Speak In Tongues :: [Train // Cricket + Mason]

I have much to think about after talking with Hedvig when we had lunch. She is definitely someone I don't want to cross if I can help it. Strong woman. Has to be to volunteer for something like this. We both know what's at stake. I think she has what it takes to come home. We had a good time eating lunch. I'm in my own compartment for awhile until dinner time is here. Not sure what to expect going in. The mentors didn't show up so I can only assume they will be at dinner. I'm not sure how to feel about meeting them. Everyone knows what Julian and Cricket can do. I'm much too afraid of talking with either of them one on one. Hedvig and I. How will we talk to them? Its different being taught things from an ordinary person at the academy when someone who has won it all will be teaching me.

I look out the window. So much I haven't imagined could be out there. The air flowing into the room is refreshing. Its giving me a sense of relief with my upcoming meeting of the mentors. I don't know what's going on through Hedvig's mind. If she feels at all like I do. It always seemed to easy back home. Training for the chance to be in the games. Seeing the victors and thinking I'd have no problem talking to them. How wrong I was. Here I am deathly afraid of meeting them. I stand up reluctantly when someone enters the room alerting me to the time. It'll do me no good being late. I will probably end up not impressing them one bit. How can I when they've mentored many tributes. One's that probably should have won it. A few deep breathes later, I make my toward the dining compartment.

The door opens and I can almost feel my heart stop. There in an armchair is Cricket. Her beauty so breathtaking that I can't look at her for more than a moment. I take a few steps trying not to make a fool of myself in front of when the sight of a large animal is resting at her side. I'm pretty damn sure my heart has stopped now. I give a courteous bow in her direction before taking a seat with a somewhat safe distance from the animal. If I was nervous before, I am most definitely afraid now. I'm in the same compartment as Cricket. So beautiful that it's hard to look at her. Then there's her pet animal. I say pet as who else would have the guts to keep something like that at her side. I can only hope I don't make a fool of myself.

"If you're scared of me, you're not going to last more than a minute. I'm not interested in your death." No. No she isn't. That's ok though because I will not die in the arena. Of course I'm scared of her. Who wouldn't when you come face to face with the winner of the hunger games. No... if anyone won't last a minute it'll be the tributes who dare try to fight me. I rise from my seat feeling an unexpected surge of confidence. "That's just it ma'am. If anyone won't last a minute, it will be whoever tries to fight me. I have no doubt in my mind that I will win." I feel like I just stepped into the frying pan. Raising my voice like that. My eyes fall upon the pet next to her. One wrong move and I can kiss my arm goodbye. Or all of me really.

The brief burst of confidence is now gone. Yeah she might not be interested in my death, but there is no one who could match me strength for strength. I finally sit back down a little bit embarrassed. Speaking out like that. Stuff like that will not earn me any favor. Already she must be wanting to focus her efforts on Hedvig. I wont admit it out loud, but the criticism of my mentors means a lot. It'll help me know if I stand a chance in the arena. They have had years to see many different kinds of tributes. If I feel like I'm worthless to them then how can I go into the arena thinking I have a shot? I can do this. I know it. Cricket not interested in my death. I'm still alive. Alive is what I will be when I kill the last remaining tribute and claim victory. I will not die.

"Don't want to focus on my death I get it. I'm not dead yet." About all I can say right now without embarrassing myself further. I just have to play to my strengths. Hand to hand combat. My biggest strength. Up close and personal. Anyone can learn how to use a weapon well enough. A knife? Stab and hope for the best. Throwing things? The same thing. Weapons like the sword and spear need a bit more skill. Hand to hand is where people never seem to focus on. What if you lose your weapon. All you will have left is knowledge on hand to hand. Something I've trained myself in. There is sometimes luck in involved. Has to be when surprising stuff happens. I trust in my own abilities. Enough to stand up to Cricket a moment ago. Could I do it again? Stand up to her? Probably not. Harsh words. I can feel them coming. I only hope I'm wrong.

"Don't worry about dying. None of this is about dying, Mason. Not you or anyone else." I'm not sure what she means by this. Not dying. That's just it isn't. It's all about it at least in the short term. Who makes it out of the bloodbath and who dies from the hunting at night. Maybe she's right. There's been plenty of death. We came face to face a bit ago. I still can not look her in the eyes without feeling my heart skip a few beats. How does one stare into the eyes of someone who's been through the arena and lived? I feel like one gaze too long will only make me embarrass myself further than I already have. Its why I had to sit down. I can't embarrass myself if I'm sitting down can I? I try to speak only no words come out. I've been reduced to a silent and embarrassed fool in front of the one person I didn't want to appear that way. I'm pathetic.

I almost forgot what she said about winning. A direct question about it. Do I want to win? Of course. Do I have a reason other than the typical career shit I've been fed for years? If she asked me that a week ago I would have said no. Now? My brother has given me reason. I hope to make him proud. I want to win for him. "I want to win. Not just for me anymore." I look at the glove I'm wearing. Hand stitched by Orion my brother. I love him. Its only taken me being reaped to realize that. The last of her words suddenly have meaning. Killing being too predictable. That's what everyone will expect of me. How can they not seeing me. Her words make me realize one thing. I'm going to be predictable. That will get me killed. "You're right. That must be why you're standing in front of me. Mentoring another mindless brute."

I can feel the hope I had in winning go down the drain. She's mentored stronger tributes. Smarter tributes. All I have going for me is brute strength. That hasn't won the games for many of the toughest tributes. So what hope do I have. I look Cricket in the eyes. Will not let her beauty intimidate me any longer. If I have no hope then I am a dead man. I'm the walking dead. I'll accept that now. Maybe I can finally make someone proud of me for once. My brother. He'll be watching. I will do my best to make it home for him. Cricket still very much intimidates me no matter how much I try not to. Still If she's here now that makes me feel better. That I'm not hopeless.

The show? Her words confuse me. Not sure what she means. They want blood? They'll get it. The Capitol don't care one bit for us tributes. The horrors that pop up each games are proof of that. Still I don't care if they feel a thing for us or not. I've been waiting for this moment for eight years. Eight long years for the chance to be in the games. "It should be about you, just not about anything before or after. When you're in there, you're all there is. Every breath. Every step. That's the mistake everyone makes — worrying about people who aren't there and things that haven't happened yet." Now I understand a little more about what she meant earlier. I remember the sixty-sixth games. Ares Pine. Up until John-Wayne, Ares had been the most memorable tribute in my mind. He had what it took. Escaped from the vines. Suffered very little damage. Killed the career who left him in the middle of the night. His own desire to win. To kill his ally caused his death. If he had thought about more than just killing maybe he would have won. Should have won. She's right. Of course she is. I'm beginning to understand now what she meant.

I don't know what else to think of though. I've went many years thinking the games were all about killing. If I've thought wrong than I've made so many mistakes in the past few years. Too worried about how to kill. What to kill with. Orion was right. I've been twisted into this machine and hadn't realized it. Even now I had been thinking about killing. What have I become? Cricket has been the help I expected. Just in a different way. I still want to win. I want to come home. I'll do whatever it takes to accomplish that. Not a soul reaped these games will prevent me leaving the arena alive. I will take her words and remember them deeply. I will not forget a thing that's happened so far. Her words will stay with me leading up to the arena. It still won't change the fact I desire victory. This time I have multiple things pushing me to victory.

She taps my chin and it takes everything I have to remain emotionless. Don't want to look embarrassed or anything. I narrow my eyes though. An additional attempt to not look stupid. She's helped me. I'll be grateful for that. I came into this compartment thinking I was a lost cause. She speaks up again and this time I soak in every word. Intent on keeping every word fresh in my mind. Be unforgettable. Those two words will definitely stick in my mind. "I will do just that. Be unforgettable? All of Panem will see the kind of show I can put on. Thank you ma'am. I hadn't thought about anything other than killing." Now I have other things to think about. More than I expected.