untitled [Sisterhood Day 4]

owen {♔} bowers-fox

The previous night had been longer than all the others combined, and every minute seemed to pass by more slowly than the last. Sundown had leaked into a dreary night, with recollections of my previous time with Leon intertwining into each star that bleakly shone against the blanket of black.

“I can’t.”

”I understand.” (And even though it’s nothing but a lie, I pretend that everything makes sense, because it just might make things easier).

The moments of silence that followed caused more pain than any knife could inflict, and the decision to not stay around any longer lingered in my thoughts until I finally pushed myself to my feet, picking up my discarded bag and casting one last look at Leon Krigel, and though I wanted to stare forever and lose myself in him once more, I turned my attention back in the way I had come and headed back to a reality that I did not want to face. This had been some twisted sort of fantasy, a time that had revealed true intentions and desires and even though they weren’t fulfilled, they were released from the confines of our mind, granting more relief than any solitary time could have. So I suppose I should feel gratitude falling through my mind at each careless step I take back in the direction that points to Charlie and Aelia, but instead it’s confusion mixed with anger, and that in itself is the worst possible combination.

Rapid fire thoughts cross my mind as I attempt to figure out what I did to cause this, even if I had been assured by the problem himself that I was not at fault. But it had to be my fault; it’s always because of me that things go awry, even when I’m only trying to fix them.

“What have you found among those three that we couldn’t give to you—that I couldn’t give to you?” My own words ring true in my ears, the question still stinging like salt in a fresh wound as I met his gaze with uneasy eyes and a tired mind.

“There’s nothing important there that you can’t give me, Owen. You could—you could give me so much more, and we could spend every second of every day to the end of one or both of our lives together, and it could be perfect—“

Then let me. Let me give you the world and everything in it, even if it lasts only a day more, for it would be worth it. It would be worth every tear shed and every previously held back word, and we could rule the world. But I’m apparently the only one to see this as he continues, “But—but things change.”

And I suppose they have, in the sense that I stumble into our camp red eyed and sniffling, wasting no time in settling down in an area as far away from the other two as I can, barely making it back in time to see the faces of Darius Radler and the girl from two flash across the sky in bursts of blaring light, and I’m thankful for the momentary distraction it brings about, for it breaks the silence in two and causes all thoughts of Leon Krigel to shatter with it, even if it’s only for a moment.

The dark rules again with silence at it’s right hand, and I toss and turn over and over again in an attempt to find some way to make sleep seem probable. However, the frigid wind and cold temperatures make it more difficult than it already is, and the thin clothing that has stuck to my body so incessantly for the last three days now does little in terms of holding any heat to my body. So I curl up to pull as much heat into myself as possible and watch the sky until exhaustion takes over and I fall into a deep sleep.

I’m awoken by the blinding light of the morning sun, and sleep shakes itself from my body as we pack our belongings and trudge off. We see no sight of a living soul on our entire journey from the arid desert to the heavenly, murky riverbed and Aelia acts for all of us as she throws herself forward, filling her canteen quickly and boiling it over the small fire she’s managed to start. I wade in just to my calves, letting the water seep through the denim as I fumble with the cap to my canteen, my trembling hands thrilled at the mere thought of water as it rushes in.

Once I’ve gotten a decent amount I walk out, leaving a trail of water behind me as I make my way to Aelia’s fire, setting my jug on top of it and sitting down to watch it boil, longing for the moment in which it would be finished. In the meantime I turn my attention to Aelia, who’s fumbling with some strange contraption, turning it over in her hands and looking at the pieces blankly as she makes no progress towards the goal she’s trying to accomplish. I’m about to stand and make my way over to see what she’s gotten her hands on, but her voice rings out in the meantime and I simply smile as annoyance takes on an undertone beneath the usual gentleness that present itself, “Hey guys? I really need some help with this thing. It’s big and ugly and I don’t know what to do. My hands hurt, please help me.”

I chuckle as I make my way over to her, leaning over her shoulder as I do my best to make sense of the object, but nothing makes itself apparent and I long for Cody’s seemingly endless knowledge, for by this time he’d have already identified it and listed all the possible uses, whereas I’ve come up with absolutely nothing at all.

I shrug as I turn my gaze to Charlie, hoping her knowledge is greater than mine, and I leave her to deal with the situation at hand as I make my way back over to the fire, tediously removing the canteen from the flames and setting it to the side to let it cool, though the urge to rip off the top and down the entire thing sits prominently in my thoughts.

Seconds and minutes seem to take hours to pass as I stare intently at the jug of water, as though if I watch it carefully the heat that’s purified it will fade quicker than if I let it fall from my vision. It has to be cool by now, or at least cool enough.

And though some heat remains encapsulated in the clear water, it doesn’t matter at all because the taste of it down my throat is nothing short of heavenly, and before I know it, my glass has run dry.