a lover of the lights | teegan & hallie | [anna]

I was used to days like this, days spend far away from my home in an attempt to separate myself rom them and pretend that I wasn't with them. Of course everyone in this district knew that I was part of the Croft family, I was the laughing stock of school, and I was the laughing stock of the training facilities. Time and again I had brought dishonor upon my family, so by this point they probably didn't want anything to do with me as much as I didn't with them. I had failed at two potential romances now, blowing both chances by sinking deeper into a world that didn't exist. I wasn't meant to be with people, I didn't like people and they didn't like me. Though for me to say I didn't like people was a little bit of a lie, but still...why should I like them if they weren't going to respect me.

I stared out across the expanse of ocean that surrounded my district, wondering how long it would take me to run out of air if I were to run out into the water and let it drape over me like a curtain, cutting off my air supply until I drifted into unconsciousness and eventually death. It was too easy though, no one would respect me if I did that, everyone would have their last memory of me being a weak girl who couldn't make it in life, who let the words of others condemn her to a watery grave. No, now wasn't the time to do it, if there ever would be a time, I had to continue on and prove that I was worth something to them. Reaching down I picked up a small shell and threw it into the water with as much strength as possible. I heard the small splash as it fell into the water, and I imagined it sinking down into the depths eventually finding it's way back onto the beach where someone else would probably throw it into the crashing surf.

With my mind preoccupied with dark thoughts, it took a while for a voice yelling a name to penetrate my senses, putting me on high alert. I had believed I was alone on this beach, and would be for at least a few hours more. It wasn't to be so though, I heard shouting, a name, someone was shouting for a person by the name of Avie. I could hear footsteps pounding along the hard packed, wet sand, and it sounded as if they were coming towards me. I turned my head to see another girl, probably about my age, charging towards me as she shouted my name, and I felt my face crinkle in confusion. Finally she came to a stop in front of me, and a look of disappointment crossed her face as her hands came down to her hips and her chest heaved while she tried to catch her breath. She explained that she thought I was someone else, but I wondered how I, as thin and featureless as I was, could have anyone that looked like me in this district. Not even my own siblings looked like me.

Never the less I gave her a shy smile and shook me head, trying to find the right words to say. "It's okay, everyone makes mistakes, though I find it difficult to believe that anyone is as thin or...equally as un-endowed as I am." I could feel my cheeks heat up as I drew sand up around my thin frame, embarrassed that someone had caught me in my bathing suit. So much for my time alone and today being like any other, almost no one ever came to this part of the beach right now, and yet here was this rather small girl standing in front of me searching for someone. In order to stop myself from scrutinizing her more closely I stared down at the sand, curling my toes around a small pile and watching it come up between them. "So you're looking for someone named Avie? Who is she to you, your girlfriend or something, because if she ran down towards here I wouldn't count on seeing her again. This particular part of the beach isn't called Lost Cove for a reason, people who come here generally don't come back."

I watched as a faint blush crept over the girl's cheeks, giving her face a light crimson glow, which of course in turn made my own face heat up. That was one of my biggest downfalls, the fact that when someone else blushed I always had to blush too, it was mostly out of embarrassment because I was afraid something I had said caused it. This time it seemed pretty obvious that I had caused it, and I tried to back track over everything I had said, Avie being her girlfriend, this being the Lost Cove, none of it seemed so bad to me, but her next statement led me to believe it was the girlfriend comment. Her voice had a slight waver to it as she explained that Avie was her sister, and her cheeks grew a deeper red as she said it, in turn it made me feel like a complete idiot. I had a tendency to not realize that every girl wasn't like me, but with this girl...well it seemed to hit a nerve.

The last straw for me came when I saw her eyes traveling up and down my legs, and my face turned a deep red as I stood up and made a halfhearted attempt to find my clothes to cover up. Of course I had left them at home though, considering I had thought this place would be somewhere I could be alone. With a shaky sigh I sat back down in the sand and drew my knees up to my chest, drawing my arms around them, hoping to cover myself up a little more. Naturally it was impossible with a bikini on, but part of me felt a little better by at least making the attempt. Finally the subject seemed to take a turn for the better, or at least a little better than before, and she asked me what I was doing down here if it was Lost Cove. Unfortunately there was no really good answer to it, but I figured I would at least try to explain it. "Well to be honest...yes I'm trying to disappear, it's better than living in this world, suffering through endless torment."

I looked up at her guiltily, realizing that maybe saying that wasn't helping her situation, and I tried to think of a way to make it up to her. I wondered if inviting this strange girl to sit by me would make her feel any better about things, but I could feel a blush creeping over my face as I thought about it. She was pretty to look at, short in height, but definitely built like the Careers around here. Of course that had to be the type of girl I really loved, the ones that could take care of themselves in a fight. With a small groan I uncurled my arms from around my legs, patting the sand beside me in an invitation to sit down. "I didn't mean it like that you know, I just get frustrated with my family and with life, and...love, love seems to be a department I always seem to strike out on. It's not that I really WANT to die, but I'd be lying if the prospect of dying didn't seem so inviting to me."

I looked over at her guiltily and clenched my fist around the sand, annoyed that I was explaining this to someone. I had wanted to be alone, and now I had another girl to share my pain with me. She was probably worried about her sister and all I could do was sit here and wallow in my own grief. Just something else to add to my list of failures, I wasn't compassionate enough to take someone else's troubles seriously. Or was it that...maybe I did take it seriously, maybe it was just that her sister running away over here reminded me of myself and my own failures. Without thinking I began tracing my fingers lightly across the top of her hand, losing myself in my own mind, and when I realized what I was doing I let out a small squeak and quickly withdrew my hand. "I'm sorry about that, I didn't mean anything by it I swear, it's just a habit of mine to do stuff like that, and with you sitting beside me so close...it was just...I was like...nevermind."

I closed my eyes and felt my face tingle as it turned a deeper red then I thought was even possible. I knew that I had to look ridiculous right now, but I couldn't help it. I had just made a boneheaded move with this girl I barely knew, who was looking for her lost sister, and who probably thought I was a complete weirdo. I stammered out more apologies and finally just shut myself up, staring down at the sand between my legs, feeling like a total fool. Oh Hallie I thought you really are a piece of work aren't you, you never know when to quit.