Rayna Joaquin-Jay D9 {fin}

Broken promises. That's all I ever heard since I was born. Mommy and Daddy said they loved me. They said they cared for me and my brother, yet they didn't. They hurt us over and over. Destroyed us. Mommy always said I was worthless. And that I didn't belong. One day she hurt me so bad, and daddy just stood there laughing. He laughed and laughed. When I ran up to hug him, he hurt me too. Smashing his fist into the side of my head. I never understood what I did to deserve it. Mommy kept trying to calm me down. She kept trying to make me feel better, but I didn't want to see her. I always did what she wanted.

I never caused any trouble. Never broke anything. Never did anything wrong. I stayed out of their way because I thought it was what they wanted, yet they always found me. No matter where I hid. I could hide in the darkest rooms, but they would find me. I heard them coming. Angry feet pounding against the ground, and I held my brother's hand. I was so scared. Always so scared. He made me strong. He picked me up. He always tried to take most of the pain for me. It never worked. It only made them angrier. Mommy and daddy hated us. I could see it inside them as I begged them to stop and leave me alone. Please. Please make it stop. It hurts, but all the tears only brought on more. I learned quickly not to cry. Just stand still and take it.

Eventually all the pain stopped. Every bit of it. Broken bones. Shredded muscles. Cracked ribs. I felt all of it and eventually my mind blocked out the pain. Made it something else. Swollen cheeks. Black eyes. Fat lips. It went on so much that my body was numb. Breathing hurt. It felt unlike anything I ever felt in my entire life. My lungs screamed for air. My brother stood over me. Protecting me like mommy and daddy should've done. They should've loved me. Cared for me. For him. He eventually fell on top of my body. Shielding it from whatever was about to come, but it never worked. Never changed anything because they'd throw his limp body and find me. And I didn't cry in that moment, but in a matter of seconds my body turned limp as the light faded away.

And the next thing I remember was waking up here in a home where so many other children are. Strange being here. All of them look at me laughing. Pointing fingers. Saying I won't ever get out of here. That I won't ever get adopted or anything. That I'll be here until I turn eighteen. Eleven years away. Don't want to stay here forever, but don't want to be out on the streets when I turn eighteen because then I'm a legal adult. It's hard staying here. Living with these people. Even the adults don't like me. All of them remind me of mommy and daddy. They said the house burn down, and that mommy and daddy died in the fire. It's a good riddance, and I should feel sad for them, but I don't because they lied so many times.

Sometimes people point fingers at all the deformed bones I have. My legs are crooked, and I can't stand up straight, and I hobble when I walk. My arms are shaped in odd angles, and I know it's not supposed to be like that, and they love pointing fingers at the burn scars. They're ugly, and they aren't afraid to remind me. For a while, I just stood there and took the insults. I let them pick on me and bully me because it didn't matter. Been through it so many times already that my brain just doesn't see them as a threat, and I wouldn't cry because I can't cry anymore. I withdrew from them. Standing in the back of the lines, eating by myself. It was alright when my brother was here because he sat with me all the time, and he protected me, but someone came and took him away, and I haven't seen him since. He left me alone, and I feel it every single day.

They keep calling me ugly, and I want to make it true. I won't let anyone brush my long red hair, and it's all matted together into knots, and it's greasy. It plasters against my face covering my brown eyes. My nose is just as crooked as my other bones, and my teeth are dirty and stained yellow. Just the other day I lost a tooth; just another reason for the others to laugh at me. To make fun of me. Some of them even hit me, and I scream at the top of my lungs and cower in a dark corner. Seeing a fist coming at me brings back memories. Please mommy stop. Please. Please. Please. I always hope with everything inside of me that someone would come and save me. Take me away from this horrible place because I want to go. My brother is somewhere, and now he's not here. I need him.

I hate people. I don't want to be around them. I don't trust them because they lie. They deceive in so many ways, and sometimes I wish it wasn't true. That they did care. That someone did notice me, and I cause trouble. I break things because in my mind it's the right thing to do. Never breaking nothing growing up only caused the pain, and now that I'm here, they make pain for everything, and they won't explain what I did wrong. I throw things. I yell at people. I hit them because mommy and daddy hit me. I try to do what they did because maybe if I became like them, they'd love me. They'd take me back home. They'd teach me to become the person every human should be growing up. It might be worth it. To see them again, and my brother.

It doesn't take much, though, especially as a tiny plate of food is placed before me every single day. And they expect it to last. My ribs are already showing, and my stomach is eating my backbone, and it begs for food. Constantly growling. After a while, it's all gone away. Every single bit of it because it's what I'm used to. When I saw my own reflection, it didn't surprise me at all. It's no wonder nobody wants me because I'm the ugliest person in the world. The one that nobody cares about. One day I'll be on the streets eating garbage like the street rats roaming the district because I live in a world where there's no hope. All it is, is a bunch of liars.