Fading Quickly {Evander omeshot}

All my life was spent training in the training center for the games, and for the longest time I wanted to go, to show the world I was more than capable of fighting, yet my believes faltered the moment Cassius died in the bloodbath. Watching non career districts slaughter him like he wasn't anything more than a bag of flour pierced my soul more than anyone could imagine, but I kept training. My family wanted me to because it could make me stronger if I was ever reaped or volunteered for the games. It wasn't until the 65th games when Beatrice was reaped my views completely changed. She was strong and brave, but she stood no chance. When her life was ended by decapitation. I'll never forget that moment in my life, but I kept training. Kept fighting because my family wanted me to. I always worked to please them, yet I never had time to please myself. It was the following games my life changed for ever. Ares, one of the strongest, most talented fighters I knew volunteered along with Hannah, and I watched them both die. Ares could have won had he kept his guard up, but he let it down, and now he's gone like Cassius, Beatrice, and Hannah.

Tears roll down my face as I kneel down in front of the graves in the tribute cemetery. I can't show my face to them because I'm weak. I'm a coward in the face of light. I don't know what to do because I'll never fight like them. I'll never be brave enough to volunteer like Ares or Hannah. I'll newer be brave enough to kill like Beatrice, Hannah or Ares. I'm a low life career that doesn't want to fight anyone. I can't do it. The idea of killing sickens me especially since I watched people I care about die by the hands of others their age. And here I am sitting in the frozen ground crying because I miss them so much more as the days go on. I never went and said goodbye to anyone of them because goodbye is forever, and I didn't want that. I wanted them to return home. I wanted to see them all again. I regret everything that I ever said to them, and I've tried moving on and letting them go, but I can't forget them. I can't say goodbye because it lasts forever. I don't know how much time I have left, but I miss them. I want to see their faces again the way it was before the games.

I bring my knees to my chest as I stare at all the names carved in the stones. The thought of them being below me somewhere in the depths of the earth shatters my heart inside my chest. Maybe they can here me if I speak. Maybe they can understand the pain lurking through my body with every breathe I take. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to move on because I can't just forget them like the rest of the world has. I can't force myself to move on, to leave them behind because they are my family. Family is much more important than anything in this world. Without the love of family I would be nothing. It sickens me when people take family for granted because I did, and now they are gone. I can't talk to them anymore to apologize to them. I can't train beside Ares because he's dead. I should've just gone and said goodbye. I should've said how much I appreciated him, but now all I have is this...this stone in front of me along with my many memories I'll never forget. I can't forget them. Not Cassius. Not Beatrice. Not Hannah. Not Ares. They are family and I'll remember them for all eternity.

"I don't know if you can hear me anymore. I don't know if you all even care, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't ever there. I'm sorry for never caring. I'm sorry I was caught up in my own life. I'm sorry for everything. I'm completely stupid, and I regret it all, and I miss you all so much. Please help me. Please give me advice. I need it. I really need your all's help. I can't go on like the world wants me to. I can't pretend everything is okay. I can't wear a fake smile anymore. I'm so weak. I need you. Please help me." Tears stream down my cheeks as I lay my head on my knees. Every bit of pain I've ever felt hasn't compared to this. I don't know what to do anymore. My life is a mess, and nobody cares about me. Nobody understands that I don't want to train. I'm not like Apollo as he follows along in Ares' footsteps. I'm not like anyone else. I'm just me. I'm a career, but I have a heart. I'm not just some cold blooded killer the careers prove themselves as. Right now all I have left is the small memories of those who have gone on, and I have to hold onto them with every ounce of strength I have.

Please help me because I'm falling.

Narration 7f8e9d
Thoughts f2dec0
"Hearing 8c8ba9"
"Speech 81a296"
(other b5aa99)