know me. My mind races through my brain in attempts of figuring out who these people are, but there's nothing. "Oh, we hung out last week, Teddy." Questions flow through the abyss of my mind over and over with attempts of figuring out what has possible happened, yet the nature of the meeting is gone, far away, from my mind never to return. Sometimes, it's a struggle going through life, people accusing me of lying, stealing, cheating, but I swear up and down I'm telling the truth because in my own eyes, it's the truth, yet it seems nobody believes me, not even my own family.

"You're dressed entirely different today, Teddy." My hands slowly slide against my clothing wondering what they could possible be talking about. My head tilts slowly wondering why they are calling me Teddy. It's the way I choose to look every single day of my life. Shaggy black hair flows gently down my face covering my forehead and my ears, running into my bushy black eyebrows. It always looks like I just got out of bed, but it's my hair, and I can style it however I please. My shoulders always thrown back with pride making myself stand tall, well five foot seven inches tall, with my head held high. My lips forming a smile allowing the world to know nothing could ever go wrong. My clothes always folded neatly avoiding the wrinkles as that would make me look slouchy- something I never wish to express to anyone. Mother was always neat and tidy, and her ways passed down to me. The name Silence rings through my mind bouncing through my skull as my eyes the color of coal beams into the eyes. "My name is Chaske. Please stop calling me Teddy." My voice is deep as a river flowing through a drain when the rain pours from the sky. It's my father's voice, and it's one I hate.

He wants me to love him, yet love is far away. It's hard to respect the man who never once cared about me or my family. His words taunt me over and over bringing me to knees every single day. "You're worthless Chaske. You'll never grow to be anything important. You are so stupid, so dumb. I wish you were never born!" Normally a river would flow from my eyes, yet it's impossible to cry. My hands shake rapidly as my breathing becomes labored. My heart prances in my chest, running the race wondering when the finish line will be crossed. "Answer me you dumb son of a bitch. Why did you eat my food that I worked for?" My head falls towards my knees not caring if anyone sees me. It's pointless caring about what others think because they'll only bring you down. "I-I hungry." My childish voice echoes through my skull filling my ears as my hands pound against the ground. The pain of the blows baring down upon my body over and over shattering the bones under the weight of his hands. "You're foolish Chaske. Never eat my food again." Screams fly through the air filling my ears before it's gone. All time has ceased to exist.

It all happened so fast- nobody seen it coming. We were all in the same room, mother, father, my brother, my sisters, me. Mother and father were fighting like crazy as mother wanted an explanation as to why we were all covered in bruises, why our faces were downcast. "What are you doing to them? What is the care giver doing to them? Why are they like this?" It's the first time in my entire five years of life, I had ever saw my mother angry. She was always a peaceful person, always respecting everyone, yet today was different. She had reached her wits end. "Why do I hear them screaming in their sleep? Why do they say 'father stop you're hurting me?' Do you have an answer?" The pain living in her face was too much to see, yet my eyes stayed glued on the scene wondering what would possibly happen. "My dear wife, do you want to know why? These ignorant pigs are extremely disrespectful. They have no way of living in this life if they don't do as they are told. I teach them a lesson when they are disrespectful, and it's one they'll never forget. It's time for your lesson, my dear wife."

Just like that, in the blink of an eye, she was gone, dead, falling to the ground lifeless. Screams filled the room by all of us begging for an answer. Mother was our protector- she provided for us, yet in a moment it all snapped. The thread tethering us to reality split in half sending my soul flying through the world as tears poured down my face dropping onto the ground. My sisters screams filled my ears begging it to stop, but it never did. My face froze, chin dropped to the floor as over and over again my mind replayed the death of my lovely mother. "If you tell anyone what happened right here in this room, I promise you, you'll be just like her." His words bared against my skin raising the hair on my neck, but it wasn't the last time. Every single moment after that I prayed that if there was a higher entity, that they would help us, free us from the world, but it never came until later after most of the damage was done. "It's all you're fault Chaske! It's all your fucking fault!" Chance betrayed me that day, never wanting anything to do with me ever again. It's all my fault.

From the eyes of Teddy

Mommy and daddy always care for me and Chance and my sisters. Mommy make everything better. Make hurt go away. Daddy hug us all the time. They let us grow together and play and have fun. Mommy always comb my hair making it pretty. It's black and shaggy. She would make sure my clothes were clean before going outside to play, but they would only end up being dirty again. Mommy gave me a teddy bear that I hold onto when scary things happen. "Just hold onto Mr. Teddy and everything will be okay." Mommy and daddy fight all the time. It's scary watching them. Something about daddy not treating me right. I mess up though, mommy. I break the rules, and daddy says rule breakers need to be punished. It's okay, though, because it's meant to happen. Daddy is a good man. He cares about us all the time. I can never figure out why he would hurt any of us because he says he loves us. I get along with Chance like you both tell me to because he's my brother. I love my brother just as much as I love everyone else in the family. My sisters mean the world to me. We laugh and sometimes they try to dress me up like a princess, but they don't understand I am a prince not a princess.

I'm different from everyone else that's my age. My body is taller, and I hate looking at my own reflection seeing some facial hair. Mommy says there's nothing wrong with it though. She says it's normal, but daddy says it isn't normal. Five year old's aren't supposed to have facial hair. It's like time moved on leaving me behind. My voice is different than everyone mommy and daddy let me hang around with. The voices of my friends sound like a girl when speaking, but my isn't. It's deeper, and I hate it. Mommy said not to worry about it because I'm special. The world looks at me through eyes that are mean, and if it wasn't for Mr. Teddy, tears would fall down my face like they usually do. Bags form under my eyes easily, and the whites of my eyes are always red. Mommy doesn't know how I cry so much. I'm always sticking my tongue out at people as they walk around. It's fun watching how people look at me. Some will stick their tongue out at me while others walk away. It makes me sad knowing that people walk away, but mommy says it will happen.

"I love you daddy. You are the best daddy in the world." His arms wrap around me, hugging me, as he runs a hand through my hair. It feels nice being held in his arms because he cares about me. He would never hurt me, but mommy and daddy talk a lot. The name Chaske comes up a lot. I don't know who Chaske is. The name doesn't ring a bell or anything. Sometimes mommy and daddy will call me Chaske, and I will answer them because that's the best thing to do. It's never a good idea to ignore them. Chance calls me Chaske too sometimes, but he knows my real name is Teddy. We play together all the time, and he tells mommy Teddy is just a nickname. It gets them away from us for a while. Daddy calls me Teddy now too because he likes the name. He says it matches who I am. "Teddy, it's a good name for you. Maybe your mom will call you that too." A smile spreads wide across my face as hands raise up begging him to carry me, but he never does. He says I'm too big, and I can understand why.

"Mommy why do you and daddy call me Chaske?" The way she looks at me when I stop speaking scares me causing me to grip Mr. Teddy tighter. It's like the entire world stopped turning, but that isn't possible. She places me on her lap and looks me straight in the face. "Chaske, honey, that's your name. Why? What do you want to be called?" Chaske isn't my name. It's never been my name, and she knows that. Sometimes she calls me Teddy when speaking to daddy, but she always calls me Chaske. It's not hard to push away because she loves me and cares for me no matter what my name is. It's strange talking to her though because she doesn't know anything about me. "Mommy, you should know my name isn't Chaske. My name is Teddy. Daddy calls me Teddy. Chance calls me Teddy. My sisters call me Teddy. You don't call me Teddy though. Teddy is my name. Please don't call me Chaske anymore because that's not my name." Mommy looks at me and nods her head. The grin on my face grows larger as I place my arms around her hugging her. "I love you mommy. You are the bestest mommy in the entire world."

My sisters drag out the princess dresses again to place them on me, but I don't want them on me. I want to be a boy because I am a boy, but people tell me I look like a man with the facial hair growing on me and everything. I even have hair under my arms, and that's something most people don't experience until they are older. I hate being so young yet so old at the same time. It's not right, and nobody can ever explain what's going on with me. Daddy says something wrong, but he never tells me what because he loves me just like mommy loves me. Daddy also tell me that mommy isn't alive anymore, that she's dead, but she's alive. She speaks to me every day telling me she loves and cares for me. She can't be dead because just yesterday I saw her standing in front of me, hugging me, telling me everything will be okay. She always tells me that, and I always believe her because mommy would never lie to me would she? "She's dead Chaske! You killed her! It's your fault! It's your fault mom is dead!" No, it can't be. It's not my fault. I'm Teddy not Chaske, but mommy said we the same person.

From the eyes of Volcan

Everything in this life needs to be destroyed. Not a single person in the world cares about me, and they never will. I'm sick and tired of people saying they give a shit, but in all reality they don't. Ma and Pa never cared about me. Ma said she did, but she's a liar. Everyone is a liar. Ma stood in front of Pa like nothing was ever wrong. She said she tried to stop him, but I call that bullshit because Pa still did what he did. He treated me worse than the lowest of animals walking around. The avoxes are treated better than what the fucking bastard did to me. They are horrible creatures, yet that's how I've been treated my entire life. The moment my uncle took me away from the house was the best day of my life. He grabbed me, and Chance, and my sisters. I swore to him that if Pa ever touched my sisters, he would die. He should be lucky I wasn't there to save everyone from the horrible people living there. Pa is deserving of death, and maybe one day I'll be the one to slaughter him. He will die by my hand the same way he killed Ma.

Anyone stepping in my way will be destroyed especially if they threaten my family. My sisters mean the world to me, and I'll protect them with my life no matter what even if it means the death of me. The others inside me wouldn't like that, but it's the way things should be. The older brothers should protect them when the parents aren't there for them. Pa is a lucky son of a bitch because Ma at least tried to stand up for us. Most of the time, she didn't care though. She never came when I called her name. She was a coward leaving me to fend for myself. She cared more about Chance. Pa never touched him, never laid a hand on him, never pushed him around for being a bad child. I hate him too because he never tried to save me. He can go rot in a hole with the rest of my family, like Ma, and like Pa will be doing soon. It's funny listening to Chance cry because he thinks I'm a bully. Well, maybe if he gave a shit about my life, he wouldn't deal with me now. I am a bully, and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

I am not a nice person, and it's not something to be ashamed of. Everyone needs to know to stay out of my way because I'm not afraid to fight them. My foot can fit inside their mouth with no problem. The only thing that should be noted is all the teeth will be missing. Perhaps the ignorant fools will swallow them, but that's hard to know. The first person who ever crossed my lines went away limping, but I had my own scars too. He tried to cut fingers into my hands where the fingers should be. I bled for hours, but I was finally able to bind them together controlling the bleeding. It wasn't easy, but it worked. If you look at my hands now, the scars are still there. I can't hide them, and I don't want to hide them. It only shows what I'm truly capable of. The pain was temporarily, and the pride of the wounds last forever. That bastard best hope I never see him again, though, because I will kill him just as I plan on killing my pa. If anyone has a problem with how I am, they can kiss my ass because it's up to me not them.

Uncle calls me Chaske, and whoever the hell this Chaske person is, I hate him. He needs to understand that my name is not Chaske, it's Volcan. I'm tired of every single person in the family mixing my name up. Often times, clothing is found laying on the ragged bed that's not mine, but it fits me perfectly. I've always blamed it on Chance because he's been drunk a lot. Sometimes, we'll get drunk together and he laughs at me, calling me Teddy or Chaske. It only took one time of him calling me those names before he quickly learned to call me Volcan. He wasn't happy with what happened, but he deserved it. I fucked him up. He wouldn't talk to me after that, and he went home like a little coward. I laugh at him every time I see him. He's a weakling, and the moment he's ever placed in the games, he'll die because he doesn't know how to fight. He'll be dead the moment the games begin, and it wouldn't phase me at all. I am stronger than him, and he never understands why my words bring him down. Maybe one day he'll understand, and he'll realize that I hate his guts. It's impossible to love someone who doesn't love himself.

Why does my family think they are superior to me? Isn't it obvious that I'm the best to ever walk the earth? Every move I make, I plan out perfectly. I don't just rush in fighting, I wait, and watch making sure every move I make is right on the spot. Of course, I miss from time to time, and I make that one mistake, but it doesn't stop me. I want to be perfect, but perfection is just a mere word everyone wants to seek. Whoever thinks they are perfect needs to be slapped across the face and have since knocked into them because they are only fooling themselves. Ma thought she was perfect, and she's dead now. Pa think he's perfect, and eventually he will die because no matter what, I will be watching and waiting for the moment to strike. I'll show him the lesson he always tried to teach me. I am not one to fuck with, and he definitely pushed him limits beyond what they should have been. Torturing me like an idiot wasn't enough; he made sure every one in the entire family watched, and that's something I'll never forgive. His sins will never leave my mind because one day he will pay the ultimate price - death.

"Is that all you have to say?"

"Yes. I am done, now leave me alone."

Codeword:
odair