Leenaly Lily Amaya | District 2 | {FIN}

My hair is long, and wavy, my bangs slightly clipped. My eyes are bright blue and I have a few dimples. I admit, I'm not the tallest but I could say perhaps average sitting around 5'5". I don't really like talking about my weight but I'll let you know I'm over 100 llbs.
My breasts as well or of average size and I have a nice curve. My cheekbones are high and all.  I enjoy wearing comfortable clothes. Sweatshirts and a t shirt. I always have a gun strapped to my side and spare bullet in my shoes.
If I do wear skinny jeans, I always wear combat boots. WIth these I have knives hidden in them. They fit on the inside of my boot, outwards around my ankles, in a pocket that was handcrafted for me. The spare bullets sat in the heal of my boot, which was made hollow with little sockets for extra bullets. Never much but better then nothing. I always wear a leather jacket, which is my fathers. 

What I hate about my body is that my right eye is slightly smaller then my left, which is really bothersome when putting on makeup when needed. I always have to put eyeliner thicker on my right eye then my left to make them look even. When I'm tired it's significantly smaller, noticeable too. It is what annoys me so much. My fingers are long, like piano hands, but my palms are broad, which is not attractive as a woman.

Personality:

My personality is more of a boy. I love to run, I love sports. I hate dresses and skirts and I just love everything boys love. Except girls. Sports were my specialty, running obstacles and dodging was my best. Combat, I enjoyed sniping, which was my best skill. I couldn't chase very well even though I loved running and was good and running away  and through obstacles. I could get anyone from high up, in a sniping position, with anything. Bow and arrow, a gun, a knife. But this, was all my parents told me I had to love I had to enjoy. That I truly did but maybe that's because it was forced upon me and it was all I did since a young age.

I'm a bit of a submissive girl you could say, I follow orders and I carry out what is excpected of me. My parents beat into me that I wouldn't have a life to call my own, the capitol owned it. All of the adults were of the capitol. I wouldn't own myself until I become an adult or win the games. I hated being under control but after a beating from the peacekeepers, I realized that that was true. The games enslaved us, the capitol controlled us with fear. Yes, I may be a career and I may be so called 'eager' to join the games I wasn't. I hated the capitol. But I follow through orders and I myself don't know my own personality. I do what others forge me to do.

I had to spy once, for my parents. They sent me to a girls home. They wanted me to take town my mother's rival who was striking down on my parent's business. They gave me a profile and told me to follow it. After I had spied to my parents heart's content, they praised me. That's when I realized I didn't even know myself. School wasn't a good place either. It was a twisted place where you are just to follow directions. Lunch is just another task. You could say I was abused by my parents, but I was never quiet sure.

These thoughts of mine may never quiet be my personality, for I not know myself. My task in my life is to discover who I am and what to become. Who I want to be who I can't be. Of who the capitol will make me into and what I can make myself be.

As I said, I could've been abused by my parents I was never sure. All I know is that it was never physical abuse, it could've been verbal. But then again, I always listened to them.

I was born into a normal home with a normal family. My childhood was full of learning and heavy expectations. My mother tutored me. Every night before bed she'd always say 'remember you are not to be yourself. the capitol owns you, you are to become of what they make you.' I guess this is why I do not know myself. My parents started to forge me into a mindless slave from a young age. I cannot tell the difference in between abuse and caring corrections. My personality is not of existence but of profile. My parents will hand me a profile everyday and I always had to practice that personality, acting upon it, all my descisions based upon it. At night I would fall asleep with an empty mind, no thoughts.

Punishment is of rarity for me, except for when I was younger, when I cried my mother would scream curses until I quieted, When I was hurt and complained my parents neglected me until I had shut up. Everything always had to be in order. An ideal and current punishment they use now is that I had to be locked in my room with only a pitcher of water for a day. No food, no entertainment. This punishment was used quiet a number on me as a child. I don't remember most of those days but I remember that in every minute, my thoughts seemed to cease and I couldn't think, and I would only follow.

Nowadays, in my hormonal state of mind, I can think a bit more for myself, discovering who I am ever so slowly. My thoughts in my head slowly coming back but not fast enough. I am what I believe is still a mindless drone my parents made me. I can't help but immediately follow orders given. I still have a hard time processing my own . .. . . .thoughts . . .