king and lionheart {ezrabel}

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king and lionheart {ezrabel} Aug 18, 2014 22:23:53 GMT -5

Post by [nyte] on Aug 18, 2014 22:23:53 GMT -5

E Z R A

Having four walls has never been so lonely. The only bed I've owned in years is cold and stiff; worse than the grass I slept on for months before moving in. I've found myself awake most nights, sprawled on the floor while Salmon slept on my chest. I did little more than stare at the white-washed ceiling, specks of dirt creating make-believe constellations that were nothing compared to the real thing. It was better off this way, for the both of us. Ezabel had a family, like he'd always wanted and I had a home. I was making my own way through the world, had a job and an apartment. I didn't need nobody anymore.

What I wanted was a whole 'nother thing.

"You ain't allowed to leave, ever." My voice is hoarse, feels like it's been years since I last spoke. Salmon only gives a noncommittal mrrow before kneading his paws into my bare chest. "Yeah, I miss him too." I drag my fingers through his thick coat, fightin' back the stinging sensation behind my eyes. Work took up a lot of my time now, had to work nearly every day to keep up with rent. It wasn't as though I never got to see Ezabel anymore, there were a few hours we'd manage to steal here and there, when the both of us weren't busy with our new lives. I just miss falling asleep and knowing in the morning I'd get to see him right away.

I can't help but fear I pushed him away. It wasn't like I ever tried to take his feelings into consideration, to understand that he didn't feel the same way about me. The moment I'd kissed him our relationship was as good as dead yet I was still too thick to drop it. Was it any wonder he decided to stay with complete strangers? For how long I lay there, I'm not sure. Long enough for a faint blue light to snake its way through a dingy window, for my stomach to rumble like those long nights we'd gone without food. Back when it was Ezabel and I against the world. I can't quite explain why it feels as though such times are years behind us.

Before buying this place, I'd never so much as touched a cup of coffee. Now, it's about the only thing that keeps me going. With sleep becoming such a rarity, I find the bitter black liquid keeps fatigue at bay while I do what must be done. Even today when work was far off the roster, I couldn't help but brew the cheap espresso I'd bought at an employee's discount.

Yesterday's paper still sits on the dusty countertop, edges crumpled from where I'd crushed it the morning prior. Reading was a lot harder than I thought it'd be. Having never learned as a child I couldn't seem to wrap my mind around the complex symbols and their orders. How did they equate to the words I speak and hear almost every day? I clumsily straighten out the paper once again, narrowing my eyes to near slits so as to make out the tiny black print.

V....... c..... o....r L.......o......n o..... D...... s.....t.....i.....t F.....r

Fuck's sake.

Victor.... Leon...

It doesn't take long for me to give up, the reading material was utterly boring, even if i ever managed to make it out. I couldn't care less what the new Victor's favorite place to eat was. I'd lived in his home for the better part of 8 years and it was just as much of a shithole as the rest of the world. More so 'cause they were all stuck up pricks obsessed with the games. I doubted this Leon was any different. Fuck this. Fuck him.

The newspaper breaks easily beneath my grasp, tearing into small pieces and fluttering onto the floor. Salmon's delighted purrs fill the room as he chases the strips. I felt worse than I had in a long while, and I knew the only thing that could help me was halfway across town.

"Be good now, y'here?" I scratch the cat behind his ears, pullin' on a shirt before closing the door behind me. I don't bother locking it as there ain't much to take other than a couple of pairs of clothes and a grumpy cat.

It didn't take long to get accustomed to District Five's streets again, I knew exactly where I was goin' without so much as checking the signs around me. I didn't need a sign to tell me where Ezabel was. I'd made sure to memorize the path, just in case he ever needed me there fast. I worried about a boy as innocent as him in a world like this.

I've arrived faster than expected, the sun still having yet to peak over the horizon. Ezabel wouldn't mind me crashing in here for a few before he was ready to wake up, surely. 'Sides it'd be just like old times. Gently pushing the window open, I throw myself inside, landing not-so gracefully upon the floor of the Sycamore household. Ezabel's room was just on the other side of the hallway; all I had to do was open the door...

"Yo Eza!" He probably wasn't asleep anyways.

{i want you to
s t a y;

Last Edit: Aug 18, 2014 22:40:55 GMT -5 by [nyte]

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king and lionheart {ezrabel} Aug 30, 2014 20:30:35 GMT -5

Post by Python on Aug 30, 2014 20:30:35 GMT -5

E Z A B E L S Y C A M O R E

Ezabel has slept in many bedrooms.

Back at Ma’s he had shared a bunk bed with Ezra, but more than often he would climb down to slip under the blankets with him and talk about the dreams he had the night before, or what he wanted to dream about next. Or they would sneak a flashlight into their little fortress and invent ghost stories until Ezabel was too spooked to continue. He would flinch at every whisper and every creak in the house on those particular nights, until Ezra consoled him into relaxation. He missed nights like those; he had missed them for eight years, and now it was no different.

His second bedroom had been an expanded closet more than anything. In a foster home with enough children to fill over half of a Reaping’s tribute positions, there was a diminishing amount of floor space, and Ezabel had been forced into a room with two strange boys. Both would hardly regard him as anything but a silent nuisance. When they wanted to read, he couldn’t. When they wanted to play, they scolded him for his bashfulness and pleaded him to “man up” for the sake of their roughhousing. They always excluded him from the group of boys, and the girls certainly didn’t want him around either. He was never able to fall asleep comfortably to the sound of their breathing. The knowledge that those breaths would never be wasted on him always reminded him of how much he missed Ezra.

His third bedroom had been tidy and spacious, with its own bookshelf to taunt him. Down the hall were Ms. Bo’s two adopted daughters, both of whom were polite enough not to under appreciate the effort he put forth into his list of chores. He had adjusted to his loneliness by then. Instead of sulking over lack of communication, he merely observed everybody else. Cara’s love life, Charlotte’s group of gossiping friends, Ms. Bo’s complaints about the world of politics and education. It was all he had to occupy his mind until her untimely death.

His next bedroom had not been a bedroom at all; it had been the barren streets, with no walls to bind him and no bed to call his own.

Then he volunteered for the drought recovery system in District Ten, where he was assigned a bunk with a mattress on the floor. It was far from impressive, but did he have the right to complain? That was where he had reunited with Ezra, after all, and upon their return he discovered lost comfort in his tent. With Ezra and his new cat Salmon curled up at his side, Ezabel could finally rest at peace. He could occupy his thoughts with Ezra instead of the meaningless actions of strangers. He could listen to purring instead of crickets. Everything was perfect.

Almost.

They separated when the Sycamores offered him bed space. Granted, he had never slept in a dead tribute’s room before (and was rather disturbed upon finding out, remembering all of the ghost stories they had fabricated as a children), but despite his wanting to stay connected with Ezra, he insisted that he stay because it was the best thing for him. Ezabel disagreed; he was meant to stay with his best friend in his new apartment, but he hadn’t argued. He didn’t want to appear clingy or desperate. In fact, he had never been feeling more self-conscious in his entire life, and he knew why. He had realized a few weeks ago, when the incessant butterflies in his stomach would flutter each time Ezra smiled at him.

I’m attracted to my best friend.

He didn’t know if that was called “love,” but he was feeling too much all at once whenever they were together. It made him stir when he tried to sleep.

Now he couldn’t stop thinking about sneaking out and waking Ezra up before sunrise. None of the other orphans ever heard him when he crept outside through a window; he was stealthier than he used to be. That, or maybe they just didn’t care enough to stop him.

He crawled out of bed and stripped down to his underpants, opening the closet that contained only about two or three shirts. As he plucked the blue one from its hanger, his door unexpectedly flew open and startled him into a flinch. ”Yo, Eza!” Oh no, oh no. It was Ezra, and he was practically naked.

He uttered a pathetic peep and dove behind his bed. ”Ezra!" he spoke in a harsh whisper. ”You’re supposed to knock!” He pushed his forehead against the cushion of the mattress, letting it sink beneath the weight of his embarrassment.

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Last Edit: Aug 30, 2014 20:31:10 GMT -5 by Python

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king and lionheart {ezrabel} Aug 31, 2014 10:09:52 GMT -5

Post by [nyte] on Aug 31, 2014 10:09:52 GMT -5

E Z R A

My cheeks flush a deep red, heart pounding as it had the first few weeks of living with Ezabel. It'd been so hard to control my feelings for the boy then, every move he made only making my feelings deepen. I felt so much older, so much wiser, from that time, although they might as well have been only yesterday. Every facade, every wall, I'd managed to build crumbles the moment I walk into that room. As fast as he tries to move, my body still freezes, eyes stuck on my fleeing friend. Oops. My mind has become something barren, words failing me as I simply stood in the doorway to my best friend's room.

"Ezra! You're supposed to knock!" Right. I'd almost forgotten we weren't housemates any longer, that the bond we'd shared as children, and in that tent, had all but broken. Hurriedly shutting the door behind me, ~~I can only imagine one of Ezabel's housemate's walking in on us in such a position,~~ I run a hand through tangled hair. Should I approach him? Should I just leave? My stomach lurched, nervousness creeping down my neck like icy tendrils. Shit. Shit. Shit.

"S-sorry." was all I could manage, eyes still fixed on the bed where Ezabel was concealed. He was the most stunning thing I'd ever seen, always had been and always would be. I'd be a rotten liar if I said a part of me wasn't disappointed he'd hidden. Cautiously, I approach the bed taking a seat on the very edge. The situation only seemed to grow worse each passing second. I had no clue what to do with myself, what to say or where to be. My hands shifted awkwardly in my lap, having no real purpose or direction to act upon. "Look, man, we grew up together I mean-" What in the fuck did I mean? "It-it's alright just, please come out."

I sure as hell didn't climb through a fucking window to talk to a bedpost, not that I voiced such outloud. Everyone in my shift knew about Ezabel. About the boy I'd been reunited with and how much I cared for him. Perhaps they'd tired of hearing stories of our antics, of the hijinks we'd pulled so many years ago, but I didn't care. Even thinking about him brought so much joy I couldn't seem to stop. Everything I did was for him, and in extension for myself. If he was happy, so was I, and so caring for him was the only way to care for myself. When things became this way, I'll never be able to tell you. He's been my idol ever since we both came to live under the same roof. I remember how awestruck I was upon seeing how kind a person really could be.

My fingers trace nervous patterns upon the comforter, eyes decidedly facing downwards. The Sycamore household was nice, I'll admit. Better than the shithole I was living in, and definitely better than the streets. As much as I wanted to steal him away, take him back to my home and never let him leave me again, this place was good for him. He went to bed with a full belly and a warm blanket. The thought of him curled up under a blanket with a smile on his face is enough to bring a blush to my cheeks once again. It wasn't the kind that burned my face, I didn't feel guilt that such a thought had brought it there, but it coaxed a smile onto my lips. The warmth was nice, for once, because I knew he couldn't see it.

Even if my feelings for him were no secret, it didn't stop me from feeling ashamed every time they made their way into the public. Perhaps because it only gave me false hope, that one day something would have changed. That Ezabel would have magically fallen as hard for me as I had for him, as far fetched as that was. Things like that only happened in the fairy tales, I remind myself, continuing to trace invisible hearts with my finger.

I really was a hopeless romantic, always chasing a happy ending. Maybe this was as close as I'd ever come... both of us safe and warm at night, able to spend as much time together possible. Those stolen moments, when our hands brushed together by chance, or I when embraced him for a quick second as we said our goodbyes, was enough to keep me happy. As long as we were together.

Ripred, I'm such an idiot.

{tonight will be the night
that i will fall for you
o v e r a g a i n;

Last Edit: Aug 31, 2014 10:11:30 GMT -5 by [nyte]

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king and lionheart {ezrabel} Sept 6, 2014 0:29:46 GMT -5

Post by Python on Sept 6, 2014 0:29:46 GMT -5

E Z A B E L S Y C A M O R E

Ezra’s stammered apology was a strong enough hint; Ezabel was overreacting, hiding like a coward when it was hardly appropriate. When had he become so pathetic? It was just a body, right? They were best friends, they should be able to see each other naked without batting an eyelash. Ezabel groaned inwardly and propped himself against the mattress, head tilted back and eyes trained on the barren ceiling. He could feel the mattress sink with Ezra’s added weight, and it made him squirm uncomfortably. Don’t get flustered. He fidgeted and exhaled through his nostrils. He needed to stop being a wimp about this. Best friends, remember? Whether his feelings reached high beyond that level or not, he had to act normal. He had to pull himself together. Act natural, like you always do.

Except he usually wasn’t half-naked.

”Look, man, we grew up together I mean-“ Crap. He was so obvious that Ezra even noticed how strange he was acting. It-it's alright just, please come out." He was making his best friend feel awkward. Ezabel twiddled his thumbs and sighed. Time to suck it up.

”Sorry, I’ll come out,” he muttered, sneaking out from behind his post. Without glancing at his best friend he rushed over to his closet and retrieved the blue shirt from the floor. ”I just panicked, that’s all,” he added, and he felt stupid for the unnecessary blabbering, but it wasn’t a lie. He really had panicked, he just refused to specify the reasoning behind it.

A draft in the room made him shiver. He tried to slip on his shirt as quickly as possible without appearing suspicious, then moved to his drawer of pants and pulled out one of his new pairs of jeans. Even with his back turned to Ezra he felt like he was under the watchful gaze of an owl in the night – not that Ezra was a predator or anything, he just felt vulnerable. He had been feeling vulnerable and self-conscious ever since he made his self-discovery. Ezra once harbored similar feelings toward him in the past, but what if things had changed since then? What if he had moved on, or his emotions had vanished? If Ezabel confessed now, it might be too late, and that would just make their friendship awkward. He couldn’t risk ruining something as precious as this.

His nerves settled like dust on a window sill the moment he finished dressing himself. With a feigned smile of easiness he turned to Ezra and sat on the edge of the mattress beside him, keeping a safe distance between them despite the temptation to scoot closer as a subtle hint of ’I like you Ezra and I want to be closer to you.’ He had considered dropping little hints like that just to send a message across, but would Ezra even notice? He could be pretty thick in the skull. Or maybe he would just pretend not to notice and avoid rejecting his miserable, lovesick best friend. How pitiful.

Regardless, he decided to scoot closer. It was neither graceful nor discreet, but he didn’t care. ”So, how are you? How is Salmon?” He asked, looking at Ezra with owlish eyes as he purposely pressed their shoulders and thighs together, allowing almost no space between their bodies. It felt a lot warmer sitting like this, and it wasn’t just because of the shared body heat. He could feel his own blood racing to the back of his neck and the tips of his ears, urging sweat to bead across the surface of his skin. There were plenty of other places to sit, obviously; near the pillows, on the floor, in the empty spaces beside him. He could even stand if he wanted to, but he was feeling brave. He wanted Ezra to notice his desire for proximity. He wanted him to at least acknowledge it somehow, but without crushing Ezabel's delicate heart in the process.

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Last Edit: Sept 6, 2014 0:31:30 GMT -5 by Python

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king and lionheart {ezrabel} Sept 6, 2014 11:08:08 GMT -5

Post by [nyte] on Sept 6, 2014 11:08:08 GMT -5

E Z R A

A sigh of relief escapes me when Ezabel comes out of hiding. The tantalizing rustle of clothing tugs at my eyes, begging them to look upward, just for a second. Just to catch a glimpse of my best friend before clothes concealed him. It takes all I can to keep my eyes fixated upon the comforter, hands clenched tightly within my lap. Fuck. Despite my best efforts, for only a split second, my eyes find him, guilt tugging at my heartstring all the while. As soon as they'd found him, they returned to my lap fists clenched so tightly my nails dug into sweaty palms. I'm sorry Ezabel.

He sits on the mattress beside me, some distance between us, but closer than we'd been in a long while. The smile that spreads across my lips nearly hurts, wide as it has become. My mouth opens slightly words better left unsaid dancing on the tip of my tongue. Threatening to break free if my guard was let down for only a second. Ezabel, you look wonderful. It was true. I really care about you. In more ways than that boy could imagine. But they meant nothing to him 'cause he didn't feel the same.

The room seems to heat up the closer Ezabel moves. I can feel sweat beading around my collar and my mind is a haze of feelings I can't quite discern. Damn him. The boy was always so affectionate, even as children we'd slept close together. We'd held hands and embraced in the way only an innocent child could. It wasn't the same now, it couldn't be. Not when I felt this way and he looked like that. He somehow managed to take my breath away every time I looked at him.

I don't think we'd been this close since I'd kissed him all that time ago. I didn't doubt that if I shifted ever so slightly, Ezabel would be on my lap had he come any closer. Damn him. Thinking and speaking seemed to have halted, words failing me as I looked at him. "E-" The stammer was lost within my own throat, coming out as little more than a murmur. Fuck. It was all I could think.

"So how are you? How is Salmon?" Thank Ripred Ezabel broke the silence. Pale blue eyes doing little to calm my thumping chest.

"Oh y'know-" I manage, hand rubbing against my burning neck. "We're alright. Miss you a shit ton." My smile falters for only a second, hoping the weight of my words weren't revealed by my tone. It's not the same without you. "Hey Eza is it alright..." My voice fades for only a second. "Do you think I could..." Fuck it. Fuck this. My arms wrap around him, pulling Ezabel closer to me than he already was. He was warm and familiar, my arms fit around him perfectly. Fuck. "We- I missed you so much." My words are muffled by his shirt, head resting gently against his shoulder.

Just friends.

I pull away, eyes focused upon my lap once more. There was nothing to be ashamed of, I remind myself, best friends were allowed to hug one another. No, it was not my actions that kept me from meeting Ezabel's eye, but the intense burning crawling up my neck and onto my cheeks. The obviousness of my feelings for him written in bright red letters across my face. Damn him. For being so perfect. For making me feel this way.

"And yeah." I finish lamely, having nothing else to say.

{that i will fall for you
o v e r a g a i n;

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king and lionheart {ezrabel} Sept 6, 2014 19:29:36 GMT -5

Post by Python on Sept 6, 2014 19:29:36 GMT -5

E Z A B E L S Y C A M O R E

”We’re alright. Miss you a shit ton.”

Ezabel’s smiled faded. Alright didn’t cut it. He wanted to hear how great Ezra’s life of independence was. Did he have friends at work? How many good days did he have? What kind of delicious meals was he buying? How comfortable was the insulation in his apartment compared to their petty tent outside? He wanted to know every detail, but alright told him that things were not as okay as he hoped they would be. It seemed like no matter what happened, they were always struggling. He knew Ezra was probably lonelier in his new home – heck, Ezabel was lonely too. This houseful of strangers was exactly what he had expected; just strangers, none of whom really cared about him. Some of whom seemed to spite him for staying in their dead sister’s room. I didn’t choose the room, or the life. Not really. He only said yes to appease his best friend. Not because he trusted or liked any of these people, although Lilith was very sweet.

Sweet and broken, just like the rest of them. He could relate.

”Hey Eza is it alright...” He trailed off, but Ezabel glanced up at him hopefully. He was asking something of him, what was it? To stay over, to go outside with him? He would yes to anything, anything but staying cooped up in this room all day. Trying to socialize with the strangers was awkward, especially when he didn’t want them to discover that he was illiterate. They’ll think I’m stupid.

A pair of arms snaked around him and tugged him gently into a sideways embrace. He felt his chest heat up at the close contact, but was eager to wrap his own arms around Ezra’s form. He could hear his mumbles perfectly, voice muffled by the crook of his shoulder. He wanted badly to rest his head on Ezra’s, but found that his bravery was losing potency. ”I miss you too,” he said, yet it was so much more than that. He didn’t just miss him – he wanted to spend every waking moment with him, yet he was confined to this eerie bedroom instead. He wanted to sneak out more often and pay Ezra more visits. He wanted to rest in his arms like he was right now until he fell asleep.

He wanted too much.

Ezra inevitably separated from him, and he had no choice but to withdraw his arms to avoid making it awkward. ”Hey Ezra,” he piped up, fiddling with the pockets of his new pants. There was nothing wrong with them. ”Could I, um..” He tried not to sound so small and weak like a cowering mouse, and started to tap the fabric of his pants to distract himself from his jittery nerves. Calming breaths, Ezabel, it was only one simple question. ”Could I sleep over at your apartment tonight?” He finally said, diverting his timid gaze back to his best friend’s darker one. ”I can sneak out once everyone here goes to sleep. They won’t really notice if I leave, promise.” He sounded desperate, he realized. Like he was begging rather than asking.

I don’t care, just say yes.

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Last Edit: Sept 6, 2014 19:30:09 GMT -5 by Python

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king and lionheart {ezrabel} Sept 7, 2014 18:57:29 GMT -5

Post by [nyte] on Sept 7, 2014 18:57:29 GMT -5

E Z R A

He was so close to me. My heart was in my throat, my mind a haze; caught in between desperation to get closer and the urge to move away. Not knowing what to do with my hands, ~~but knowing full well what I wanted to do with them,~~ they settled upon my lap, uncomfortably close to Ezabel's leg. Shit. I can't stand to look at him, knowing that those bright blue eyes would be staring back. All I needed to do was put my arms around him, pull him just a little closer and I'd be holding him. Would it really be that hard to do so?

”Hey Ezra, could I sleep over at your apartment tonight?" I seemed to forget how to breathe. A once racing heart halted dead in its tracks, falling to the floor in an instant. Ezabel in my apartment. It felt like it'd been so long since we'd even shared a room, let alone a bed. Fuck. Yet a smile still crawls across my lips, butterflies stirring deep within my gut. I throw my arms around him once more, with such force that it brings the both of us crashing down onto the bed. Surely there is nothing odd about this, we'd be doing the same when night fell. Just as friends. That's all we are.

"Do you even have to ask?" I can barely contain the childish joy bubbling in every word I speak. For a moment, I don't care what our status was. Whether we were best friends, acquaintances, hell even strangers, it wouldn't stop me. I just wanted to be close to him. To close whatever distance lie between us and never let go. What this- what we were didn't matter. Just like all those years before our separation, when waking up next to him was as natural as breathing. "You're always welcome Ezabel." There's a conviction in my voice I haven't heard in a long while. "No questions asked. Alright? No matter the time." I meant every word, that boy could show up on my doorstep at 3 a.m. and I'd welcome him into my bed without a second thought.

Attempting to pull my gaze away from Ezabel was futile. His eyes were hypnotic, everything about him was. Right down to the stray hair on his cheek. Teeth digging into my lip, I gently pull it away, breath quickening as my fingers brush against his face. I hadn't noticed just how close I'd drifted towards the boy, arm still draped over his shoulder as it had been when I tackled him into this position. I was mere centimeters away from his lips, and as easy as it'd be to close that distance, I remembered all too well the humiliation that'd followed the last advance.

Instead, I collapse upon him, confidence returning to me the longer I kept my eyes away from Ezabel. That isn't what he wants. I repeat the phrase in an empty mind, forcing a few laughs all the while. "Just like old times right?" This much was true. I'd always rough housed with the boy, pinning him to the ground and subjecting him to gentle attacks and teases. Admittedly times like that were far in the past, before I'd abandoned him and long before I'd developed feelings. When things weren't so complicated. I prop my head upon my hands, watching Ezabel from a much safer distance.

Though somehow I doubt I'll keep away for long.

{that i will fall for you
o v e r a g a i n;

Last Edit: Sept 7, 2014 18:59:03 GMT -5 by [nyte]

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king and lionheart {ezrabel} Sept 8, 2014 0:41:10 GMT -5

Post by Python on Sept 8, 2014 0:41:10 GMT -5

E Z A B E L S Y C A M O R E

The smile was enough of an answer, and relief filled his every pore. ”Do you even have to ask?” he said, after practically knocking him into his own mattress with the force of the warmest embrace possible. He felt his muscles tense up because of how sudden it was and how nervous it made him, but he compensated for the response with a light-hearted laugh. If they had been children, a tackle like this would mean that Ezabel was about to be either wrestled or tickled. The thought of doing either of those things right now made him blush. Such intimidate contact like that with Ezra held an entirely different meaning now that his true feelings were defined and apparent.

”You’re always welcome, Ezabel,” he said, and it made his chest tingle. He would make daily visits if he could. The Sycamores didn’t know about Ezra or his little escapades involving sneaking through windows to be the ghost in Ezabel’s new bedroom. They didn’t know about their devotion to one another. They didn’t know about Ma or the foster home or Ms. Bo. He had mentioned volunteering in District Ten during the drought, but their disinterest had been evident at the time. They only knew that he had been homeless when he appeared drenched at their doorstep, and that he was too timid to accept their considerate offer the moment Lilith mouthed the words to his puzzled face. He wasn’t sure if he wanted them to know anything else about his personal life.

Ezra was achingly close to his – well, everything. If he leaned his head forward just a smidge, he would be able to feel Ezra’s breath against his skin. ”No questions asked. Alright? No matter the time.” Ezabel nodded in understanding, but found that his voice was sealed away by anxiety. Ezra was close enough to kiss him if he wanted. He could pick out every freckle on the boy’s face and trace the zigzagged designs in his dark irises. If there was ever a perfect chance to confess his bottled up feelings with a kiss, now was the time.

Definitely not.

He tried to keep his smile steady when Ezra brushed the hair out of his face. I’m going to have a heart attack. Why was he such a coward? He always asked, but he knew the answer. Rejection; it was like an invisible spirit haunting him. He couldn’t see it, yet he knew it was there. He could imagine what it felt like, and didn’t want to. That was why he sat stock still in a permanent state of hesitation, frozen like a snowman in the winter, although he would probably melt soon enough.

Just when he thought he was going to either kiss Ezra or crawl away due to the unbearable tension and his built-up cluster of feelings, he was pinned playfully to the mattress and faced with the usual confident demeanor of his best friend. There was even a familiar glint in his eyes - mischievous and cocky. Just like old times. He smiled up at him, and then Ezra withdrew and settled himself down at a safer distance. ”Yeah” was what he thought of saying. It wasn’t what he felt.

He sat up with his legs crisscrossed and picked at a stray thread on the bed sheets. ”Not really,” he admitted, almost sadly, but it was the fear that gripped his chest and softened his voice. ”I feel different now…” he swallowed and tried to rip the thread from its seam. It wouldn’t budge. If he could just focus on that one thing, maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. ”..about you.”

He panicked the moment he said it. You can’t take words back. He hadn’t meant to start a confession now, not when Ezra was all smiley and gleeful. He didn’t want to ruin the mood. ”I-I don’t want to ruin our friendship!” He quickly added, but without an explanation it just sounded stupid. ”I mean..”

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king and lionheart {ezrabel} Sept 8, 2014 18:16:12 GMT -5

Post by [nyte] on Sept 8, 2014 18:16:12 GMT -5

E Z R A

Ezabel’s words do not register right away. My eyes stare into his, smile left on vacant lips as I await the laughter. For him to reveal it was all some sort of jest. Really had you going Ezra! There was no other option, no way that my best friend felt this way. Lips parting halfway, I attempt to speak. Maybe to chew him out for joking around, or to yell at him for leading me on. Fuck. “Ezabel I-“ My throat constricts, causing a high pitched crack to mar my words.

“I-I don’t want to ruin our friendship! I mean…”

I knew what he meant. The vulnerability in his tone made me want to draw him close, tell him he didn’t have to worry because I knew. However it seems mobility has left me in this moment, my fingers were numb and my joints stiff. Part of me still didn't believe him, wished that what he was saying wasn’t true. I've never cared about someone as much as I've cared for Eza. All my life he’s been my best friend and I’ve spent a year now wishing he was more. Was I really ready for that? It was easy to daydream when it was such an unattainable goal, but now that it was staring me in the face I was scared, terrified of what could happen to us. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship either.

Those blue eyes melted every fear and apprehension. The longer I held his gaze the warmer I became, butterflies stirring within my stomach once again. They churned and flopped and made me more aware of the rapid thrum in my chest. Only Ezabel could make me feel like this, make me feel so alive. He gave me strength when I had none and hope when I was convinced such a thing didn’t exist. That was answer enough as to what I should do.

“Ezabel.” I do not intend to say any more, doubt I could have if I wanted. The words were a warning, to give him time to stop me. It was something I hadn’t done the last time, and I’ve regretted it ever since. Shifting into an upright position, I straighten the shirt that suddenly feels three sizes too tight, fix the hair that had flown askew when I’d tackled him only moments before. I don't know what I am doing, I don't even know how to do this.

One arm snakes around his waist, pulling him as close to me as I dared. My breath was shallow, bravery seeming to have abandoned me. The last time I’d done this I’d nearly ruined our relationship. Made my affection for him- and his lack of affection for me- obvious. Had things truly changed? Was I wrong? How could a boy like him have feelings for someone like me? A kid who’d spent most of his life running ‘cause he was scared they’d run first. He doesn’t want me.

I close the distance between us. Slow and hesitant, afraid he’d push me away or kick me out or something worse. The last thing I wanted to do was make Eza uncomfortable. I’d give the world just to see him smile. I try to tell him that through my kiss, ‘cause I’ve always been shit with words. I couldn’t talk like him, all smooth and sweet. They halted in my throat, came out jumbled and laced with profanity I hadn’t intended to put there.

When I pull away, I can’t bear to meet his eyes. I’m too afraid to see what lies within them. Anger? Shock? Disappointment? Had I fucked up just like all those months ago? For a boy who’d spent his whole life building walls, they sure came crashing down real quick.

{that i will fall for you
o v e r a g a i n;

Last Edit: Sept 8, 2014 18:21:22 GMT -5 by [nyte]

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king and lionheart {ezrabel} Sept 8, 2014 23:50:17 GMT -5

Post by Python on Sept 8, 2014 23:50:17 GMT -5

E Z A B E L S Y C A M O R E

He ended up trailing off and biting the inside of his cheek. I messed up, I said too much. He had buried himself in a hole with no way of crawling back out. He couldn’t bear to even look at Ezra, let alone try and fix his mistake with excuses. The thread still pinched between his two fingers finally snapped from its connection with the seams, and it reminded him of ripping off a bandage. Originally when he had imagined confessing to his best friend (and believing that one day he would despite his cowardice), he figured he would do it slowly but surely; peel off the bandage bit by bit. It was a drawn-out, painful process, but at least he could control it. But now he had torn it off in a single stroke, leaving in its wake an overwhelming amount of suffering. How badly would he end up regretting this?

Ezra still hadn’t moved. The strangled crack in his voice made Ezabel wince internally; was that pain he heard? Did he pity Ezabel for an unrequited crush? He still didn’t know whether Ezra’s feelings remained the same or not. A lot of time had passed since then, and people changed like the seasons. They were still similar in some respects, like Ezra and his profanity and stubbornness. His temper, too. Traits that shouldn’t be so endearing to him. And what am I? Sad, desperate, and maybe too late to return these feelings. Why couldn’t he have fallen for Ezra way back then? Every time he looked back at that moment he remembered his confusion, but he regretted it all now. He wished Ezra could kiss him again. A second chance, that was all he needed.

”Ezabel.”

He finally glanced up. Something about the lowered pitch of his voice and the gravity of his tone sparked his curiosity enough to draw him away from his cowering. Ezra was shifting positions; he adjusted his shirt, smoothed his fluffy hair and took his sweet time in doing whatever this was. Ezabel had no idea what to expect, but there was nothing in Ezra’s expression warning him of anger or disappointment or disgust. It wasn’t until he scooted closer that he had a clue about what could possibly follow. Part of him thought impossible, and the rest demanded that he remain glued to this very spot in anticipation lest he try to ruin it by shying away from something that he wanted (but also something new and intimidating).

When the arm wrapped around his waist, he didn’t dare twitch a muscle. The sharpness in his own breaths made him feel deflated, but the rapid beating of his heart made him feel alive and giddy. Ezra was closing in at an achingly slow pace, offering him a way out if he wanted one. No, heck no, he didn’t want to back out, although the panic was starting to bundle up and twist the knots in his abdomen even further.

Ezra’s lips were soft, he noted. Soft and warm, and they fit pretty well against his own. He closed his eyes and yielded to it, trying not to think about his uneven breathing and how incredibly happy he was that this was happening. It ended before he wanted it to, and he blinked questioningly at his best friend. Ezra avoided his gaze. He looked – worried? Scared? Everything he had been feeling just a few seconds ago.

He couldn’t allow that.

He leaned in and kissed him again, aiming to make this one last longer, but succumbed to his emotions and smiled awkwardly against Ezra’s lips until he pulled away again. ”You can stop worrying now,” he said in a breathy chuckle.

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king and lionheart {ezrabel} Sept 11, 2014 23:48:58 GMT -5

Post by [nyte] on Sept 11, 2014 23:48:58 GMT -5

E Z R A

The world melted when he kissed me. Both of my hands now rested on his waist, and I reveled in just how right it felt. And when he smiled, I did too. He's perfect... It's all I can think as I sit, stunned into silence. ”You can stop worrying now,” I bite my lip, gently grinding my teeth against the soft flesh. Nonetheless a smile manages to break through my embarrassment, the butterflies in my stomach only growing stronger each passing moment.

"Finally." was all I could manage, a breathy laugh following the statement. Relief, utter relief, was all I could feel. Aside from the yearning to once again kiss my best friend - or whatever we were now. The labels seemed insignificant in this moment. I'd spent so long wishing that I could call him more than a friend, call him my boyfriend, but now that the opportunity had arisen, I could care less what this was.

I rest my forehead against his, kissing his cheek gently. He was warm and sweet, fitting perfectly within my arms. How long I'd waited for this moment mattered little, the heartache and struggle that had led up to this meant nothing. I was with Ezabel and he was with me. Not even Ripred himself could pull us apart. And so I kiss him again, intending to make this last more than the few seconds the others had. I'd never kissed anyone before Ezabel, and I wonder vaguely if he had. I knew nothing of the time that I'd been away. Other than that he’d been living on the streets, of course. He was an attractive boy - more than that - but it hurts to think of him with another.

So I pull him closer, I could feel his breath against my lips. If I were to have put my hand against his chest, would it be beating as quickly as mine? Was the anticipation killing him as it was killing me? My lips meet his again, more confident this time. This wasn’t to tell him my feelings, ~~I hoped those were abundantly clear~~ or to portray something I’d been unable to say. I just wanted to feel him close to me, be connected with him in a way I’d never thought possible.

Everything about Ezabel is sweet. His lips, the way they felt against mine, his laugh, his smile… My hand makes its way to his neck, cupping the back of it gently; so as to lock him into our embrace as long as possible. I like you Ezabel, I like you a lot

The realization that he’ll be staying the night hits me like a pile of bricks. I pull away, breath coming in short gasps, partly from our kiss and partly from the panic slowly setting in. What was I to do in the same bed as Ezabel after something like this? Would he not want to sleep over anymore? ~~Ripred I hope not.~~ Perhaps I should sleep on the floor or the couch, whatever I could to ensure Ezabel was comfortable.

The last thing I want to do was ruin this.

I rest my head in the crook of his neck, arms locked around his waist. ”Do you still want to come over?” I murmur into his shirt.

{it's too cold for you here
so let me hold both your hands;

Last Edit: Sept 11, 2014 23:53:14 GMT -5 by [nyte]

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king and lionheart {ezrabel} Oct 6, 2014 20:15:26 GMT -5

Post by Python on Oct 6, 2014 20:15:26 GMT -5

E Z A B E L S Y C A M O R E

Watching the embarrassment melt from Ezra’s face was one of the prettiest pictures he had ever seen. Their smiles were mirrored, and Ezabel couldn’t help but laugh with him when all he managed to say was ”Finally.” I know, he wanted to reply, but how could he? Ezra had been waiting ages for this, much longer than it had taken Ezabel to realize his own festering feelings This probably means a lot more to him than it does to me. It gave a whole new meaning to his smile. His joy was as sincere as ever, like a garden blossoming in spring. If he could imagine emotions as colors and objects that’s how he would describe the feelings behind Ezra’s smile; miles of gardens and trees, with Ezabel’s own butterflies roaming about once they escaped his stomach.

Ezra pressed their foreheads together and planted a kiss on his cheek. The gesture was so tender it made the room feel ten degrees warmer. He could practically feel the heat rushing to the centers of his cheeks. Somehow he didn’t think he had enough blood to keep his heart pounding so loudly whilst it burned his cheeks two shades darker. He didn’t think there would be enough to spare once Ezra kissed him again, and perhaps that was why he felt dizzy all of the sudden. I’ve never done anything like this before. His best friend’s – his boyfriend’s? What was the label for this? – movements were so confident. He pulled Ezabel closer and kissed him like he had always imagined he would. A hand found its way to the back of his neck, and Ezabel pressed himself even further forward. He wasn’t quite sure where to put his hands, but he knew Ezra would forgive him for that.

His body was finally cooling off by the time Ezra pulled away, but this didn’t stop him from lingering in hopes of the lips returning. Instead, warmth pressed against his shoulder and arms wrapped themselves around his waist. With all of the body heat he was radiating, Ezra might as well have been a second sun. ”Do you still want to come over?”

What a silly question.

”Of course I do.” More than ever. He returned Ezra’s embrace and stroked the small of his back. If he could cancel his union with the Sycamores, he would. Their hatred for him was like a winter’s frost seeping through his – no, Laila’s – bedroom walls. It chilled him to the bone. Ezra was the opposite, he was summer and he had everything to offer. I don’t need family, I just need Ezra. But he knew bringing up the subject would ruin their moment. Ezra had wanted this for him, and despite his beauty he was stubborn as a mule. There was no way Ezabel could take his old life back. He would just have to use everything in his power to extend his visits and make their encounters more frequent.

”Why wouldn’t I?”

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