If we go down this road(Marr)

The moment my eyes open, there's only one vision of a face that lingers from the night full of dreams. Nightmares that turned to dreams as each one went by. No matter how bad they seemed to get with each waking moment and back into a slumber, her face would always seem to magically appear. However subtle, it was there. Even as I sit here on this sandy beach, I can only wish for her appearance like the dreams... of all the days in my life, I don't wan to be alone. Not today of all days. This day was the worst day of my life a year ago. A year ago, my brother disappeared under the water and was found just days later by some fisherman. It was the worst four days of my life considering it was our idea to skip out on work and hit the waves. It was just fun. That's all it was and it turned into a tragedy.

"Oh, Eb. You don't even know. I'd rather spend this day with you than anyone else. Why can't you be like my dreams and just show yourself? I just can't leave my brother out here. I just can't." My voice murmers out, getting drowned out by the sound of the crashing waves coming to lap at my feet. I draw my toes in when the cold water touches them but relax as the waves move back and come in again. My gaze doesn't move from the spot in front of me. Instead, I just let the visions take over. The moments of surprise when he disappeared off his board. To the vision of going under water and trying to search for him. It all hits me at once, sending this painful bout of pain through my heart and I drop my head and lean over my knees.

"Carter. I'm sorry. I should have watched out for you better. Don't hate me." I whisper to the salty water just as a nautical shell comes to touch my toe with a forceful sweep of ocean vomit. I reach for it quickly and let it settle between my two fingers and thumb, pressing hard on the delicate ocean treasure. Again, my thoughts are drowned out to the sound of the ocean's whisper, not even noticing the approaching dream-like creature. Not even her voice seems to draw me out of my stupor.

"...hun."

Something about that word seems to hit home. Something about that word just seems to penetrate deep within my psyche more than any other word. For a moment, I'm lost as to why it's only that word that I register, but then I realize it within a matter of moments. She's here. Somehow, I've not even paid attention to the only person that I want to see. The beautiful creature that's somehow made her way into my dreams again.

"Eb..." My fingers clinch tightly to the delicate ocean treasure and let the pointed edge dig into my skin. The prickle of pain alerts my senses even more and I look to her, finally making eye contact with the beauty that's brought me back to my conscious state. "Hey."

The grip on the shell gets tighter suddenly, peircing my skin enough to make my hand jolt and drop the shell beside me. My hand is quick to react to the sudden company and stretches out, wrapping gently around the back of someone I hold so dear to my heart.

"No." The words leave my mouth before I even have time to register that my lips are moving. My heart is wanting to expell the contents of my grieving soul to someone but it's only her, that my head will agree to with. It's going to be out in the open as the ocean water suddenly pushes a little too far and it reaches the seat of my pants. "A year, Eb. A year has passed from the most horrible and best part of my life. I don't know how else to really put this." A puzzle of words escape, with no meaning whatsoever. I'm not even sure if I ever told, but if I did, it's been long forgotten in the recesses of my mind to never damped the ground she walks on. Too bad, the ocean seems to suddenly want to spit out whats meant to stay hidden.

My arm presses against her back. The feeling of a body so near to me of someone I only dreamed of this morning is now sitting beside me in the flesh. Her presence is already seeming to heal my inner demons. This simple touch and being near her somehow brings me to say what's on my mind, only in cryptic form. Words that make no sense and it shows when her angelic voice questions me.

"Do you want to talk about it, hun?" It comes complete with a hug from her. Her tiny, yet long arms wrapping around my body, encircling my entire being with this compassionate hug. Her head rests against my shoulder and her breath exits her nose and the heat that escapes sends this chill down my spine. I feel my heart wanting to collapse in her everlasting grip.

"Talk about it... there's not much to say, Eb." I lie through my teeth. The last thing I want to do is push my life's issues into her perfect world. Saving her from my own guilt won't bring him back, but only push her away. Push her away as the ocean pulls in the most valuable things and spits out what it doesn't want.

The edge of the water starts to foam the higher the tide gets. A full moon must be underway for the water to be acting this strange today.

"This is the anniversary of my brother's death, Ebs. Carter... was a couple years older than me. Ditched work and went out on our boards. The undercurrent pulled him right under without so much as a peep. Never knew he was missing until I turned around waiting on the perfect set of waves to come in. Never felt so scared in my life." My arm stays around her, pulling her closer with each breath as my heart seems to shatter with every word that I've dared not speak since it happend a year ago. "I kept searching for him, I really did. I didn't give up. I never would forgive myself. Hours later, I got pulled out by a keeper, but I was about to go under from exhaustion. Mom made me quit looking. By then, it was dark and the search was off."

I rest my head on her head, extending my feet outward to ward off the rising tide. "Sorry, I don't mean to put a damper on your day." I explain and turn slightly to let my lips touch her forehead. It's a friendly gesture that I do on occasion with her, though its rare and usually under better circumstances. Most of the time, it's after a friendly argument where one of us ends up right and the other wrong. Though, as my lips touch her skin, it feels so much more different. The stars align differently in this one moment. "Then you came around three weeks after it happened."

Honestly comes out for this fair haired beauty sitting beside me. The words that flow out of my mouth is like the waves over a rock. Without any hesitancy, it just happens. Without knowing what will come as a backlash, it floods and spills over. Any damage done will just have to adapt.

And adapt she does.

I'm sorry that happened to you Jax, I had no idea." Now, I feel as though my harsh reality is seeping out and effecting her ability to cheer me up when that's all I wanted in the first place. She's suddenly, in my mind, become more than I can even think of. When did this occur? We've been friends for just around a year and then she does this amazing trick to get me to spill out this emotion so foreign to myself. I don't like to express sadness or despair in front of people, yet here she is pulling it out. What has she unleashed in me?

Magic happens within seconds of her voice singing in my ear. Her fingers intertwine with my own sparking this amazing tingling sensation to zoom throughout my body. Electricity?

"I cannot imagine what it must have been like but I'm here for you if you need me."

I bend down slightly, hunching my back to get to her to look at me. With out any emotions to spill from my eyes, it's easy to turn that death-like stare into a grin and brighten up to actually stare her in the eyes. Those beautiful eyes of hers...

"Hey... it's cool. I do need you and you're helping just by being here." I give her a subtle nod and return to a good posture, leaning my head over on her head. "I had dreams of you last night."

I express my need for her to be with me. In so many ways, I feel that she's good for me. Without her this past year, it might have been totally different. Mourning the death of my brother would have been a lot harder and I think with my good attitude that came from it, so she did as well. She helped to keep me positive; keep looking forward.

Oddly enough, just mentioning about having these dreams about her last night has her a little off-standish now. Almost as if she don't believe me or the fact of it makes her uncomfortable. That's when my body shifts slightly almost curious if she'll pull away from me. Doesn't she realize how much she's impacted my life?

Suddenly, she does what I was afraid of.

She pulls away from me.

Her curious eyes and flaming cheeks are the signs that I didn't want to happen. I've embarassed her by telling her about the dreams. The content of the dreams are still my own though; at least that's still sacred. She shrieks without notice before my heart jumps into my throat out of fear that something has happened to her before the water that came crashing into her, also soaks my own body. It doesn't effect me like it did her. I'm used to the temperatures of the water; though she took most of the wave and cold water and sheilded it from hitting me.

I smile at her as she wraps her arms around my middle and presses her ocean soaked body against me and reciting how I am warm.

"Am I now? Well, not for long if you keep hugging on to me." I tease her and wrap my arms around her as well. "Ebs..."

I pull her into a hug harder as another wave comes crashing in, though it barely covers my legs and might have touched her back before receeding again. Slowly, my grip loosens on her, but she still stays, without a doubt, in my grasp. I'm not about to let her go now.

"You know, Ebs... I've been thinking for a while now - just haven't really put much thought into it though until I woke up this morning." My hand moves gently toward her face, tucking the hair behind her ear and then manuevering my index finger under her chin. "You're good for me. I mean, really good... like... umm." I pause because my words start to jumble together. I take a deep breath, letting the air calm my self down. "Ebs... do you think we can... I mean, you and me - I think I'm in love with you."