icy boy pudding // district 06 // finished

Appearance? Well I really don't know my appearance. Wanna know why? It's because I'm a blind person and blind persons doesn't see their faces or even their body. But since you asked about my appearance, well i'll try to ask my mother if she will tell my appearance. I know it's kinda awkward asking my mother about this but i'll try for the sake of you people.

My mother told me that my hair's black, with black eyes and thin eyebrows. It's quite unusual for me to be talking about my appearance here but i'll continue. I also have a height of 5'7" and has a weight of 138 pounds. I am normally thin because of my blindness that makes me unable to do work. My mother told me that I got my appearance from her and that made me proud because of it.

I have two notable features on my face. First is my teeth, my teeth is aligned well and white. My mother always call me to just clean or brush my teeth. Even though we are poor, my mother still had the time to do them. Second one are my dimples, every time I smile my mother would've tell me that I have a dimple formed on each of my cheeks. At first I didn't know what they are but she told me that dimples are like small indentation on my flesh.

Though I might not have the strength to use against those tributes or have strong and fast legs to run away from them but I am good with hearing. Hearing has been my one and only friend and I always rely on it. Hearing is one of my tutor on walking around the open district. My mother used to guide me on walking around the district but using my own senses to walk around was better.

And lastly, living my life is hard, especially when it comes to clothing. I think clothing is more important to those who can see around their surroundings. Except me, I don't really wear better clothes like normal shirts  (normal shirts for him means having no holes or stitches)  and decent pants and shoes. I wear tight clothes with so much stitches around it. You want to know why I know them? Well I used my sense of touch when my mother showed me the shirt. My pants are ragged and I wear thin slippers with holes and such. In fact, I don't really care what I wear, at least I still have my clothes to wear when I go out.

My personality is like a sloth. Doing nothing around the district, just sitting and burdening my mother like a sloth would cling to a bent tree. It's so hard seeing myself unhelpful to my mother. It makes my heart sink or even tears it apart. Usually you would see me so sad, wandering or sitting under the shade of a tree with a sad face. I always think that I am a burden to my mother who always work for me to live this long and it makes me want to suicide. To be honest, I can't really do a suicide since I can't see things. And sometimes I always thought that - why should I live when I don't do a single thing to help my mother?

I also keep things inside of me but when I get mad, I always murmur something out of my red lips. I am like a suicidal person when I feel that I have burdened someone but I keep on lashing it out of my mind by being optimistic. I always thought that maybe I will be able to see someday. I know it's really hard to achieve even if you live in this district but I keep on with my life. I try to be calm and kind to others. I always try to make friends with other person even if they think that I am weird for being blind and a burden.

Astraphobia is one of my worst case scenarios in my life. I really don't know where thunders are but I always hear them around my house. It is like they're all over my house, trying to give me a good scare and making me to hide beside my mother. Hearing a thunder makes my heart race and I suddenly become a very coward person. All the suicidal thoughts about being a burden goes away whenever I hear a thunder. Sometimes I cover my ears so that I won't hear any thunders but it's impossible. I always cry whenever I feel myself helpless in every sound of thunders.

People likes to trust other people except me! Trust isn't my middle name and I don't like to trust people who I feel not worthy of my trust. My mother once told me that, "Don't ever trust strangers when you're alone." And I really did follow her. I don't easily trust other people with calm or soft-spoken tones. My mother would be proud that I don't trust other people but what would happen if someone has a similar tone as my mother, went to my house and convinces me to go out with her. Should I easily follow it or become a rock and ignore it? Of course my answer would the second one. I always know about my mother's way of speaking well. I have spent like all of my life together with my mother. Duh.

My childhood aren't that awesome. There are always sad experience and that makes happy experience less. As for as I can remember, I used to have the sense to see the surrounding world. I used to remember the trees with it's abundant and green leaves, the unlimited blue sky, rich brown soil and the face of my beautiful mother. I still remembered the first time that we went out together in the marketplace looking for food. I also remembered when the reaping started in our district and the woman who is dressed oddly takes out a paper from a bowl and calls out a name.

Until one day, the worst thing happened to my life. A conductor just misconducted in the factory which sent a huge explosion to the factory. That explosion with fire combined with smoke that instantly any of your senses. Yet I am glad with it, how ironic right? I am just glad with it because it didn't take out all of my five sense. After the explosion, my mother quickly sent me back to a nearby hospital so treat bleeding eyes and she disappeared after. It was weird why she left and I didn't know why.

Anyway, a couple of days after the explosion, the capitol sent funds to our district to repair the factory. My mother's work went back to normal and I am left in the home again alone. It didn't sadden me because my mother's work was the only thing that made me alive, except for my neighbors who rarely gives us food.

Wondering why I didn't say something good about my father? Well it's because that my father left or even died when I was still in my mother's womb. I didn't know about it and I got the information from my neighbors. I think my mother wouldn't want to talk about it 'cause maybe she had a bad experience with my father. I didn't bother with it and just put the thing about my father out.