Jori Burch // D2 (WIP)

Hello Demi, I'm Charade, and I'll be taking a look at this character bio today. You have a good character idea here, but you're still running into many of the same problems cropped up in the Corzette bio you recently gave up on.

I'd like you to take a look at this bio here: Click me!
It's written in third person and throughout the bio sections you can see that the writer describes Mace's Appearance, describes his Personality, and under history, tells the reader about Mace's life up to the age listed in the bio. He's listed as being 18, and so the history talks about what he did as he grew up, what he's doing now, and what he plans to do in the future.


Now, you're writing in 1st person, but the fundamentals remain the same. Please read over this first person Bio. Click me too!

Even though the perspective is different, the writer still has colgate describe to the reader: What he looks like, What he thinks like, and talks about his life up to the point in time that the bio takes place.

The largest issue with this bio is that it's structured like a person telling me about one singular event. (Jori's day, what she did, what her mom did and what people thought about her after her mother killed herself. On top of that, it's all told in the present tense. 

I realize that one of the biggest rules in writing is "Show, don't tell." But when it comes to character Bio's you've really got to make sure you tell us:

A. What the character looks like. In depth. Facial Features, facial structure, body type, etc. There's more to describing a person than just saying how tall they are and what the color of their hair and eyes are.

B.What their personality is like. What are their hopes and dreams? How do they deal with various emotions. How do they treat other people. What do they think about themselves?

C. The purpose of the history section is to tell us things we should know about the character's life. Things that have already happened that are not going to be roleplayed in threads. And it should cover a majority of their life, not just tell us about a single day.


I'd like to see you work through this and get your character bio sounding more like a biography and less like a roleplaying post. You've got good information in here, it's the way that its being presented that is causing a problem.

Post back when you've made the necessary edits, and I or another Staff Member will take another look ^^