He loves me? He loves me not? (Kyanite and Matthew)

It's him! After these last few days, I can't believe that I'm hearing his voice. That he's actually calling me? Question still remains is for what reason? There has to be something he's meant to tell me and before I get my hopes up, I need to listen to what he's got to say. However, his voice declaring that it's him and the questions that comes out just sound like heaven, yet just a tease. In my mind, I don't think we'll ever get to see each other again. Maybe, never and I'm unsure of how he's able to call me out of the blue.

"How are you, Kyanite? How is your head and is... how is... you know." So many things to answer, but to go from the top is what he wants to know. How do I explain it though? How do I tell him how much I'm scared? How much I need him without making him feel bad if this isn't his choice?

"I'm holding up. That's about it. Little Sprout is tougher than I am, took the fall with style and grace. Never phased 'em. It's a real good thing. Sad to say that Sprouts doing better than me at the moment." I keep my voice at a low now just because I want to hear him talk and revel in his voice. I take to the wall with my back and the phone pressed to my ear so hard so I don't miss a single word from him.

Only moments after that, I get the way he's able to be calling me. So, you can't talk to me. You can't have contact with me. This is it? Right? You and me are never to see each other again... I shake my head at his words and rest myself on the ground in the living room floor. The quiet walls that echo my words. The place where I've lived my entire life and the place where all of this started. My mind plays tricks with me by putting those last few minutes in my mind before I blacked out. Just right after my father hit Matthew.

"I'm not sure if I am or not. I want to stay strong... but I know you can't be here. Did Vy give you the photo of the baby? Did Vy tell you anything?" I let a small hiccup out, trying to hold myself together. "Eight weeks along, Matthew. Sprout is doing great. Growing well. Don't know if its a girl or boy yet. It's too early to tell. The heartbeat was so fast... so precious. I don't know whats going to happen between us but will you still call me? Find some way around it? I still need some part of you around even if you can't be here." I'm practically begging him to do something that I don't think will be even possible. I'm asking way to much of him.

"I still love you, Matthew. That will never change, you know that right? I miss you so much."

"You are strong, stronger than you give yourself credit for." His words ring true in my head. For some reason, I want to go against what he says and verbalize it, but that's the last thing I want is to have any sort of arguement with him. I only want to hear his voice. I hug the phone tightly to my ear as if to keep him closer to me and without losing him entirely. So, I simply say, "yeah." Though, a moment later, he declares that Vy never gave him the picture of our baby. My mouth drops open in shock because I didn't think that Vy would be the one to hold something like that from him. It's been days. Surely, she would have given it to him the first day that she saw him. Why would she forget to give him something so... precious to me? To him?

"Yes. She's got the picture of our baby. I told her to give it to you. Why hasn't she? Did what happen keep you two apart.. or did she just forget?" I can feel myself getting worked up again, becasue the only thing to keep me and Matthew connected is this tiny baby that's growing and he's yet to see it. I don't like where this is going, but the more important of information is to come. How far along I am. Little details that I remember about hearing the heartbeat. All of it comes out in one clean sweep of words, but the declaritive truth comes out in a question and answer. Desperate pleas are all my words come out with.

"Of course I will call you, baby. You really think I will choose the academy over you and our baby?" I know he can't see me shake my head 'no' but I can't get myself to say it out outloud. I stay silent for a long moment.

"It's not your choice anymore, Matthew... I know that. I know what they are doing. I know they will try to keep you away. It's what I was afraid of from the beginning...." I try to tell him that I understand what's going on.

Something changes in Matthew's ton when I tell him that I will still love him no matter what. That I'll miss him. What comes next throws me for a loop. I keep my back against the wall of the living room. My eyes trained on the couch and the quiet place. His words that are being expressed seem to squeeze my heart. My pulse quickens and I lay my head on my drawn up knees. There's a certain fear that comes now when he tells me that O'Rourke knows about the baby. That he knows about our situation. That makes it even more dire because, that O'Rourke is a real keeper. He can dish out any sort of punishment now. What if he decides to come after me and the baby for what we did? What if he outs Matthew from all of this?

"I want to be together with you so badly, I can't stand it. Is it safe though? O'Rourke knows about us... won't he tell? Won't he try to keep you away... that's what happened that day, wasn't it? He kept you from coming to the hospital?" I lay my head back on the wall, with my eyes now trained on the ceiling. "How can you come home? How are you going to be able to get out of it, if you can?"

I keep my mind busy with different little things as I wait for him answer. Though, I don't wany our phone call to end with something so harsh to keep on our minds. Something that I have been thinking about comes out with a smile from my lips. "If it's a boy... or a girl... what are your favorite names? What names do we think about?"

`"I think he somehow convinced your dad not to tell anybody." That tiny bit of information doesn't seem right. My father hates Matthew and I'm sure after what happened, that he would definately say something. He would say anyhting to get back at the guy who not only entered his property - even if I invited him over- but insulted him by showing him that our love is bigger than whatever he has ever said to us. We have a baby now. There is nothing he can do about it, but for him to suddenly keep quiet, is a little disturbing.

"My father doesn't stay silent for long. Are you sure that he's not going to say anything? What happened to my father?" I question, but the topic change just like that. He explains that O'Rourke wanted him to forget about me and the baby. I'm speechless now. All I do is listen, but Matthew is showing me that he's different than any other guy that I've ever come in contact with. He don't want to forget me and our baby. I hear how he tries to speak out loud about ways to get out of it. How he can mess up with literally a point from graduating. It'll be hard without raising suspicion and I know that. It's going to be hard to just give up the entire peacekeeper thing that he wanted so bad. Why am I so selfish?

Like always, I have to remind myself to keep my emotions together by placing a hand on my stomach. Right above my bellybutton and let my fingertips move slowly against my skin, sending these chills down my spine.

"Just don't get hurt." I mutter when he mentions getting shot in the foot. Then nothing but silence runs between us. Absolute silence as if we're trying to think about a way through this. How he can drop out of the peacekeepers without it being so obvious. I'm at a loss because I don't know about their rules and regulations. I don't know how they operate and think. The next thing that comes out of my mouth is something that we can try to avoid the major topic that leaves us baffled.

"Hmmm... you sound like you already know it's a girl. Is it a girl, Ky?"

A grin and a light giggles comes to meet with his ears on the receiving end of the phone. "I'm not sure. Worst case scenario for you?" I tease him when he gives me some girl names. The first one is cute while the second one I just have to raise my eyebrows to.

"Me? Umm... if its a girl, I think the name Kaylee would be cute. For a boy... I think we need to come up with a strong name. Something that matches his father's personality. My mom named me after the precious stone." I tell him and wonder what names could describe our little sprout?

"I've bought a few baby things. I found some of my own baby things in the attic yesterday. My own baby blanket that my mother had made for me when I was born. I guess my dad didn't see fit to get rid of things that belonged to his kids after she... left us." It's hard to express that my mother won't be here for my first child. Though, I want to do something to honor her memory as well. Wrapping my own tiny baby in a blanket made by her, seems to be fitting enough. "But, right now, I don't feel anything... not that I would really know what it'll really feel like? You know? I've got another doctor appointment next week to just kinda check up on everything after the other day. I might get to hear the heartbeat again. I hope so!"

"At least the baby keeps you company." I look to my stomach where my fingers are still tracing tiny circles. I nod as if he can see me, but vocalize it as well.

"Yeah. I keep Sprout occupied with stories, little songs. It's too quiet if I don't." I tell him. Though the subject suddenly chances to what's going to happen to me with my father in the detention center. Since, I'm home alone and everything right now. If it wasn't for Jeran, I wouldn't be here right now.

"Jeran... has taken over my guardianship until I turn eighteen. He told me that O'Rourke told him that he had that option to become my legal guardian or I would have ended up... somewhere else. Somewhere, I don't even want to think about. I know my dad probably won't be back. So, Jeran's got control of the house and everything for the time being. It works out. Considering that I'm family, I get the benefits for my health and stuff. Sprout is going to be well taken care of." I hope that Matthew won't feel bad for anything happening. This is the safest way to take care of things.

"Matthew... I want to see you. Do you think, we can try to meet up at one point? Somewhere in town? In private? Or is it too dangerous?" I know what I'm asking is dangerous and it might jeapordize him and I, together, but what if we don't get to see each other again? What if this will be the last time we ever see each other again? What if he can't get out of the academy? Surely, he isn't being monitored or watched considering only one person knows about it? "If you don't think it's safe we can wait."