falling from the inside {Sammy Standalone}

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Knuckles
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4,983 POSTS
Pronouns: he/him
last seen Nov 14, 2024 16:08:02 GMT -5

probably flailing over something

falling from the inside {Sammy Standalone} Nov 24, 2014 23:08:59 GMT -5

Post by Knuckles on Nov 24, 2014 23:08:59 GMT -5

Narration
Thoughts
"Speech"

When the sun shined through my window, I climbed out of bed prepared to go see June. Every morning I leave the house before heading down the lonely street until I wind up in front of her house. Each day I spent time with her brings another memory. One where my mother isn't controlling me. One where I'm in charge for once. I got ready throwing on my best pair of jeans and a nice button down shirt one I usually wear for the reaping, but today it's for a different cause. June has been my friend for a while. I've known her since school, but we didn't get close until that evening after school on that bench. She talked to me, and she didn't judge me like a lot of people do. A large grin spreads across my face my little by little as I make sure everything looks okay.

I walk out of my room and head towards the kitchen. Only this time my mother is standing inside. My muscles tense as I look through the kitchen at the door wondering how I can slide past it without her seeing me, but I know it's impossible. Hell lurks through the house with each breath she takes. I hate it here. I hate how she wraps her hands around me like I'm some sort of toddler. She controls my life because of my leg. Sometimes I wish she was dead, but nobody should wish that on their own mother. It's wrong of me, but I don't care. I don't care what's happening because she treats me like I'm an animal. I take a deep breath before stepping into the kitchen knowing she'll hound me as soon as she lays eyes on me, but today I plan on taking a stand and showing her I'm not a toddler anymore. I'm a fifteen year old who deserves freedom.

"Morning Sammy." Her voice caught my ears as I barely walked into sight. I cock my head to the side trying to remain strong. I can't let her control me anymore. I have to show her that I can care for myself. Slowly, I move farther into the kitchen hoping she doesn't say anything else, but I'm wrong. "Where do you think you're going?" My eyes shoot towards the ground. She'll never let me out of the house not when she finds out where I'm going. One of my best friends, a girl, she wouldn't know what to do. I take a deep breath trying to find the strength inside to tell her I don't need her help anymore, but I do need her help. I need her to love me, but I also need her to release the grasp she has on me. I look at her hoping she'll understand. I need her to understand, but the way she looks at me tells me she doesn't approve.

"I'm going out to meet a friend." Immediately she stares at me with her beady green eyes, and I know it's a lost cause. Plus I'm already running late. June has to be worrying now. "Mom, I just want to go out. I want to have my own life. I want to be a normal teenager. I want to hang out with friends." The fork she was holding falls out of her hands as she turns to me. I know it's a lost cause because she doesn't think I'm capable of making friends. I sigh silently knowing nothing is going to change anything. "Come on mom. Please?"

"Fine. Go out."

That's when I heard knocking pounding against the front door. I move towards the door as fast as I can with a huge grin on my face. I fling the door open to find the face of June standing in front of me, but it isn't good. Peacekeepers marched behind her dragging her away from me. She screamed my name, and my mother swung the door open. "JUNE!" I scream at the top o f my lungs as I try running towards her, but my mother wraps her arms around me pulling me back. "Let me go! JUNE!" I shout again as mother pulls me away. I struggle against her, and my eyes lock with June's. Tears roll down my face as a bag is tossed over her head, and they take her away. Peacekeepers running away with her. Maybe if my mother would've just let me out of the house this could have been prevented, but now it's too late.

"JUNE!" But it was too late. She was gone, and I don't know if I'll ever see her again. Tears fall down my face as I turn towards my mother. Fire burns inside my veins turning my face a horrible red.

"She's gone. She's gone."

She's gone.

lest we forget [the characters]

credit to Zoe

Knuckles
Librarian

4,983 POSTS
Pronouns: he/him
last seen Nov 14, 2024 16:08:02 GMT -5

probably flailing over something

falling from the inside {Sammy Standalone} Dec 14, 2014 1:16:35 GMT -5

Post by Knuckles on Dec 14, 2014 1:16:35 GMT -5

Narration
Thoughts
"Speech"

How much time has truly gone by since they took her? A minute? An hour? A day? Weeks? Months? I don't know, but each second she's away from me grows longer and harder. Mom's been yelling at me over and over. She says I need to get out of my room and stand outside in the sunlight. To get her to shut up and leave me alone, I agreed, but I can't walk through the door. It was through this door I watched them drag her away. Mom held me back against my will as I fought to get to her, and now she's gone. I don't know where she is or if she's even alive anymore. My heart breaks each time I wake up each morning wanting to see her, but I can't. She's not here.

So I decide to listen to my mom for once. I grab a sheet of paper off the shelf in my room, and I place a pen in my muon before walking away from my room slamming the door behind me. Mom's already standing in the kitchen doing whatever she does in the morning. When she sees me, she smiles, and I want to smile back, but I can't make my lips work. It's been so long since a smile spread across my face. The smile I wore the morning they took her was quickly replaced with a permanent frown and red stained eyes from the tears I've shed. I catch a glimpse of myself in the kitchen window. I look like I've been tossed through a wash basin and hung up to dry. Red puffy cheeks hide my jawline. My eyes are dark and swollen, and for once I actually don't care.

No words are exchanged between us as I walk out the door. Maybe she finally understands the pain lurking inside of me each and every day. Maybe she realizes I'm not a robot capable of living an emotionless life like she wants. I was happy for the first time in my entire life. June showed me she cared even when others didn't. She never made fun of me for my bad leg. She was always so kind and gentle. I don't know what it is about her, yet when I saw her face, it's like I was always meeting her for the first time. I'll never forget the butterflies dancing around in my stomach as I fought for words to say, or the red glowing on my cheeks when I messed up. None of that mattered to her. I think I fell in love, but now it's too late, and I don't think I can live without her.

The door shut silently behind me as I sit down on the tiny step. It takes every but of energy left inside as I fight trying to remain strong. I can't let my mom hear me crying. I don't want the entire world to know how much pain truly lurks inside me, but nobody cares. Mom doesn't understand the pain. I don't know what happened to my father, but mom isn't trapped. She's free to do whatever she wants. I can't. I can't run away from her without facing consequences. I can't hide away like nothing's wrong. It's not fair, but life wasn't ever fair. My heart pounds inside my chest growing louder with each breath I take. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to move. Every little thing hurts. If mom knew what I was planning, I don't know if she'd try to stop me. Maybe she would. Maybe she wouldn't, and honestly I'm not going to find out.

I take the pen in my hand and press it against the paper as tears roll from my eyes.

Mom,
I don't know how you expect me to be so strong all the time. June made me happy. She turned my life around. You never wanted me to have a friend because you thought it would take your son away from you. That wouldn't ever happen. I didn't want that to happen. Mom, I love you, and I care for you. All I wanted was freedom. All I wanted was the chance to live a life without worrying about the hunger games. I didn't want to sit at home listening to you blabber on and on about them. I wanted a life, and June gave me that life, but you wouldn't let me go to her house. You wouldn't let me see her, and now I don't know if she's alive or dead. I don't know if she's in the Capitol as an Avox. I don't know anything mom. I ~~loved~~ love her. I watched her them take her away, and you wouldn't let me save her. I could've saved her! Mom, I don't know what else to do. You won't let me talk about her to you. You won't let me get my emotions out. I can't sit here and pretend nothing's wrong because everything is wrong. I can't sleep at night without dreaming about the day she was taken away. I can't focus. I can't function. I can't do anything. I've screwed up, and I can't go on anymore. I'm sorry for failing you. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for being a fucked up son.
Sammy

June,
I never got to tell you this, but I love you. I don't know if you're alive or dead, but I can't go on living without you. I love you June Rhodes, and I'm sorry I didn't help you. I'm sorry I let them take you away. I'm sorry for breaking the promise I made to May. I'm sorry for everything. I could've tried to stop them. I could've tried to save you, but I've failed you. I don't know what to do. Everything just keeps going downhill, and I want to run away and hide. I'll never forget you. I promise. I'll keep this promise because it's the last one I'll ever make. If you ever see this letter, I'm probably dead. And I'm sorry. I really am. I just wish I had more time with you. I wish I could've told you how I feel about you. I'll never forget the first time we talked, and all the other times we talked after that. You made me feel good about myself. I have a secret to tell you. The reason why I wouldn't let you in my house is because mom didn't want me to have a friend. I always lied to her telling her I went to tutoring to study for school. I had to find a way to see you, and I should've just told her the truth. I was afraid she wouldn't let me out of the house. June, I don't deserve you. I don't deserve such a wonderful woman as a friend. I'm a coward and a liar, and truth be told, you're best off without me. Everyone in the world is. I don't want to hurt you, and I never meant to hurt you. I miss you though. I miss you so much, and if you've gone on to a different world, I'll be seeing you shortly. I already have the supplies, and I know what I'm going to do. Maybe it'll be quick and painless. Maybe I'll suffer like the suffering the Capitol has put you through. I promise I'll always remember you and everything you've ever done for me. I honestly can't thank you enough.

I'm really sorry.
Please forgive me.
Sammy.

The pen falls from my hand as I begin sobbing violently. I love you June Rhodes, and I always will. I fold the paper up and place it inside my pocket before wiping the tears away. I walk through the door into the kitchen placing a fake grin across my face. Mom can't see me crying since this is the last time she'll ever see me alive.