Prodigal Son [Ailera]

I stood at the depot with my coat wrapped tightly around me, one arm draped conspicuously over the top section of my stomach. I could feel the impatience in my hands as they slowly opened and closed, anxious to see the brother I had missed so much. Would I recognize him? Certainly I would, he couldn't have changed too much. Then again, it was seven years, and I don't remember ever seeing a peacekeeper who wasn't buff. Would I know who he was when he stepped off the train? Would he know who I was? He probably would. I still hadn't cut my hair, and I wasn't aging hard. The only difference in me, really, was my duller choice of clothes and the rising hill on my abdomen. And the ring on my finger.

For two weeks I asked and asked for confirmation Max would show up. My father had told me over and over Max wouldn't come, even as he lamented on all the things he had said to him, even as he wished just to see his only son. I knew he would come, especially in a time like this. I knew my brother, or at least, I hoped I still knew him. Yesterday evening I received the news a Captain Maximillian Stahl was coming on the afternoon train. I didn't know what to expect when I saw him, most importantly when the news came he was now a captain.

Considering the past two weeks, much of the situation at home wasn't getting better. My father was injured and couldn't work, and with neither Erika or Yvonne having jobs, Riika and I had to find other ways to cap off the money we needed. Riika wasn't home much, and I had to leave Koah with my mother so I could meet Max myself. As of now, he was still my secret. I wanted to be the first one he saw, and I wanted to introduce him to my new family slowly. I was scared, especially of what he would think, but I trusted him and I knew he wouldn't care.

After fifteen minutes of standing around, the conductor announced the train would be slightly late. With a groan I straightened my back and shifted my feet. I didn't like standing for longer than  necessary, and the merchants were taking up all the bench space with their boxes. Another ten minutes passed before a train pulled into the station and the activity around me began to increase. I was off to the side, but I still had a clear view of the train. A group of young men came out of the door, and a few seconds later a great man in fancy dress. It took me a few seconds to recognize the face that looked up in my direction.

That was my little brother. I recognized him immediately, though nothing on his face registered he'd seen me. The hand on my front lifts up to cover my mouth, and before I can help myself my eyebrows are furrowing together. Cold tears spring to my eyes and a shudder runs down my spine. "You okay, lady?" a man asks. I nod my head quickly and wipe my eyes, only bringing on a good fresh onslaught of tears. Damn those hormones.

I begin to take fast paced steps toward Max, half smiling and half making a funny face through tears. Before long I'm in front of him, my eyes opening wider from getting a good look. He wasn't just buff, he was huge! My scrawny little brother had grown the size of a whale! Maybe not a whale, but close enough that I couldn't hug him. I was stuck staring at him, looking at his arms, his legs, and the increased size of his chest. Passerby might have thought I was checking him out had it not been for the tears and the open mouth. A long ten seconds later, I sob and lean my head against him.

"Where the hell do you think you went?"

I feel warmth entering my bones when Max places his arms around me. The gesture is both awkward and exactly what I need. A bitter tinge of reality flares in my mouth when he rests his head on mine, and for a few moments I am stuck with my arms across my chest and no words to express myself. Then, for a few moments we stand there, frozen in a point where we don't need to feel anything but relief. A part of myself that had been made flaky and inaudible was being rejuvenated, even before I'd heard his excuses. Excuses I wasn't sure if I would accept or deflect. I didn't know how to feel about the little brother I'd always considered my best friend.

"He said if I joined the peacekeepers, to never come back, so I didn't," Max says. My father, he meant. I understood. He'd said nearly the exact same things to me when I tried to marry Riika. If you marry that goat, don't you dare show your face anywhere near my family again. I'd done it anyways, maybe for the same reasons as Max. With one sentence, I understood nearly all he had done. I didn't forgive him, and I didn't forget the absence of a goodbye, but I allowed the idea. My mind wanted to yell at him - or hurt him, but my heart demanded my forgiveness. I couldn't stand before my brother in anger for something I would have done myself.

"I'm sorry," he says. Tears continue to rain heavily down my face, but I make no noise as his apology reverberates in my head. Of course he was sorry. Why wouldn't he be? I only wanted to understand why he chose to leave so suddenly. He could have talked to me about it. He used to mention everything to me at least once, and I knew he would eventually leave. He never told me he intended to do it before I saw him again. I remember walking over to visit Yvonne, who was still living with our parents. The door was wide open and someone's trash had blown in with the wind. We realized he was gone an hour later. My search for him lasted thirty minutes - as long as it took me to walk to the PK office and ask about Maximilian Stahl.

Slowly, I turn my head upwards to look him in the eyes. He has definitely matured in seven years. We were no longer close to eye level with each other. Arms that would have before half touched me in a comical imitation of a hug to comfort him when he was frustrated now bulked at my sides heavily without need to try. For a fleeting moment I imagine being engulfed by a bear, before I remember he was just my brother. If he looked different, he would still be the person I remembered on the inside. He was still my sweet little brother, right? So far, it seemed so.

Monotonously, I choke out a weak response. "I can't begin to describe my anger," I begin, "You should have said goodbye. Or visited. Gosh, if you had written me even a sentence and mailed it to me." Slowly my joy at seeing him ebbs away as my frustration decides to come back. I wanted to know how he felt and what he was doing. I wanted to continue being the one he confided in. Losing him burned. It burned for seven years, and with Max right in front of me it fought fervently to come out from within me and turn him to ash. But he had to have felt it just as I had. He had to have missed me.

"Everything has changed," I continue. My tears were coming slower, even as I stopped sobbing to talk to him. "He regrets you leaving. He's still just as temperamental, but, especially after I had my first son, he's chilled out about everything in the past." I needed him to know he was wanted. Especially since my father had talked so often recently about seeing him. If there was one thing I wanted, I wanted them to see each other. Maybe just to prove to my father I knew Max well enough to know he would come.

"Lets not stay here," Max says. I nod my head and look around. I reach up to wipe my face with some violence, then look to my brother. "You'll have to lead the way, though." I nod my head again, feeling a little silly, and allow him to hook my arm around his. The action felt foreign. I stood there awkwardly for a few moments before he began to walk off the platform. As soon as we were off, he left it to me to guide him home. I wasn't ready to take him there. My mother would be there, as well as my sisters and Koah. At my house it would just be us until Riika got home, in about twenty minutes. I make up my mind to introduce him to Riika first. I would have to explain to her he now had a reason I accepted for leaving.

I look up at him as I begin to walk in the direction of my house. "I'm taking you to my house first," I begin. "You might want to relax a little after your travel." The walk would be ten minutes, and when we got there it would be enough time for him to look around the house and sit down. At the moment, though, I was leading him rather slowly. My feet were tired, but I didn't say anything and merely allowed myself to take longer. I wonder if he was growing impatient walking so slow, but I doubted he would hold it against me. The walk took closer to fifteen minutes, though it was probably a little more than that. Riika would be home any minute.

"My house," I say when I open the door. At least it was clean. When Koah was home it was a mess, but whenever he was out of the house with Riika or one of my sisters, I took the opportunity to pick things up. A blanket was folded on the couch with a few of the shirts our mother had made for my son. A hairbrush is on the counter, strands of Riika's brown hair tangled in the teeth and poking out in random directions. The only thing out of place is a pot on the stove with half an inch of dry rice in it. I pull my arm out of my brother's and move to put the brush in a drawer.

Afterwards, I stand and look around impatiently. Riika was a little late. I wanted to talk to Max, but it felt awkward to carry a conversation with him after so long. I didn't want to talk about my new family, mostly because I was still too nervous to mention it. Instead, I filled him in on other things, babbling like I'd never done before - merely filling space with words. I tell him about Liesel's four children, Yvonne's two daughters, and Katja's husband. When I finish, I tell him about Erika's resistance to tying herself down. I mention a few random events and let him know my son was much like him. "He reminds me of you all the time, Max," I said, "He loves animals, and he's so shy sometimes. Then all of a sudden he's getting into something."

I tell him to sit on the couch and take a seat on the other side. I felt I was overwhelming him, so I shut up. Before ten seconds pass, the front door opens and I hear the rustling of a paper bag. The door was blocking my view of my wife, but I stood up and glanced between the door and Max. My heart rate shoots up as a realize he's going to meet my wife right this moment. As soon as the door closes. Then, without taking notice of the person in our home, Riika walks to the kitchen counter and places the bag down, her back to us. "I picked up more rice. Its surprisingly cheap, I don't see why everyone doesn't just buy it," she says, getting out a cardboard container and putting it in one of the cupboards. She turns around to smile at me, but her expression freezes when she sees Max.

I smile back. There didn't seem to be anything else to do for a few moments, then I look at Max and gesture towards Riika. "Th... This is my wi-ife, Riika," I say. Introduction time. "Riika, this is my brother, Max. He's come to visit." I give her my best be nice look, and she gets it immediately. She first gets an irritated expression, then smiles again. I had only really told her about Max on one occasion, which was soon before Caliph was born. I was crying heavily when she came home and expressed how much I missed him, and how angry I was at him for not writing to me. She wouldn't remember him as someone to welcome, but I silently thanked her for getting the message.

I barely looked at Max, keeping my eyes locked on Riika. It wasn't that I was avoiding Max, I was trying to get Riika's attention. Finally, she looks at me, just as Max begins to speak. "Does she treat you well?" he inquires. Immediately Riika breaks into a grin, and I see her bite her lip. She raises her eyebrows at me. "Do I, Mitzi?" I turn a shade of red and face Max. It was slightly embarrassing to have him ask me about her so directly, and in front of her, too. Then, there was her opinion to think about. Even if he liked her it would be almost default for her to not like him. I was hoping she didn't get bad vibes from him too quickly.

"Of course she does, but I'm beginning to think I may just be a baby factory in her eyes," I joke. She changes the tone of her smile, and looks at Max.

"Just six more, then you can stop," she says. I make a mental note to thank Riika later, for lightening my mood. I felt a little woozy being so close to Max, and introducing him to people I described him to. He must have been more a surprise for Riika than me. I at least had his face, she was imagining someone entirely new who turned out to look pretty close to an opposite. She takes off her coat and points to the dog, that I was trying desperately to ignore. Big dogs made me nervous. "He better be safe," she says. I notice her sudden change, something she did right after she feigned an emotion. She used to end arguments, but I hadn't caught onto it for some time.

Riika's behavior changes my feelings towards Max for the moment, and I look at him like the new person he was. A stranger in my home, a changed man that I had to wonder how well I knew. I lock eyes with him and wait to see my little brother. I wanted to catch something. I did, but what I caught wasn't that he was still in there. It was that he'd grown, and I could accept that. I didn't stop looking at him until I noticed Riika a little closer to me than before. She had her arms crossed, and flicked her eyes towards him.

Almost in the same tone as Max has used to ask me about her, she asked me about him. "Does he know what he did to you?" she asks. Then her face darkens, and she looks at me solemnly. When she speaks again, its flat and cold. "I hope he knows how hard you cried. How you stayed up late talking about him to yourself. All the times you called Koah 'Max' when he was first born." I knew what she thought she was doing. She thought she was protecting me, and she was seeking out my approval with her eyes. She remembered him as the bad guy, and I could almost hear the tension in her voice as she became unsure. I couldn't give her the look I wanted, not the thank you. I couldn't look at her. Then she turned her head toward Max. "How can you come back? Why didn't you just stay away from her? Mitzi, when he leaves, its just going to hurt more. He'll leave."

I feel the color drain from my face like falling off a wet roof. I immediately move towards Max, instinctively protecting him though I wanted him to hear all Riika had to say. "And how can you say that?" I reply, "He came back, and that's the point." I put a hand on his arm. He must have felt everything. I knew he would have. It had to have hurt him to leave, and I had to get my mind on that. I needed to tell myself that it was hard for him to make that decision. Telling myself he regretted it, even if he didn't, was keeping me from turning against him. Oh, how hard I wanted to b eon his side.

Staying there was difficult. I waited, hoping someone would break the silence.

My emotions were everywhere at once. I was frustrated with Riika, and with Max, but toward shim I felt joy, relief, and anger. Watching Riika get angry began to pull at my nerves, tugging them in an irritating way so I couldn't ignore it. She as making Max angry, and I wanted him to be comfortable. I didn't want to confront him yet, at first I planned to just enjoy being around him. If things messed up, it needed to be in a few days, not when he first arrived. "I don't give a damn if you are her wife," Max says, drawing out his words in a way that reminded me of slowly falling out of a tree, clinging to the trunk and scraping yourself all over. Each word was a tiny piece of bark lodging itself in my skin. I felt tears spring to my eyes, and Riika tilted her head as if to say Really, Mitzi?

"I don't owe you, or anyone else an explanation. I didn't have to come back, but for some reason I did;" I choked on a sob, tightening my grip on him and looking between him and Riika. I felt the tension in the room growing,  "I'm beginning to wonder why now." The silence after his words was like death. I couldn't forgive Riika if she drove him out. Riika at first motioned to him, as if to prove a point that he wasn't the good news I had hoped for. I knew if something didn't happen fast we'd be fighting, and I didn't feel up to trying to argue with Riika. She was stubborn, and she won any fight she really put her mind to.

I gave Riika a frustrated look. She put a hand on her hip and began to suck on the side of her cheek, and old habit of hers. For a second, I'm reminded of when I first met her, and I looked at her dealing with a customer. She was doing the same thing. "Riika, you know what my dad is like," I said, "Why, he didn't speak to us for all those years when we-"

I began to say something, but a soft push on the lower left side of my stomach startled me. I held my breath, tears freezing in place on my eyes. Then it came again, like butterflies flicking their wings around the little area. Little twitches. Riika furrowed her eyebrows, her expression softening as she saw my distress, but my 'distress' didn't last long. My entire face relaxed, and the tears waiting in my eyes fell out like rain. I didn't sob, but I smiled at Riika. She had been asking me for a little over a month if I had felt the baby yet.

"What happened?" she asked, approaching me quickly. I kept on hand tightly on Max, but I took hers in mine. I didn't place it on my stomach, no, it didn't feel hard enough that I thought she could feel it through my skin. Just hard enough for me to feel my baby. I looked at Max as the rest of my face softened, and leaned my head against his arm. The feeling turned my frustration into more or less, exasperation. I was suddenly very, very tired.

"Thank you, Max, for coming home," I said. "Riika, you don't need to protect me from him. He's my brother in this house, not a peacekeeper. Forget his title." For a few more seconds I just stood there, letting the little butterflies flutter against my side. I let my head fall against Max's arm, and closed my eyes for a few seconds before I kept talking, with them still closed. "Riika, meet your brother-in-law. His name is Max. I think you'll like him, but he's got an animal thing. Be polite about it." I didn't open my eyes to see if she was being polite about it. I knew she didn't like dogs, especially when they were with a peacekeeper. "Sweet, I feel the baby. Please try to be nice. I know he hears you."

I relaxed more when Max's arm came around my shoulders. I didn't care what they were doing, but when I opened my eyes my wife was blank. She looked at me, masking her feelings. To be honest, I couldn't have cared less if she ignored me or took my words to heart. At the same time as our door opens again, Riika pulls me away from Max and into her arms. My head fit into her shoulder like a key, and she held me there. With the opening of the door came a pair of feet I knew well, and I lifted and turned my head to see Koah running in towards us. I turned fully around so Koah could hug Riika.

"Mitzi, Riika, we're home!" Yvonne said. I looked at her, rightfully surprised. She was supposed to watch Koah for another hour, and usually I picked him up. "Mom went to go visit Papa, so I brought Koah back with me--" she began to explain, but halted when she saw Max. I watched the emotions flash across her face - first surprise, then happiness. A better reaction than I must have had. "Max?" she finally asked, and I looked between them. Tears were in her eyes, and by reaction my own tears began to well up again. I looked down at Koah for distraction. He looked back up at me and smiled. Then he reached a hand in his pocket. Riika sighed.

I looked away, deciding to let her handle that one. I didn't even want to know what he brought in. Instead, I looked back at Yvonne, who was babbling and falling over herself to say things to Max. "You're not Maxchen anymore, you look so strong..." I heard her say. It was true, no one could possibly miss the difference in his appearance. It was so like her to bring it up, to bring everything up in fact. I gave my brother and sister a small smile, one I assumed they didn't catch. They must have been caught up in each other.

Riika interrupted me from watching my siblings, and flicked her eyes down to Koah. He was looking up with me with the corners of his mouth pushed under his cheeks, something I had learned meant he wanted something, or had a question. "Yes, Koah?" I asked, and looked away from my wife. He rocked on his heels for a second, and put his hands behind his back. I inhaled sharply and shot a look at Riika. She knew what he wanted, and she knew he never asked for it because he was shy. I smoothed back his hair, and without a word took him to the kitchen and started making rice and spinach. Enough for six people.

"Hello Yvonne," I heard Riika say. Few people recognized the tone of voice she was using, and only people who knew her well knew what it meant. Her mood was damaged too easily if she was stressed, and it hadn't happened in a very long while. I felt a twinge of unease, though I knew Riika got along with Yvonne very well. I dismissed whatever thought fought its way into my head. She didn't have a bad temper, but emotions had a way of balling themselves up inside of her and making her into a very easily disliked person. Little ticks began.

With Koah next to me I watched my brother closely. "Max, Yvonne, stay for supper. I'm sure we have enough." I ignored whatever expression Riika chose, and instead smiled. Koah was happy to see me confident.

"Who's that?" he asked. My head snapped down towards him and I stared at him. Of course I would answer him, but before I could, Yvonne did. Still no, at that second my son didn't care who the big man in our living room was. He moved towards the dog and repeated his question, adding a bit that made me bite my cheek. "I call him Kitty."

When I stood at the table a few feet from the counter, I could see Koah's and Max's faces. Koah stared at the dog in wonder, most likely plotting in his head a way to get my brother to let him play with him. "This is Kaiser," Max said. With that, I looked at the dog closer. He was big, but very pretty. His black fur was glossy, and his bottom half was a light honey color. It wasn't difficult to see why Koah was so interested in him. "You wanna pet him? He's friendly," my brother added. I had a sudden urge to run up next to my son and pet the dog with him, but I restrained myself and instead watched him.

He approached the dog confidently, still staring like he'd never seen a dog before. Koah stopped about a foot in front of Kaiser, and glanced up at Max curiously. Then his hand came up, and he moved it slowly while tilting his head and giving a little smile to the dog. I smiled, too, because it was adorable. After a few seconds, he turned around and look at me with a huge smile on his face. "Mama I think he just loves me so much!" When he said that, I couldn't stop myself from laughing and nodding my head. Yvonne joined in, too, and Riika smiled.

"I'm sure he does," I said, and met Max's eyes. I could tell they would get along well, they were too similar to each other not to. Koah pets Kaiser for a little longer, muttering things to him that could only be praises and other random things only a child as young as him could think to say. Then he does something unexpected - he stops and looks up at my brother. He tells Max his name and waits for an answer. It was unlike Koah to be so open with strangers, because most of the time he was shy and wouldn't say anything. Maybe it was the dog.

"My kitty likes dogs," Koah said. My breath caught and I looked quickly towards Riika, who's eyebrows were raising. I had to hold back a grin.

"What kitty?" she asked. Yvonne repeated the question, but with curiosity instead of impatience.

"My one-eyed kitty," he replied, as if it was something we should have known all along.

"Where is your kitty?" Yvonne asked. This time, Riika repeated the question. I giggled and looked at Max. I was getting in a lighter mood. Koah responded by jumping over to the couch and grabbing something from against the arm, something I hadn't noticed before. A fuzzy little kitten of black, orange and white was hanging from my son's two hands. It looked like it had been just woken up, and I had to mentally say an "aw!".

At first, I expected Riika to demand Koah put the kitten outside as she always did, but for some reason she decided not to and stood back while Koah walked with the kitten over to Max. "I want to name him Pirate 'cause Pirates always got just one eye." Every time he said Pirate he growled it out in his best impression of one. "What do you think of that name? Also I think his eye hurts right now, we have to take him to the doctor to make him feel gooder."