Unexpected life [Allyssa Standalone]

My hands shake, the small oblong contraption falling to the tiled bathroom floor. No, it's not possible, I've done everything I could do to make sure this didn't happen. I couldn't afford to be pregnant. Yet somehow I knew, I'd known all along that this had been the case, somehow my body had known right away that this was what had happened that one night Mason and I had actually done it. For three months now, I'd been denying it, pretending that the morning sickness was just food poisoning but having it for three months seemed unlikely. I felt tears form in my baby blue eyes, a rare occurrence for someone like me who was supposed to be cold and heartless. The problem was was that since Mason had entered my life, I'd changed. No longer was I cruel and cold as my uncle had trained me but instead I was a far gentler person who actually had this thing called a conscious.

I stare at the test for a few long moments, my knees giving out and making me slide to the cold floor as the tears just kept coming uncontrollably. Why had I fucked up so badly, I needed Mason here, I needed him so badly it hurt. That's not going to happen, Ally, you broke his heart The conscious I'd developed whispers in my mind as I curl up into a ball, allowing the tears to come. I just needed someone, I needed someone to hold onto right now and I didn't really care who it was that found me, I just needed someone. If I could go back in time and change my actions, I would do so in a heartbeat.

Choked sobs escape my lips as I search around for my stuffed mearkat and I find him sitting on my bed, untouched for so many months. I pick him up and hug him tightly, allowing the tears to just come. I'm sorry Mason, I'm sorry I hurt you. I need you I plead silently. Images of us together pop into my mind as I continue to cry. I need him so much right now, I need his arm around me, telling me it will be alright because I'm scared. I am terrified as to what is going to happen to this child because I am not a suitable mother for him or her. The thought of my Uncle discovering my pregnancy terrifies me more than anything, if he finds out that his best assassin is out of commission, he'll have Mason hunted down and killed and I still care about him, even if we aren't together anymore.

I almost suffocate myself as I hide myself underneath the blankets, the oxygen level falling rapidly from my cries and I gasp as I shove them off, taking large gulps of air. Pull yourself together, Allyssa, you're a Tornhell for fuck sake's, start acting like one Indigo's voice rings through my head, reminding me to be strong. I have to be strong if I expect my child to survive. I don't need Mason, I'm perfectly capable of handling this on my own. Unfortunately, the pain in my heart as my hand gently rests against my abdomen is almost unbearable. I need him, I need to find him and apologize and fix this, I need to make things between us better even if I don't want to because he was being a bit over-dramatic. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I lie back in bed, staring up at the ceiling. I'm going to be a mother, a life is growing inside of me that will rely on me to care for it. How the hell am i going to pull this off. Questions swirl around in my head as I curl up and drift off to sleep