sister, what did they do to you {oneshot - pearl & diamond}

Pearl Millison

A minute to herself was all it took.

There was a draft in the room that exacerbated her quivers. Tears painted the blush on her cheeks, and she stood by the window of the Justice Buildimg, hand cupped over her mouth to stifle her panicked gasps. The realization was an oncoming train – of what would happen to her, what she would leave behind, and what she would become, and she only had a few minutes to deal with the wreckage before her mother came barging in. She would have to compose herself before that happened, and erase the evidence. Was her mascara staining? That would be the obvious marker. Mother had always known about her weak heart. Watching her cry would only summon a lecture, because it was Pearl Millison representing their family, not their prized warrior. Not Diamond.

She heard a muffled voice outside the door, and Peacekeepers shuffling. So soon? She abruptly smoothed her dress and searched the space for tissues when Diamond appeared in the doorway, mask still somewhat paled in disbelief from the outcome of the Reaping. They exchanged glances and said nothing, not until Diamond reached for the tissues and started dabbing gingerly at Pearl's cheeks. ”You can’t cry in front of mom,” she said, and I know that, I know, that was why she was crying in the first place, to squeeze as much as she could out of her system before it was time to face the only individual that would be delighted about her departure.

Did her mother even understand how different the Games were compared to her prime? The Capitol’s technology has advanced, their creativity was as potent as ever. Their wickedness, their ruthlessness, their expectations have all skyrocketed, and there was no way Pearl could even remotely impress them. Did her mother not recall last year’s career mishaps? She still remembered gasping at the site of the enormous scorpion tearing Charlotte Browning’s leg off like it was tissue paper, and hearing Diamond breathe ”Shit,” beside her as the career on television bled into the sand. She remembered Jem Morgan, the perfect concoction of good looks, haughtiness, charms, and cruelty, yet in the blink of an eye had been skewered through the heart by Potato Earnest.

Their mother had been outraged, especially since Jem had not been his first victim. Pearl still recalled how twisted her stomach felt after watching Tiger’s head roll. She had been unable to finish lunch, haunted by the close-ups the Capitol flashed onscreen repeatedly until her face had been paler than the egg whites on her plate.

Then there was the last career standing, Dan Johnwayne. Mauled by the giant Scorpion.

The Capitol’s thirst for ferocious, gargantuan mutations could be her demise. Or perhaps a tribute would sever her head before then. Would she feel it? Did she want to? Was it easier to simply die without knowing she was dying? Or did she want to know the exact moment her consciousness would disappear forever?

She didn’t know. She just knew that she wanted to live, yet that option might’ve been swept out from under her two feet. Her future looked grim.

Pearl Millison may know the career mechanics, but she was no killer.

”Are you listening to me, Pearl?”

She hadn’t been, she was still trying to banish the gore from her mind. She knew she shouldn’t, because it would soon become her reality, but Pearl had never been particularly good at dealing with her problems. ”What?”

”I said you’re going to have to try, you know that right? You’re not allowed to give up just because you don’t want to kill someone.”

Right. She had been so focused on her own possible demise that she had forgotten what surviving actually meant. She would have to murder living, breathing human beings. Friends, if she made any. Maybe even her own district partner. She didn’t have a bad bone in her body. Could she really pull that off? They say it’s different when you’re fighting for your life in a hostile environment, but…

But what if she didn’t change?

”I know,” she muttered, and she didn’t believe it herself. That must’ve been why Diamond tightened her jaw and stepped even closer . ”I mean it. You have to try as hard as you can. You’ve trained for this. Anyone can be a killer, even if they don’t want to be.”

Pearl nodded. She was out of options, it seemed. She would have to carry the burden of the family legacy, stop herself from shaming their name, and live.

Somehow, she just couldn’t see herself accomplishing any of these things. She had always been the disappointment. In the face of death and pain, she would only be worse. But she would try, for her own sake and theirs. Trying was better than submission, because submission meant death, and no amount of training could prepare her for something so permanent.

”I’ll try,” she said, eyes glistening with oncoming tears.

”Promise?”

She looked up and parted her lips in surprise. Diamond’s irises were the color of rusted copper, and her pupils were dilated into two focused orbs. There was a ferocity coiling around each microscopic ridge that Pearl didn’t recognize. It was angry, but it was also aching. She was leaving Diamond behind, and she didn’t want that, did she? Pearl knew that if the roles had been reversed, she wouldn’t want Diamond to be sent away. It would make the house feel even emptier, with two bodies gone instead of one.

And one might not come back.

”I promise,” she replied, because maybe it would delay her suffering.