the other half { milli/diamond }

[emotions consume me]

I was always the good girl. I did my work, I passed my classes and yet I was still not noticed. I was still just a shadow to my dying other half. Just a blood bag in waiting. I squeeze my pencil hard, my eyes flashing with annoyance as the teacher went on and on about how x equalled 5 and about how we would need to know this in the future, but what bullshit was that? Where on earth would I have to use the equation of x equalling some bullshit number? I wasn't going to an engineer, I wasn't going to be some doctor, to be honest I probably wasn't going to be anything worth mentioning. My fingers are white now and my breathing is uneven as I hear my name begin called from the front of the room. 

My eyes dart towards the teacher, my lips dripping with venom. "What does x equal, Ariel?" She says in that matter a fact tone that all teacher have. Narrowing my eyes I climb to my feet, my hands dropping my pencil loudly, my feet taking a step away from my desk, then quickly guiding me from the room, "Time to leave, thats what x equals," and with that the door is closing behind me, the teachers angry yapping filling the hallways as I run, run as far away as I can from her high pitched voice telling me to get my ass back their, telling me that she is going to call my parents. The thought brings a smirk to my lips, let her call them, let her call them- at least they might notice me then.

With that I bust through the doors of the school, my footsteps no longer bouncing off walls around me but being eaten up by the open air. Only now do I stop, allow my racing heart and pounding chest to catch up. My breathing is uneven, and I take a moment to focus, my hands on my knees, my eyes closed as I breathe in the fresh air, as I allow my body to soak up the rays of the sun. 

After a moment my body begins to return to its normal state, my heart not racing, a steady pounding in my chest, my breathing back to normal. I open my eyes, to see the school oval before me, a field of green. Not often did I go to the oval, my time mostly being sent being dragged from school to home to the hospital to home to the hospital to school. Only a few times ha I actually found myself on the oval, but at those times it is full of students. Students kicking around a ball, or running around chasing each other, having fun. I often wanted to join them, but I knew that I wouldn't be allowed because what if I were to get injured? I would no longer be a reliable source to my sister and that could mean something crucial, so I always avoided the oval. Avoided people all together because that would make them happy- then they might notice me... and they did, for a little while... then she relapses and all the attention is on her again, my darling sister, the sponge to my life. 

Walking to the edge of the oval, my fingers fish around through my pockets for a moment, closing around the cigarette that lingered. Earlier that day I had brought it off the local drug dealer. He had been reluctant to sell to me at first, but after a few harsh words and threatening to expose him, he finally gave in, taking my money and giving me the joint. I hold it carefully know, sitting at the edge of the oval, my back pressed against the wire fence. Not often have I smoked, only a few times and those times I had done it at home, knowing that I would be caught instantly, the butt ripped from my hands before I even really had the chance to try. But no one would stop me here.

With a smile I pull out my lighter, lighting the end carefully before taking in a deep breath, the toxic substance filling my mouth, filling my lungs.