Eira Craft - D12 [Finished]

Heavy breathing, a thick smelly breath in my ear. I felt the weight upon my shoulders, and wished I could push it back. A part of me thought it would never end, it felt that moment would keep on repeating itself until the end of the world. I couldn't stop imagining it, how i would never be free . That he, that disgusting old man would lock me in there, that he would keep me as his property. I was partly right, because he took away a part of me that I would never get pack. A part of me became his property, and I haven't claimed it back until this day. I would never have imagined myself being there, but nobody does until that one day when the starvation and the weight of seeing your family starving is finally to heavy. One day, the burden gets to heavy to carry. That was when I finally gave in and I let myself get humiliated and used.

That dark, sad october night came to change my life. I wanted to stop, but seeing how my siblings cheeks were finally filling out, how the ribs slowly started hiding behind the layer of fat they at last started building. The sight of them actually growing, taller and healthier for every day - it was too much. I forced myself to continue on, to find more old men that wanted the company of a young girl at night. And it tore me apart, every single piece of my personality got crushed in between the sheets by men that stench of alcohol.

At the end of the Seam, a little cabin lay closely build to the meadow. The ceiling looked as if it was about to burst into the house any second. A huge crack went through the glass of the window that was facing the front of the house. The cabin, or if it even deserved that title seemed almost inhabitable, but through the dusty windows a small light fought its way through. Entering the house, the furniture seemed almost older and more broken than the house itself. Layers of dust upon tables and racks made it look almost deserted. Yet, the unwashed dishes by the kitchen counter told another story. 

A big family gathered around the table, seeing their starved bodies with the bones sticking out, it wasn’t hard to judge this family was not a wealthy one. Dirty faces and torn clothes told a story of starvation, reaching throughout years. The one of the sibling was a girl, barely an adult but to developed to be called a child. Eira Craft, she was called, named after her grandmother who was named after her mother and so on. Her hair was a mess, dark brown and tangled into knots. It reached just beneath her breasts. Her body was crawled up somehow, hiding her body behind her shoulders. She seemed unsecure, almost shy at times. At every little crack, her eyes flew across the room as if the enemy was hiding just behind the corner.

Life has never treated the Craft family kindly, but the longer Eiras life kept on, the worse it seemed to get. When she had just turned fourteen, it happen. The terrible incident that came to change the her entire life. The rumors had been blowing in the wind, seeking its why between ears and mouths in form of whispers when it finally got to the ears of Eiras mother. This is no usual gossip, neither was it fun. Some said it had been an explosion down in the mines, a terrible explosion killing everyone. But other said it was just rumors, that it had just been a  little incident that hurt nobody. Some even said nothing had happened at all, and that it was all Old Lennies, who had a stand in the Hobs made up stories.  The harshness of Eiras mothers face when she found out, came to stay there for a very long time. She collected her children, all of them, the youngest one still a infant feeding by her chest. Together they sat outside the mines, wrapped in blankets, given to them by sympathic strangers. 

Eiras father never arrived. He had been blown to bits by the explosion. He worked down in the minery every day for more them 20 years. Someday, he came home with his hands bleeding, torn and exhausted from his day at work. He had been enslaved by the capitol for years, working and working but still never making a worthy salary. He was doomed to live that way, as they all were, the population of the Districts. Every day when he got home from his endless work hours down in the mines, he gladly played with his children out on the meadow. Hide and seek was the biggest favourite, and whenever he managed finding Eira, he picked her up and tickled her until she screamed in delight. 

Her father was as gone as the birds who flue south in the winters, the only difference is that he wasn't coming back. If the Craft family had suffered from starvation before, it never even came close to what they now had to go through. It didn't take long before all the siblings looked more like skeletons, than an animal of any sort.  His mother was not only completely handicapped because of her grief, but also raising an infant and all the other kids.

Eira knew it, she had to get a job, very fastly if they weren't going to starve. Each and every day she walked the roads of District 12. She knocked on every door and asked every woman and every man. Most of them slammed the door in her face, some of them laught at her misery. Others were nicer, they pitied her and offered some small amount of compassion. They all had one thing in common, they all sent her away with the disappointment growing in her hollow stomach.

One day, a man asked her to come in. That he would pay, just to get her company. As the naive and innocent girl she was, she gladly took him up on the offer. At first, they just talked. He was getting more and more intimate, and she ended up screaming at him and running away. She was terrified, how could he have expected that from her? Was she one of those girls? Concerning to her, the scariest question that came to her mind was - is it worth it?

Later that night she found herself in his bed chamber, terrified and used. He disguesting, absoutely disguesting, but somehow he was nice to her anyways. He braided her hair, spoke softly to her telling her she did good. All she felt was a need to vomit among with the feeling that she went to far, to low, became to desperate. She left night, confident it was the last time she would ever speak to that man. With more money than she had ever had in hand, she bought food to feed the entire family. Beef. The taste was indescribable. Never had anything she ever tasted been so good. She bought clothes without holes for her siblings. After that, she saved the money, only bought cheap food - but at least they didn't starve any longer.

The feast only lasted for a few days. It didn't take long before the burning feeling was back in her stomach. It didn't take long before there were no smiles on her siblings faces. Eira decided to go back, she showed up there once again. 

It continued on for days, months, years. She had been broken, mentally broken. She even went so far that she started developing some messed up taste for it. She needed it, it was her way of self harm. She got depressed and oppressed, the man became more and move violent. She found others too, and before she even knew it - it was like a little buisness. Sometimes, she joined in with other girls. Some of the old men wanted two at the same time, sometimes even more. The days with the other girls were the best, it didn't feel as unsecure. It felt good having someone else to rely on, and they didn't judge you. They knew what it was like and why it had to be like that. 

The rumors of her money source spread to school. The once who once been her friend started bullying her, calling her names and trying to shame her for her behaviour. She grew isolated and scared. The nightmares had taken over her days to, and now it was not only the voice inside her head telling her all these horrible things - the voices came from outside to. Her friends knew, her mother, her siblings and even her teachers knew. Nobody bothered, there were no other way and they all knew it. 

One day, she was meant to go meet up with a girl her age, two years older actually. She was a beautiful girl, her opposite. Blonde long hair, jade green eyes and pale skin: She was delicate and magnificent. Never had Eira met somebody quite like her. With her beautiful well choosen words, she could make everything feel a little better. She made her laughing when crying, calm when mad and mad when it was necessary. She was a big bandage, caring for her lie nobody else. Eira opened up her heart and poured it all out, she cried for hours and hours. In the end, she ended up loving that girl, that beautiful blonde girl named Ruby. 

Thanks to that girl, Eira got out of her bad circle. Together, they disassociated themselves from all of it. They built a new life, an acceptable life where they didn't sell their own happiness. As Eira had just turned 18, they both started working in the minery. At first, she was afraid her father fate was going to be hers. It felt dangerous and unsecure, but after a while she realized that this was a much safer than her previous job. Nobody threatened her, beat her blue and broken or even lay a finger on her. She got to spend all of her time with Ruby, and that was all worth it.

For Eiras part, their realtionship kept developing further. Her feelings for Ruby was not considered to be appropriate between girls, it was unaccaptable. She was afraid for it all, that Ruby didn't feel the same way, that her mother would be devastated - that the bullying would start again. 

She never told Ruby about her feelings. She never killed that old man as she promised herelf she would. She never had children or a spouse. She never kissed the girl she loves. She never told her siblings that they are her world. She never cursed at her mother for letting her go through that. She never told her old friends which harmed they caused her.

The moment she was reaped, that list of nevers will never come.