water and the loneliness of thought ( dreams+cea )

I never like days where there's time to think.

Because, once you start thinking, you're never able to stop. It's days, days like this, where you start to realize things that you've been avoiding for as long as you could.

It's these days where you realize, for example, how much life sucks.

But I guess that's fair, right? Life sucks for everyone. It just depends on how well the person deals with it. And I, for one, am not going to let it snap at my heels until I finish the race.

I give Auntie Arielle a peck on the cheek while she's in bed. A small smile rolls across her lips and she whispers to me, "Stay safe, Rin. And come back by noon, I don't want you skipping lunch again." And, of course, she'd probably add, "Don't cause trouble." But, her breathing has already returned to slow and even. She's fallen back to sleep.

To be honest, I don't have any plans today. My surfboard is tucked under my arm, but I'm not sure if I'm even surfing today. I had slipped leggings and a sweater over my suit, but it feels warm, and I'm not sure I want to take it off. Or get wet, for that matter.

My house is about a ten minute walk from the shore. I send darting glances in ever direction. Not that I expect much to be happening, or for many people to be up and out. It's only been a few minutes since the crack of dawn. Everything is eerily quiet and vacant as I pass.  

When I get to the shoreline, I slip off my shoes and socks. The sand is soft under my feet, fine enough to sink between my toes. The sky that stretches out above me is light and pale, like someone decided to smear blue and pink pastels over the stars. The sun has barely lifted off from the horizon. There are small wisps of clouds that are like ghosts, there, but only there if you look hard enough.

And, for the first time in an extremely long time, I tell myself that it's a beautiful day. Sucky, nonetheless, but beautiful. A good day to steal something, but for some reason, the morality compass Aunt Arielle has been trying to instill since she's received me has been taken up a few notches. I have days like these. Days where I can plan out everything I'll do, what I'll take, but I let the people go by.

The water thrashes onto the sand, over and over, like the beat to a melody. I take a seat on the soft sand and gently lay my surfboard out in front of me. I hug my knees to my chest.

Thinking days, unfortunately, always cause confusion. There's so much that can be done, but I don't want to do any of them. But I want to do something. So, all I can really do is drown in my boredom as I watch the water draw in and out from the shore.

I feel like I'm waiting for something that will never come.

tags;
Cea
other;
Sorry! Kind of late.