kjell ingeborgson | district four // fin

The first thing one might comment about Kjell’s appearance could go something like “My oh my! That sure is an acne problem you got there, Kjell!”. And he’s heard that a fuck too many times. So much that it’s become a hilarious trend to say the sentences above to his face.

The unimaginably huge number of little dots scattered on his face aren’t all acne. Some of them are freckles, as Kjell likes to tell himself. But in the end, he still looks like someone with a terrifying acne problem. It has cleared up a bit from the mess of skin he had a couple years ago, but that doesn’t leave him with any sort of clear face.

If you would bother to take your eyes off of his ridiculous acne, you might start to notice other things about him. Like the blue-green eyes that plant themselves on his face. Or the dirty blond hair that sticks out under his hat.

Speaking of hats, Kjell wears a lot of hats. He wears them as much as he can, sometimes even when he’s not allowed to. It doesn’t matter if they’re caps or beanies or berets, if it’s a hat, Kjell will wear it. Another reason why his hair (if you get the chance to see it) seems messy 24/7.

But on especially hot days, Kjell will, amazingly, shed his hats and people get to see how his hair is supposed to look. Short hair that’s swept to the right with a couple of flyaways here and there. When he just takes off his hat, it looks like a nest a chicken might have made. 

Kjell pretends to not give a fuck about his appearance, but he really is insecure about it. He'll spend hours at the mirror trying to figure out which look makes him look the best. Sometimes he'll intentionally make it look like he just woke up, threw on some clothes, and done.

Although not exactly muscular, Kjell is pretty tall. His height gives him this added boost of confidence, literally looking down on others. He does have a few strips of muscle running up his arms or legs, but altogether, he’s not the fittest guy in the district.

Quick to judge, and stubborn to boot, Kjell is a lit fuse ready to blow at any moment. The worst part about that is he lets himself be set off. Once upon a time, he tried to work on his anger problems, he really did, but when hormones set in, he said fuck it and stopped trying whatsoever.

His body is always taut with a strange, jittery energy that unleashes itself in the form of outbursts whenever something goes wrong, or someone says something he doesn't like, or he stubs his toe, or, well, anything, really. His expression is this constant grimace, like he's getting ready for bad things to happen (as they inevitably always do).

Kjell is a glass-half-empty sort of guy. He doesn't like people in general and is wary of strangers, kind of like a wild animal. It takes an incredible amount of effort to get close to him. He'd rather scare you off with curses and threats of violence than try and make friends.

Only half on purpose, over the course of his lifetime he's shoehorned himself into the seemingly one-dimensional personality of embodied rage. Kjell wants people to see that side of him, and that side only. He doesn't like to appear weak or lonely and somehow that ends up with him acting like an asshole to everyone in the vicinity.

Kjell doesn't think he's smart and he gets frustrated over the tiniest things, but he's not stupid. He might not be great at math or science, and maybe classic literature makes him want to throw up, but there is a measure of intelligence in there, whether he recognizes it or not.

That said, the guy's absolute shit at arguing. He's the type that will respond to a witty jab with a dumb 'your mother' comment and then storm off only to think up something ten thousand times more awesome later. Kjell's got a sassy, aggressive way of talking. He hates when people doubt or question him.

He doesn't like when people don't see things the same way he does but can't calm down enough to have a normal discussion about it. If you disagree with him, then fuck you and fuck your mother; also, kiss his ass, because he's out. Cue doorslam. Kjell is the gullible type. He's the type that gets targeted by the trickster types specifically, because he flips out so quickly and can be lead to believe almost anything.

Underneath all that fluff and bluster, Kjell has an unexpectedly sweet side. Due to his nature, when this manifests, it's covered by layers of apathy or snark -- for instance, he might tell someone he actually likes that he 'hates them, absolutely despises them' but if one were listening closely, they'd hear that his words lacked a real bite to them.

Sure, when he gets all riled up, sometimes he does things he regrets later, but in general he's pretty careful about all that stuff. On the flip side, though, he never thinks over whatever comes out of his mouth. It's hard for him to keep secrets and a lot of the times he ends up spouting off things he never meant for anyone else to ever hear. He's a poor loser and a poor winner and has been known to ragequit arguments and again, cue doorslam. Kjell can't handle other people whatsoever.

Confessions leave him wide-eyed and fumbling and the thought of romance of any kind leaves him stopped in his tracks with a look on his face like a deer caught in headlights. He refuses to acknowledge the relationship between him and his best friend, even if they are sort-of dating.

He's extremely embarrassed by it and despite the fact he's been aware of his sexuality since his teens, he hasn't quite come to terms with it. In short, he's a barely-out-of-the-closet homosexual with homophobic tendencies. Kjell has absolutely zero pride in who he is but can't bring himself to even so much as attempt to change things for the better.

Kjell came out into the world squalling, with his tiny brows already furrowed, an expression that became quite common as he grew up. He was his parents' fifth child, and although his two most eldest siblings had already flown the coop, their small house always felt crowded.

The part of town they lived in was a relatively small place; everyone knew each other's business and, being that there was only one school, all the kids grew up together. As a young child, Kjell was prone to explosive temper tantrums that often ended with him in time-out for hours at a time, since he was the kind of kid that kept talking back and extending their punishment.

At school, these outbursts led to some semi-severe bullying that only ended when another classmate, a bigger boy his age named Eduard, stepped up and finally defended Kjell. Being the type that always refused help, on account of thinking it made him look weak, Eduard's 'help' only angered Kjell further and he attacked the other boy.

The fight that followed went down in legend at their small school -- the two were both suspended for a week, grounded for several more, and, being boys, they almost immediately became best friends once the dust had settled.

Eduard got Kjell in a way no other kid did. Kjell's siblings mostly avoided him, on account of his outrageous temper and the fact his parents still (somehow) considered him the baby of the family and would spoil him rotten. Still, though, somewhere there was a sense of family, and when he grew a little older, one of his brothers decided to teach him the joys of swimming.

Since he practically lived in his family’s backyard pool, something they were very fortunate to have, Kjell already knew how to swim -- or, at least, the basics of it. Diving down into the depths and losing himself in the cool water turned out to be a welcome outlet for his seemingly relentless anger, and so Kjell took to the water like a fish.

He slowly made more friends as he grew up, though he refused to achieve the 'best friend' status with anyone other than Eduard. His grades weren't great but they were passing, and really no one expected more.

Kjell hit the high school age, and it was there a few things... changed. It became easier and easier to set him off, and he marched around with his temper set constantly at a low sizzle. He'd always been this kind of short, scrawny kid but all of a sudden he shot up in height, so that seemingly overnight he found himself towering over his classmates he'd been at eye-level with before.

His face felt constantly dry and would break out if he didn't baby it with the face wash that one of his sisters had provided. Things came to a head when he vented his frustrations to Eduard one night and the other boy, for whatever reason, replied by asking him to prom. Kjell punched him in the face, told him to go fuck himself, and then went and threw himself in the pool. Kind of dramatic, yeah, but he needed a way to cool off, stat.

Sooner or later, Kjell’s parents decided that their child was falling behind in his education and threw him into a boarding school for challenged kids. It sucked. He'd vent for hours to his roommate about how much he hated it, and he'd sit there, calmly telling him to suck it up. Kjell missed the ocean, and he missed his tiny house, and he missed stupid-ass Eduard.

He even missed his siblings, though they still treated him like a baby, despite his age. He powered through his first few years by calling Eduard almost every night and ranting about this and that. It was on one of those calls that it finally came out.

He was bitching about how this dumb chick in one of his classes kept trying to give him his number and then, like a verbal avalanche he couldn't stop, he said 'fuck, dude, I think I'm gay'. He tried to gloss over it, but it was there, and by the way Eduard shut up completely, he'd obviously heard it.

So, yeah, things were a bit different then. That was the only time it came up, though -- he refused to admit to it again when his roommate questioned him about it later, though he realized then how obvious it had been, for quite some time. (He couldn't have known it, but the roommate already knew).

• ALPINE SKIER: Henrik Kristoffersen as Kjell Ingeborgson