Lost (Brody)

Brody was exhausted.

He had barely slept that weekend, running interference left and right to keep Matthew's secret from being discovered; Eiten Ruze was laying somewhere in the depths of the Detention Center, effectively silenced. Brody hadn't killed him, but according to the night watch he cowered in the back of his cell whenever anyone resembling him walked by. They had given a newbie the task of looking into Matthew's alleged trespassing on the Ruze property, but even if the claim gained any ground, at worst Matthew would get a slap on the wrist. Brody had been adamant about taking Matthew's statement on the assault charge, insisting that being the recruit's instructor, he'd already built a rapport with the recruit and that Matthew trusted him; if he was stupid enough to try and lie to his instructor, he'd be the best qualified to know it. So, his secret was safe for now.

As long as he didn't crack. As long as nobody else found out about this.

He was waiting outside Matthew's barracks room Monday morning, despite knowing that the first bus of the morning still wasn't going to arrive until the sun was up. Normally, he'd be a stickler for punctuality in any case, but he had told Matthew to try and take it easy for the rest of the weekend. The look on his recruit's face when he finally arrived told him everything he needed to know, and sucked the drill-instructor mentality right out of him.

To say Matthew looked like hell would be a gross understatement.

"I'll be ready in 5, sir." He said miserably.

"Training can wait." Brody replied. His words were firm, but he knew his tone and expression were not. "Go shower and get ready, we need to talk."

Dunham wasn't gone very long; Brody had only been in his office for a few minutes when his recruit showed up, reporting himself in.

"Close the door." He nodded at the seat across the desk from him. "Sit."

Right now, Brody wanted nothing more than to sigh and run his hands over his hair and ask Dunham what in the hell he was thinking, being so irresponsible as to knock up his girlfriend while he was in training to become a Peacekeeper. It wasn't exactly a secret that if he signed 20 years of his life away to the military, he wouldn't be allowed to marry or have children. But as Dunham's superior and his instructor, he had to be the anchor for his subordinate to hold onto, and the catalyst that kept this mess running as smoothly as possible. Such was the burden of responsibility in the Peacekeeper Corps, and Brody was almost sorry that it had been so long since he'd been reminded of that fact.

This, however, was much more serious than anything he'd been personally involved in since he'd joined the Peacekeepers himself. The Capitol was more than a fan of disproportionate retribution for crimes committed against it, and a Peacekeeper breaking their oath and their contract was a serious one. To Brody, the solution was obvious; distance Dunham from Kyanite Ruze and the baby, for all of their protection, finish the Academy and never look back.

He didn't expect it to be that simple.

Brody was quiet and contemplative for a moment, pondering over how he should begin a conversation like this when Dunham spoke up.

"May I ask what happened to Mr. Ruze, sir?"

"He's been dealt with." Brody said simply. "Don't worry about him."

Dunham didn't know what Brody had really done to him... even if it might better persuade him to choose the Peacekeepers knowing exactly how well he was protected when he wore the uniform and badge. But, it was a segue he could work with.

"First things first... nobody else knows." He didn't elaborate, knowing Dunham would know what he was referring to. Brody was positive his temporary office wasn't bugged (he'd checked), but there was no such thing as being too careful. "They have some Private looking into the allegation of your trespassing on the Ruze property, but even if they follow it up, worst case scenario you'll get a slap on the wrist. The police are much more concerned with the fact that Ruze assaulted you and Recruit Pryce."

He regarded his recruit for a moment. Even with the shower and clean uniform, it was painfully obvious that he'd drowned his sorrows after Brody had left to deal with the father. Not that he looked much better... in the past 48 hours he could scarcely remember getting any sleep, and though his own pressed and polished appearance hadn't faltered, he knew there were dark lines under his eyes betraying his own state of mind.

"As far as I'm concerned, the safest thing for all of you is for you to continue with the Academy, graduate, and distance yourself as much as you can."

Brody was already prepared to run interference with the Peacekeepers who had been with him during Ruze's arrest; help separate Matthew from the mother and the child, make sure no one ever made the connection and that those who did know would keep their silence. It wouldn't be the first time he'd covered for a comrade, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. All Matthew had to do was agree.

But he didn't. Brody felt something clench hard in his chest as Matthew looked sorrowfully into his lap and said he couldn't do it. It didn't register on his face, but Brody was far too tired to keep it out of his eyes; annoyance that he was giving up so easily, anger that he was prepared to throw away the medicine that would restore his health, and to an extent, hurt that Brody had invested as much time and personal energy into him as he had, only to have it thrown back in his face.

"I know it would be the easiest thing to do but I can't abandon her and the...you know." Matthew paused. "My own mother bailed on me and my family when I was four. I will never forgive her for that and I won't be HER."

He expected about as much... Matthew had mentioned his father on numerous occasions, but never once made mention of his mother. The fact that Brody's own life at home had been so alien to him had practically screamed it.

"Nothing is more important to me right now. Not the academy, a career....or...I know you've taken me under your wing but I can't abandon them."

So you're going to abandon your health, your country and your future instead?

Brody had a lecture on the tip of his tongue, but when Matthew asked if Nolan would ever leave Brody behind, his blood ran cold. Logically, he knew Matthew was trying to make Brody understand the position he was in, try to glean some empathy for something that he couldn't understand not having children himself. Emotionally, though, he wanted to leap over the desk and smash Matthew's head into the wall for the very suggestion that Nolan, his father and best friend and role model, would ever be so callous to do such a thing or be stupid enough to get himself into that kind of position in the first place. He closed his hands, feeling his knuckles crack.

"Matthew." Brody's tone was level, but even he could hear the slight waver in his voice from the rage he was barely concealing to keep from saying or doing something he'd regret... he had to remind himself that Matthew was his friend and hadn't meant anything malicious by his remark. "My father didn't put himself in a position where his presence put other people's lives at stake. And don't you ever bring them into the mess you made, do I make myself absolutely clear?"

It wasn't a well-known fact, but Brody's parents were his greatest weakness; he had no doubt that even if he were to somehow fall on the wrong side of the law and be punished, his mother was far too valuable an asset for her and Nolan to be dragged down with him. But as with all weaknesses, there was always that nagging little 'what if' that came attached to it. If Brody was caught helping Matthew cover up a breach of contract, there was always that 'what if'. What if the Capitol decided to make an example of this case, what if they decided McKenna wasn't too valuable to go after, what if, what if, what if.

What if Nolan had walked out on them? Brody couldn't imagine life without his father. But knowing him like he did, if Nolan were to up and walk out one day to save his son's life, Brody would miss him more painfully and more deeply than he could imagine. But he would understand why he did it, and even he wasn't brash enough to think he could throw away his father's efforts to suit his own needs.

And now Matthew was walking out on Brody. Granted, they had only known each other for a few weeks, but in that short span of time Brody had come to know him as intimately as he knew his best friend. He knew what had happened to Matthew to earn those scars on his chest, knew how strong he could be and what he was afraid of, had seen him many shades of angry, proud, happy and distraught. By the same token, he had let Matthew into his own world by letting him meet his parents, promising to take better care of him than the instructors whose neglect had allowed him to get hurt in the first place, and helped him get past his fear of the water.

It was all for naught. All because of one mistake.

"You do realize," He said finally, breathing deeply to calm his anger and regaining that neutral tone, "That if you drop out, my ability to protect you from the charge and consequences of trespassing will be nearly gone. You'll be denied access to CAPMED, your uniforms will be revoked, and you'll receive none of the privileges or benefits of the government. You'll be stuck with those lungs for the rest of your life."

"It's not like it was intentional. I know we should have been more careful."

Yeah, no shit.

Brody knew this was going to be a tough conversation, but he hadn't expected it to be this much like pulling teeth. And the more he thought about it, the more the idea of Matthew leaving the Peacekeeper Academy pissed him off. He knew his recruit wouldn't be interested in the amount of time and money that went into his training; few people were. But for Brody, in spite of the fact that he'd been ordered to take the assignment, it was a very personal way of being told that he had just wasted weeks of his own time and effort.

Matthew puts his head in his hands, not looking up when he replies.

"I know. I'm ready to do whatever it takes to protect them but I can't give them up. I'm sorry."

He couldn't help himself but roll his eyes. Matthew looked up at him, eyes full of regret; Brody didn't think he could fully fathom exactly how deeply he'd struck by intending to give up this close to the end. He was literally days from graduation, and now he'd decided to call it quits.

"I appreciate everything you've done for me but unless you have somebody you love so much and feel so strongly about that you'd give up your own health and career, I doubt you can understand why I'm going to give this up."

"No, I don't." He replied flatly, "And from that perspective, let me ask you this. What exactly do you plan to do with your life if you leave? With the shape your lungs are in, you wouldn't last a week working a quarry; you have no formal education from the Peacekeepers or a university, and you'll have a record."

Some plan.

"All I need is a way out. I've basically got enough points, there's only one major test left and I would literally have to get 0 points to fail. How do I get out without raising suspicion?"

Truth be told, Brody knew exactly how to cut Matthew fairly cleanly (and convincingly) from the Academy; just tell him to be a little uncompliant about the charge of trespassing and try to use dismissal from the Academy as the punishment. But he had no desire to use it; he'd invested too much in Matthew to let him roll over and leave the program with his tail between his legs.

All this over a girl and a bad decision.

He just had an answer for everything, didn't he.

Brody watched Matthew tiredly, his features stoney and growing harder as that clenching feeling in his chest tightened. So this was it? Weeks of one-on-one training, studying, manipulating the medical staff to keep him in the Academy long enough for him to graduate, even taking Matthew with him on a visit home to make sure he wouldn't get hurt over the long weekend before his final exam.

All of it was going to be for nothing.

He still remembered his own badging ceremony at the end of his time at the Academy, and somehow more than anything, that hurt the most. Brody had figured out early on that Matthew would make a good Peacekeeper; he was strong, he adapted quickly, and he wasn't much given to throwing in the towel even though his injury stacked the odds against him. The badge had arrived just a few days ago. Before Ruze had called the Peacekeepers, before he'd been charged with trespassing, and before Brody had any idea how unbelievably, infuriatingly irresponsible Matthew had been in his free time.

Brody had already thought about what Matthew's badging ceremony would be like. He would stand with his own division, of course, and Brody would be with the instructors assigned to them. But after the President gave his address to the new graduating class and the national anthem played, and the instructors made their way through the formation, he would approach Matthew alone. He would shake Matthew's hand, give him his gleaming new badge, and say,

"Congratulations, Peacekeeper Dunham. I'm proud of you."

And for a moment, regardless of rank or age or all of the training that Brody had pushed him through, he and Matthew would be equals. They would be fellow Peacekeepers. They would be brothers.

That wasn't going to happen.

"Are we done? Sir?"

With a heavy sigh, he pulled the folded leather from his pocket, the metal of the badge still a bright brass and the engraved name 'M. DUNHAM' riveted to the material below it, and placed it on the table. It was over.

"I hate that I disappointed you."

"You have no idea."

Angry and stung, Brody stood up abruptly, striding to the door.

"Go home... you're out of my hands."

And he left.