Letters to Juliet //Lethe

The following thread will merely contain letters that Lethe never sends.

Dear Jasper,

I don't know when this will reach you, but I do believe if it's by Capitol post you'll get it by tomorrow.

Since arriving here, I’ve played at being my mother (scary, right?). Prior to the start of the Games, I tried to be with him every moment. Now, I watch him desperately from a screen. Erebus has shown far more strength that I did when I was Reaped while I, on the other hand, no longer Reaped, hide in my room day in and day out, just watching. Don’t worry. Some of my friends have come to visit me. I’ll have to introduce you to some of the Victors one day like Klaus and even Peri. You may not think so, with the rumors about all of them, but they’re all decent people. Arbor and Cricket frighten me a bit, but they mean well. I’ve been planning on having a picnic with Opal soon, but it’s so hard to drag myself away from the screen.

Watching him on that screen frightens me more than you and I find myself wishing I had elected to bring Eden along just to hold her close. Or you. I wish you had been allowed to come. The spot next to me is so cold.

I am frightened.

My brother has lasted two days in that Arena which is more than I can say for many others, but it is not indicative of anything. I have not told you much about my days in the Games, but...Letter writing is so strange, isn't it? You surely know; you once made a living off of it. It's easier to write down everything. It's easier to talk. Maybe because you can't see me and I can't see you.

Anyway, my Games days are not something I'd like to return to (you probably know that from my nightmares that I know keep you up at night), but here I feel like I have, playing the game along with my brother. Every blow he takes hurts me in a deep place and I’ve found that my eye socket has begun to ache. The Avoxes that attend me are constantly picking up after me because after a long day of watching I have no strength to properly clean up my room. Not that I’m expected to anyway.

It’s probably treasonous to write this and my heart is beating so wildly, but I must tell someone: I feel like they’re testing me. Did they take Erebus because I had a child out of wedlock? Do they frown upon that here? Is it because Eden belongs to a Capitolite who should never have made children with the likes of me? You have to burn this letter. I don’t want to say it, but you once told me it’s good to write things down. I’m going insane keeping it all in . I may be a Victor, a celebrity, but the people who live in the Capitol here are still above me. I am no equal although they may like to party with me. They’ll never feel the pain of having a child or a sibling taken from them. Maybe that’s the problem. Eric will. One day. And he’s not supposed to.

Everything I just crossed out I can wait until I get home to tell you. Please pray with me that I come home with my brother. Please let me come home with Erebus. I can’t even bare the thought of anything happening to him...it’s hard to write it now. I know you love Eden and I know you now know this fear: that she, too, will one day face the Reaping. I’ve always tried to push it back in my head, but with Erebus reaped, it feels like that awful day has come. Erebus is my brother, my kin, and he’s been sent to die. I feel powerless to save him. What will I do if it’s Eden one day?

I’ve had no success with any of the tributes I’ve mentored. I’ve always felt a drawing to them, of course. They know the life of District Five. Now, being mentor to my own brother has added a new dimension entirely. I know him personally. I love him. Watching him fight for his life is unbearable. And I feel personally responible for anything that happens to him.

My mother always asserted that it was curse that she had so many children despite the love she felt for us. I always figured that it was because her fattening body, the too-small house, the dying stable, but now I know. Children in the Districts, they’re far more of a curse than a blessing. I’m in terrible fear.

My period is late, Jasper.

My tears are blotting the page too much. I can barely write. Please tell Eden that I love her and I’ll be home soon. Please write back as quickly as you can.

With love,
Lethe

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