No Parallels // Cato

Beads of sweat casually rolled down my forehead as I move away from the training towards a cooler holding water. Over the past bit, I've challenged myself. I've pushed myself further than I ever imagined, but I still have a way to go. It's only when I catch a glimpse of my reflection from the cooler, I notice the pain from my face. It's purple and black from the repeated blows towards it. My eyes are swollen and bloodshot, but the pain grows steadily as I realize how awful it looks. I look around the training center wondering if there's anything I can use to help. Anything to take away the pain quickly because I have to get back to training, and that's when my eyes rest on the first aid station. Surely they would have something to help.

I take one last drink from the bottle of water before heading over to the station. I can already here what the trainer for first aid will say. That I have to take it easy and let the bruising heal. No chance a break for me will happen. I need a quick fix before getting back to the combat stations. I enjoy the hand to hand combat here. Its definitely a challenge fighting new people. Learning different ways to attack. The things that can be done with a few combinations amazes me. A left hook followed by a right hand jab to the face is simple yet effective. Evne incorporating kicks from time to time can be rewarding. Letting loose a kick to the face when its not looked for can pay off. I could go on and on about the things I love about fighting without a weapon.

I've lost myself in my thoughts as I've arrived at the station looking for something simple. Maybe just an ice pack or something to cover my face for a bit before heading back. I already see one and extend a hand to take it when someone's voice addresses me. "You’ll want to try a cold compress for that. It should bring down the swelling. I doubt they’ll have these in the arena, but you never know." Looks like someone else has taken notice of how bad my face looks. What surprises me though that it's not the trainer's voice that address me, but the girl from eleven who I've turned around to get a good look at. I'm tempted to just blow off her comment, but seeing what she knows about first aid could come in handy. I know a decent amount, but everyone has different ways. I could learn something new. "Thank you. Didn't think of that really. I was looking for a quick fix like this ice pack here."

I can tell from the way she's stammering over her words that she didn't expect a career let alone me to show any kindness. Can't say I'm truly surprised seeing as we've built a reputation for being bloody killers. Ruthless and without mercy. Its unsettling that of all people in the pool of tributes who could be nice that it would be me. I need to distance myself from these people. It would be much harder to kill people when you know them. I don't think I could kill any of my friends back home. I know them on a very personal level and to take them away from their families would kill me. I'm a monster. That much I know. There's nothing stopping me from slipping away. Even now I can feel my inner blood-thirst.

Evidently people must see some measurement of good inside me. Allyssa visited me during the allotted time allowed for visitors. She didn't say much. Kyanite who I've been on bad terms for a long time also visited me. Of all the people in the district, she was one of those who visited. I wouldn't say we're friends in the slightest. Far from it. Still she chose to visit me when I've done nothing but be a jerk. If only those two knew the inner darkness I harbor inside me. There's no coming back on the path I've led myself on. I wish it wasn't so. My gaze falls upon the gloves I wear. Hand stitched by my brother shortly before I left on the train ride. A project he was working on and finished as reaping day came. I clench my fists at the memory of him visiting me.

"Neither did I. I'm not usually this nice. You could ask the entire district of two and they wouldn't say I'm a kind person. Far from it." I grab a ice pack and hold it to my head. Instant relief once the ice is over the bruises. I'll try the girl's suggestion once I'm away from the station, but for now there is things to be said. I must have done something if someone is showing kindness. It usually happens that way. Try to distance myself and someone pulls be back from the dark. "Why help me though? Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for the help. Its just I didn't expect anyone to help me."

Her words about what goes on in eleven give me pause. I don't want to be polite or kind only to turn around in the arena and kill. I want to keep up the presence I've built for myself. Cold and heartless. That's how people see me right? It's for that exact reason when I came over that I did not expect anything to be said to me. I don't how what to do here. I've already initiated conversation. Now we both stand here in silence working on the dummy and my bruises respectively. What's left to be said? She sees me as this heartless killer. I see myself as someone who will kill anyone in order to get home. My brother must love me if I got his hand-stitched gloves as a gift. I miss him so much and need to get home to make things right. Everyone has their reasons for getting home.

I can feel my eyes water a bit so to deflect attention away from that, I speak up. Her bandanna does intrigue me a bit. Must be her token of sorts. Kind of like the gloves are to me. Did she receive them as a gift like myself? I'll ask about that in a bit. "Back in two, its always day in and day out on who would want to volunteer for the games the most. I've spent every day training for this moment." So much of my life devoted to the games and for what? The opportunity to die in front of everyone. I've lost my brother because of my devotion to the career lifestyle. "I wish I could say there is kindness in me. There's only the blood-thirst. I'm sure you knew this yet you helped anyway. Is there something different about me? A few people saying goodbye back home thought so."

Which still puzzles me. I've treated people so wrong over the years and still get some goodbyes. The visits touched me even if I wont admit them to anyone. The only visit that wasn't surprise had been my family. So many words said without them being spoken. I could feel the unspoken words between my brother and I. Hopefully he understands what I've done. Devoting my life to for this moment. I don't want to die in the arena knowing he hates my guts. I can live with the thought of everyone in this world wanting me dead if I knew my brother has forgiven me. Not everyone here must hate me either. The woman next to me is evidence. She might be afraid yes, but willing to help me when she knows I could kill her in seconds? That warms what little there is of my heart.

What she says about seeing the good in everyone has me thinking back to my brother. He was similar to the woman standing in front of me. Always looking on the bright side. She wants to see good in me. I give a weak smile and open my mouth to speak but no words come out. I run my hand over my chest where my heart is. I have to disagree with her. I'm not a good person at all far from it. Her words seem sincere so I can't fault her one bit. This isn't some joke at all. She truly believes there might be good in me. Maybe she's right, but it would be buried under the many layers of darkness. I can not afford to be kind or nice when my entire life's goal is on stake. I'm here to win the games. To go home to a life of luxury and honor. That's what I've wanted for many years. Sacrificed friendships in order to get to where I am. If I could there would be less time to worry about the impending hour of death.

Killing is my own business. How right she is. To choose to take a life to actually want it is something still difficult for me to grasp. I want to win. Nothing will stop me. Not her, not Marc or anyone else here. So why do I feel guilty all of sudden? I don't want to feel this way. Very soon I will have to kill people. How can I do that when I know these people. Some of them I could be on friends with back. When she introduces herself as Katelyn, I feel obliged to response with my own name. "Name's Mason." Her good nature is infectious. Ten minutes or so of being around her and suddenly I feel guilty for wanting to kill. Being around her makes me feel so much different than a mindless drone bred for taking the lives of others.

I will need her to help keep me afloat. Need her to help keep the darkness at bay. "What do you say to an alliance? I could protect you in exchange for first aid. I could use someone like you Kate." The words slip out of my mouth before I know what's happening. She's from eleven though. They always seem to surprise in the games. Something tells me Kate will be memorable. Like Iago for what he did to that boy, or Crusader for being one of the most intimidating tributes in years. My gut tells me Kate will be memorable. I only hope I'm there with her.

"Not only do I already have allies, I don't want to enable you to kill tributes in the arena. The answer is no." Her words come off as an insult of sorts to me. If she isn't helping me to kill it'll be to help others to kill me. Maybe that's why she spoke up. Learn a few things about me. This is why I don't talk to anyone if I can help it. It always goes wrong. She looks terrified to have spoken the words. No hesitation on them either. I can feel my body shake slightly. The anger threatening to explode. Her words sting. "You say no huh. Don't want to help me kill. What about your allies huh! You think it makes a difference who you help! No it doesn't and don't say otherwise." Deep breathes. Need to cool down. Despite her saying no, I can respect her decision. She must not want to be associated with a cold-blooded career. Can't say I blame her.

I get an icepack for later. It'll be useless very shortly, but I want to keep a cool head. I'm kind of through with making enemies. I've never in my entire life been good at talking to people. Never had a reason to. I've rubbed people the wrong way. She reminds me too much of my brother. How can I want to kill someone who resembles my brother. I miss him so much. He's dealt with so much shit from me. I will not hold a grudge against her. If there was a way to change every bit of suffering I've caused him, I would take it. My brother is a good man. Full of life. Someone who deserves to live. Like Katelynn. I'm too far gone. That much is true. Katelynn? She doesn't deserve this. No one does I suppose. For Katelynn that holds true more than anything.

"I'm sorry. My brother always said I had troubles with my anger. You remind me a lot of him you know. Both always so nice. So pure. For what it's worth Kate, I can't kill someone like you. You're too good of a person to die." I don't know why I'm trying to keep things civil. In due time we may come face to face in the arena. I may not want to see her die, but ultimately I will not throw my life away for anyone here. I've been bred for one purpose. The hunger games. Anyone who's seen me here will know that. Everyone back home will be watching. I really wish I wasn't born in two. Hard to deny career training when that's what most If not the entire district wants people to do. "I'm not sure if there is good in me. Being from two will do that to a person."