A New Life [Rade VT]

I expected something different. She says my brother mentioned me in the training center. While I expected some sort of interaction between them due to the training, I didn't expect myself to be brought up. All my brother has cared about for the past few years was the games. Nothing but the games. What has stung about him being buried in the ground? That I didn't know how much. He changed in front of my eyes. Slowly but surely the man I looked up to disappeared. Lost forever to the careers. They sicken me. Wanting to train for the sport of killing.

Yet he cared enough to see me before leaving.

I knew that some small part of my brother was still there. Struggling to be himself and not what he was told to be. That's when his training score was given. Next came the interview. Once again the brutal monster came back in full force. An eleven? One of the highest numbers given in a long time. Ripred knows what he did to get such a number. Any number of things could have been done. In the end his eleven did more to harm him than good. Nearly everyone attacked him in the end. All but his allies and Katelyn.

Why?

That had been one question that stuck in my mind. Six people standing against him. Most struck him down. Only the girl from six didn't attack and probably due to him being dead before given the chance. Katelyn? Not once did she appear to look in my brothers way. I have to find out why. Knowing my brother, he must have made himself a target in their eyes. Not Katelyn.

I look at the axe I'm carrying. I put it behind my back before approaching the victor to show I mean no harm. This axe while feeling foul and disgusting in my hands represents the only thing I have left of my brother. I'll treasure this for as long as I breathe. However long that might be. After walking a ways away, I turn toward Katelyn. No malice in my eyes. Only a burning desire to find out what I want to know.

"That's quite a shock. He cared only for the games. Thought he'd make himself a target. Evidently he did judging by the feast." The memory of his death too much to bear. Seeing him struck down by multiple people. A tear forms, but I wipe it away before addressing her once again. "You didn't attack him. Why?"

Her words about my brother approaching her for help didn't surprise me all that much. He surely saw something in her or he wouldn't have approached her at all. What does surprise me is what he said about Katelyn reminding him of myself. That my brother had any thoughts of me at all is the surprising part. Refusing to attack someone? Now that is a part of my brother I've not seen in many a year. I knew there was some kindness left in him. The fact that he showed it is the shocking bit.

She tenses up evidently seeing the axe as a reminder of her time in the arena. I feel the weapon's weight in my hands. The very weapon that's taken many lives be it muttation or human. Her tense expression leaves me one thing left to do. Get it out of reach and out of her sight. I turn around with a heavy heart and fling it in the opposite direction. A brief flashback of my brother killing the girl from twelve stabs at my heart. "Its all I have left of him. Even if it's a constant reminder of death. Somehow I feel like he's with me."

How could anyone kill another human?

I could never do it. Take another life that is. I'm from one of the career districts. I should be more like my brother. Thing is I don't want to nor will I ever become like him. Every human life is worth saving including those that lose their way. I'll step down if I ever am reaped for the games. There's plenty of bloodthirsty killers.

I however refuse to be one.

I turn around toward her again. She interacted with my brother. Saw in him some sort of good. Said that he cared for more than just the games but didn't want anyone to know. That's not like him. I'm glad at least someone knew the good inside of him. If only a small part that is. "He really said that? I.... don't know what to say. He was a monster here in two. Feared by many. Even I feared him."

I don't know how to respond to her question. She's killed three people that there is no denying. Is the a monster for doing so? There's a difference between what she did. My brother? He killed only one person. He chose to do it. Trained for nearly half his life for the opportunity to kill people. Katelyn? It's not my place to judge her on the deaths of innocents. The one's she killed struck first. The girl from three swung at her. She only did what she had to in order to protect herself. The mad man from nine jumped her. As did the woman from seven.

Self defense.

That's all I can associate Katelyn with. Never from what I saw did she attack first. I didn't see any innocent from my brother or his pack. Always did they strike first when able. They were a menace. Not at all right. Katelyn is pure of heart. Mason had been full of malice and blood-thirst. I'll always miss my brother. Had he been here in Katelyn's place though, he would have killed so many more than he did.

I eye the axe off in the distance. Fresh tears forming in my eyes. There's no question about it. Katelyn is not a monster. I turn toward her to say as much. "You're not a monster. Not like most of the careers here in two. You killed three yes. You did it in self-defense. Not like my brother. He went into the games with the intent to kill. He relished the chance to end life. You are not like him. Not a monster in my eyes."

I can only begin to imagine the survivor's guilt she must be feeling. Of the twenty-four to go into that icy hell, she made it out alive. Nothing I or anyone else in Panem can change how she must feel. She asked me if she is a monster. I don't see a monster in front of me. What I see is a human full of pain and suffering. I only wish I could help in some way. After she leaves the district it'll be the last time we ever speak to one another. Not unless I myself am reaped. I'd follow in my brothers footsteps if that were to be the case. Dead and soon to be forgotten by all.

Except me.

I knew this conversation wouldn't last forever, but somewhere inside I didn't want her to leave. She knew him. She saw him on his last day. She had a chance that I didn't. I was stuck at home watching from the screen where she was there in person. I want her to stay here by my side and tell me stories of my brother's final journey throughout the arena because in a strange way it brings me peace, but soon it'll be me again. Just me. Alone wondering what life would be like if he returned home. I know one thing. Life won't be the same without Mason. He won't pester me to train along with him or anything anymore because he can't. And it hurts deep inside. It's a wound I have no idea how to heal.

My name. The most well known person in Panem wants to know my name. I'm just another person that'll pass by in her life never to be seen or heard from again. Out of all the people in Panem, Cricket, Julian, Opal, Colgate, Patricia, any other victor someone this girl should associate with wants to know me. I'm just another person. Someone who has no meaning. Someone that she'll forget before she arrives at the next district. Why not ask the name of a victor? Someone she'll remember for her entire life. I would ask for their name, but she's different. She asked for mine. My name instead of those she should want to know. Maybe she's different from them all. "Orion. The one who's rejected the career lifestyle." I say the words with a weak smile. Don't think anyone understands my decision to do that yet here I am.

I sigh. Memories of my brother flashing before my eyes. Meeting one last time in the justice building. His interview after getting his score. The bloodbath. His only kill. Finally his death. I eye the victor in front of me. Its hard to believe my brother showed anything other than his ferocity to his fellow tributes. Still Katelyn said he wasn't a monster. A victim of the games. That he was. Long before being reaped. "I should be angry with you. You're here alive while my brother now lies under a pile of dirt in a box. Thing is I don't hate you. Nor am I angry. I may never get over my brother's death, but I am happy for you Katelyn." I hope she doesn't fall victim to the grief she'll carry for the rest of her life. She's not what I expected. I've been born in the wrong district evidently. I admire what district eleven has done the past few games. "I'm sure you'll ask yourself this. Why? Well I'd reply with this. Because all life is precious." I give her a smile and offer a handshake in an attempt to show sincerity.