Digging your own grave [Animus standalone]

ANIMUSVALENTINE

The peacekeepers stood at either side of me, flanking my left and my right and guided me to a solitary room. I don't know what I have to do or what's going to happen, I'm not close to anyone who's had a tribute in the games before so I am actually clueless about what I'm actually supposed to do. Stay upright, don't faint, don't urinate on myself or anything like that. Just keep walking with the peacekeepers and show no fear. Hold my head up high as if I'm above them and what they do is of no concern to me.

Truth be told I think I actually took my reaping pretty well. I have countless childhood and recent memories of how different people have taken being picked: freezing up and being dragged on stage by the peacekeepers, breaking down into tears or spewing all over the place. I always used to shake my head at the weakness of these people. I thought they were pathetic fools. How much of a prick I was being; I see that now I'm in their position. But I refuse to stoop down to their level, I want to at least leave the district with some dignity. The last thing I want is to be on some sort of montage; I can see it now 'worst reaping reactions ever'.

After what feels like a thousand steps later I find myself in a room with only a chair and pictures for company. History hits me full force as I stare at the pictures of the young people before me. The past tributes. Most of them are actually dead, some of them have barely started puberty but the others were on the tail end of it at the time of their reaping. I look at the most recent ones from the Western Desert that was the sixty seventh arena. May and Nocturne. Both dead and feeding the worms. I take a glance at the sixty-sixth portraits and what catches my eye specifically is Colgate O'Leary. My mentor. The only one in our District who didn't go wrong. Behind him are Storm and Jabber Jay, two birds slaughtered as if it's hunting season.

Where did they all go wrong? With the exception of O'Leary everyone on that wall is dead so they were obviously doing something incorrectly. I collapse into my seat and sigh, impatiently drumming my fingers against my lap and staring at the ground. They all stare at me, as if they're willing me to join them. But I'm above that, I refuse to feed the worms and join the endless row of grey tributes in coffins marked by gravestones that are greyer than the district itself. I want colour, I want a purpose.

I do my best to ignore the haunting stares of my predecessors as time passes as slowly as a turtle but then the door creaks and swings open and my head snaps towards the door to see my brother, who's pale as milk, nervously as if he's ashamed that he didn't volunteer in my stead. "It's okay, you can stand near me, being a tribute isn't passed through a touch." I say, keeping all resentment and fear out of my voice. "Animus I- I'm sorry, He says. Now that takes me aback because him apologising is the last think I expected to hear from him. "Why are you sorry? You didn't draw my name from that stupid bowl." I state almost resentfully.

"I should've volunteered for you," He states, almost like a little kid who's been made to apologise after doing something wrong.

Now that really took my aback.

"No, you and father are the main wage earners, besides if you went in and died that would mean we wouldn't survive, we need you," I explain, I make sure to leave out 'and without you I'd have to step up and work at the factory which is absolutely not happening." My brother only just shakes his head and bites his lip.

"But I'm the oldest-"

I cut him off "Only by a year." I state. He may be considered a 'man' but I don't see how he is any more mature or superior to me. He cares but he's talentless and no smarter or better than me. "Well, I didn't bring a token. Sorry. He says, switching the subject and still sounding apologetic. Funnily enough it actually doesn't bother me. "My glasses is all I need to remember you guys by, you all banded together your money to get them for me and we went starving for weeks; that's all I need to remember you guys."

"Oi! Time's up! One of the peacekeepers call out.

Trying to keep his tears down my brother steps towards me and actually embraces me as tight as he can. "Come back." Is all he says before the peacekeepers drag him out of the visiting room.

Once again I am left alone.

I sigh and run my hands through my short hair, trying to steady myself. He wants me to come back, my whole family wants me to come back. I take two deep breaths and shut my eyes.

They're probably already digging my grave.

But that doesn't mean I have to occupy it.

Narrative
"Speech"
Thoughts