balthazar krieg black { peacekeeper }

When I was a kid, I always wanted to be a peacekeeper.

See, in district one, there's only so much a kid can do to actually follow their dreams, since that dream is usually a) become victor, or b) die trying. Me though, I always had my heart set on being a peacekeeper, while my brothers, all three of them, went to the gym together and laughed over something that I had no clue what they meant, dreamed of a crown on their head. Pretty much each one of them could envision what their crown would look like, and how it would fit to the mold of their scalp and contrast to the same black hair we all had. I thought they'd look pretty dumb with it on, it's just a crown after all.

A crown twenty-three people died for - it didn't seem like much of a prize for me.

They always just called me a sissy or something other, said I was just scared of the games, when ever I sliced a little less than enthusiastically. Yeah though, just a little more than scared; I was fucking terrified of the games. I was in love with systems, with the idea of the games, but being inside of one, being on the edge between glory and gore, shook me more than a little just thinking about it. Each three of my brothers was more set towards it than me - mostly because they trained harder for something they actually wanted. Each one was actually a career, I was just the other Black kid; not scrawny to say, but not a career.

But see, I was okay with knowing I wasn't a career, because I wasn't one. My three brothers and I were practically crops raised in a career plantation, except it was more like my brothers were some type of green and I was that one weak ass beet. It's been that way for a while, if I haven't made that point apparent enough. As kids they were all these mucho-gruncho guys, while I was just the other, slightly less important dorkier version of the three of them. And, give or take, it's the same way now.

The three of them aren't exactly as much wash-ups as I hoped they would be; my older brother's starting to grey along with his wife while his first son is about seven. My second and third are only a few doorsteps behind him too - I mean, neither of them have children, hell one of them is a widower for ripred's sakes, but age wise they're somewhere near him. I mean, I'm only seven years behind grey hair and children, but for the time being I'm still that baby Black brother.

Though, my life is in sort of a rut compared to their's, every time I get letters from them back from district one it's with kids and dogs and big fat fruitcakes. You know, like the ones they make on special occasions when the neighbors come over in tacky sweaters, those type of fruitcakes. I've never actually made one of those, I don't bake much anymore - maybe that's why my life is in a rut. They send me those photos from when we were kids, like that one time I cried because I thought I glued my fingernails to my fingers for the rest of my life.

I haven't seen my brothers in a while actually, they're all in district one festering on their own lives and I'm put in district two, but you know what? It's not much of a problem to me, I've spent too much of my life with them under my skin as it is, so maybe using this peacekeeper situation to leave and not have to talk to my family wasn't as bad an idea as I thought it would be. In fact, I was scared to not be able to talk to them face to face, but oh ho, no more shadows to live under, and no more family in general. What's the worst that could happen?

Well, all I gave up was my ability to get married until I get laid off for some unfortunate event. At least until then I'll have a reason to not get married; that's what I tell mother you see. And my dad, Mr. Black, he usually just goes something along the line of "fruity shit-smear," and wobbles away with the rest of his 10-years life expectancy left.

He never really loved me, not like he loved my three brothers. 

Peacekeepers aren't supposed to love, I guess, that's what I tell my mother anyways. Maybe I'll get somewhere on this peacekeeper thing, or at least as far as I hoped I would as a kid.