Adriatta Nightwing Capitol Done

Adriatta Nightwing Capitol Done Jul 23, 2014 16:04:23 GMT -5

Post by Sage on Jul 23, 2014 16:04:23 GMT -5

Adriatta Nightwing

Sweet is the sound of my newborn wings
I stretch them open, and let them dry
I haven't seen this world before
But I'm excused, I'm a butterfly

Silence has always been a friend of mine, for eighteen years it has protected me from the world and kept my grip on the thin veil of sanity strong. I have been offered a number of times to have the silence removed but I have refused every time because that seems to be the only thing keeping me sane because I believe that if I could hear everything people say about me, my grip on sanity would crumble into billions of pieces. As a Capitolite with a disability, I am seen as a shame to the city I live in, I don’t know why, it’s not like there’s anything physically wrong with me except for my deafness but whatever, I suppose that is simply how the cookie crumbles.

Do you know what silence
Tastes like on the tip of your tongue
The bittersweet reality that most
Will never have to know?
Do you know what silence
Feels like brushing against your mind
The tingling sensation of senses working
To keep up with the flow
Do you know what silence
Sounds like ringing in your ears
The utter lack of anything entering
The void of sound it makes
Do you know what silence
Looks like staring you in the face
The loneliness of a single mind trapped
Unable to escape

That’s a poem that I wrote. I have found words useless as I cannot hear them when they are spoken and so I write, I write to express myself and sometimes, the words just seem to appear on the page. I do know how to speak but I do not see the reason for speech. How do you maintain a conversation when you cannot hear the other person you’re speaking to?

There are days when I don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t see the point, there’s nothing I have to do because I don’t work and I don’t really have any friends. These days are my bad days, the days when my thoughts sometimes go suicidal but those days are few and far between, thank Ripred. I don’t know if I’d have made it this far if there were more of those days. My parents try to help me as much as they can but to be perfectly honest, they’re completely clueless when it comes to how to deal with me. They've tried getting me hearing aids but I have a habit of ‘accidentally’ losing them or ‘accidentally’ breaking them. After a while, I think my parents just gave up on me ever being able to hear although, they want to help me with my other issues. I love my parents but honestly, this is how I want to be. I do hate the depression I feel but it's better than going insane from being able to hear.

When I have worn hearing aids, I have found that my grip on sanity loosens but I'm not exactly sure as to why that is. It has always been that way, perhaps, this is the natural way I am supposed to live and Ripred is telling me so by making me feel like I'm going crazy whenever I hear the world. Either way, I'm not meant to hear the world.

Sweet is the touch of your newborn wings
We fly in circles, we play with the sun
We haven't seen this world before
So fair, so bright, so blue the sky

Staring in a mirror, I do not find myself to be pretty, I find myself average, my reddish hair not as spectacular to have as most people seem to think. I find it more of a nuisance actually because it usually attracts attention that I do not care for. You see, I do not have an issue with people, it is just that being deaf makes making friends difficult for me and so, I have learned to withdraw from the world and focus mostly on my writing. People who stare into my sea-green eyes can usually tell that something is off with me, they don't know exactly what it is but they know that something is wrong. Mom says I have a far off look in my eyes, like someone who isn't quite present and to be perfectly honest, usually I'm not there. I am usually lost in thought.

Freedom
such a simple word yet so few truly
understand its meaning
What is freedom
freedom is spreading your wings
taking flight away from the hands that grab hold
and try to keep you on the ground
freedom is running without a care
knowing that no one can ever hurt you again
racing through life towards a goal
you haven't yet attained
Hope
another simple word that is so
dearly misunderstood
what is hope?
Hope is holding on to something
even when you know that something is potentially impossible
believing that someone will return when
the certainty of such is unclear
Hope is the birth of a new generation
telling you that though there are tragedies life can go on
the idea that you will never be alone
even when the world seems to be against you

That is another poem I have written. It's not finished yet, I still have a few more words I want to work with; Wonder, Joy, Sadness. This is my passion, poetry and writing because that is my form of expression. Perhaps, this deafness was a gift, given to me by Ripred to make me a better person and create in me a different form of expressing myself and sharing it with the rest of Panem. I don't know though.

People think I'm stupid because I can't talk, most don't understand me but that's fine, I'm pretty sure I'm not that interesting of an individual anyways with my writing although my mom has written me, telling me that she thinks my writing is beautiful and that I should pursue a career in writing, I'm not sure though, who would want to read a deaf girls writing? Especially since I chose not to let them fix me and because I prefer a life of silence that none of them will ever understand but as I said before, silence has always been a dear friend of mine, for the eighteen years of my life.

One other thing you should know about me is that I love to read as well as write, I analyse writing styles and try to pick out the things I like about a writer and things I don't like about a writer. I try to sometimes incorporate the things I like about their writing into my own styles while I find things that work for me and things that don't work for me. Anyways, I believe that that is all that there is for me to tell you, thank you for reading this

Love me, love me on the leaves
Before we say goodbye
Love me, kiss me with the breeze
You will be my lullaby