the journal entries in honor the best friend anyone can have

the journal entries in honor the best friend anyone can have Jun 30, 2015 18:42:10 GMT -5

Post by arctic on Jun 30, 2015 18:42:10 GMT -5

kameron v e n n

the bloodbath (intro)

The words escaping from the escorts mouth had said a name that made it definitely seem like being reaped was some kind of other sorcery. It might just be the drugs talking right now, but hearing that my own brother and best friend, Geo Venn, had been reaped; it felt like sorcery. My breath had been taken away, it was like I was underwater and I could not suffice from it and it was swallowing me further, down down I would sink until I was to the bottom where breathing seemed useless; because my body had been frozen like ice and life would be useless to have by now. I cannot move. I am frozen in time; a piece in life confused why he of all people had to be reaped. How was it possible? The male that has grown to be my half brother and a best friend for years is going to die. ~~It is because of me.~~ It felt crazy, wicked, inhumane that he had the possibility to kill someone or be killed. It was magic. Sorcery. I swear.

He was too fragile; it seemed too crazy for him to be reaped but somehow he was. However I or he won’t tripp up. Neither of us will mess up because it’d screw the both of us up. Somehow we both know that we’re up to something; though now the only thing I know he is doing now is a dance with death.

It seemed stupid to feel and worry this much. It really did. But I was about as stupid of an idea as a thirteen year old kissing a eighteen year old who is already in a relationship right before her boyfriend kisses her too. Why am I mentioning all these random ideas and thoughts and even fucking up the spelling of a simple word? ~~It’s the drugs. I can promise you.~~ It’s just I have too many words to describe my feelings right now. The words have probably drowned with me, sinking to the bottom of the ocean and god knows what beasts can be held down there ~~besides the newfound species of Kameron Venn~~.

Is it silly to be drowning as a body of ice? Frozen, unable to move. I cant' seem to erase myself from this spot due to the fact my best friend and the most amazing rolemodel I have ever met in my life is inside that building. And in two weeks; he'll either be dead or alive. ~~Let's face it; he's as good as dead.~~ But I don't want to come to conclusions like that, not at all. Maybe I should just kill myself if he dies; I have nobody else I care about right? Not my parents, not anyone else in Panem. ~~Not even the weed.~~ If I kill myself I'll be with him. I don't need to be alone without anyone to care about. But if he wins he'll be someone different.

Someone better than me.

I feel the ice is cracking, each loud crack roars in my ear, or maybe that is the blood roaring in my ear. The ice cracks again, sending shivers through my body. The ice is my heart. Cold, melting and about to crack. Each crack brings my heart to pound harder and harder. It's horrifying. Almost as if it were a bloodbath. However, this is no game of killing. This is a game of living.

Crack. My heart cracks more as I realize death might be creeping up towards me more than it is with Geo.

Crrrrrack. It breaks more and more. It's like a dam about to break, except it's the source of my own life breaking and I am about to release myself into a horrid life of being alone. A peacekeeper yells at me. I have no idea how long I've been standing here; however I don't care. I am a pinata for all of the peacekeepers to attack; I will hang above them, I will hang here as this ocean of a heart is overflowing.

I break.