they underestimated me, and i tested them.

Post by thompson harvard - d2b - arc on Jul 1, 2015 17:10:21 GMT -5

tristyn seering

Now that I think about this, I'm the most idiotic person in the world. Of course that doesn't surprise most people; I'm an idiot. It's for everyone and anyone to know and quite honestly I think I deserve to be sinking to the bottom fo the ocean right now. Let's recap the events that had led me to this time and place, shall we? To start it off, my friends had told me it was impossible. Though I knew, well- thought I knew that it was possible. Though the fact of swimming all the way across the ocean and to still land back at panem was a highly doubtful thing because there was probably hundreds, thousands of miles between point a and point b. However the thought of being able to cross the ocean seemed impossible; being myself I was always looking for somethign to do.

So, one day I had left. Ran away from the district and past twelve and past everything and everyone until I was moments away from drowning. I was already deviously tired and weakened by my lack of sleep since I had only rested a few times on my way here. But I was going to do it; tired or not. Stepping into the ocean, it was cold. It was cold and I wanted to get out; but once I make decisions I do not go back. So I continued. Eventually I had gotten used to the cold water after standing there for a while and dumping my body under once.

It was time to start what I thought would be the most amazing thing in my life. I thought it would give me glory and fame. And this is surely not anything close to fame or glory.

The swimming had lasted for a little bit, only fifteen minutes before I had started to really get tired. But I kept swimming. Despite being tired I wanted to do this; and if I died at sea I didn't care because I would have died by that time. But as each paddle had passed through, the more slower and less enthusiastic they started to get. Until I had stopped and all I was doing was just trying to stay afloat; and the lack of energy I had made that difficult by itself. It wasn't long before I had first dipped underwater as a full, and my body had turned into alert mode. I was thrashing, pushing myself up to try and stay above water but I had gotten up to take a breath of air as gravity pulled me back down under quickly. 

I had always thought that since I was from district four I would be a great swimmer automatically; and this was changing my perspective a lot. I tried to push myself up with my arms, little success and major failure was involved in it. I could die. I might. I would.

I was thrashing around crasily; trying to get up and above water to keep from the water entering my lungs and casuign me to dorwn. I would not die. I wouldn't. I can't. Yes I can. I couldn't move all of the sudden. It was like I was paralyzed. I was sinking, sinking down down I went, sinking as if I were tied to an anvil and the only direction I knew to go was down, towards the ocean floor where my body would rot and turn into bones and tattered clothes. All because of my damn stupidity.

I kept sinking for a long time. I had no idea when I'd die but dear ripred I wish it was now. I can only wish the end of my life would come sooner than it already is now. Waiting while sinking to the ground and the bottom, a tank of oxygen stored in my running out as I sink starts to sputter. It coughs, wheezes sputters and spurts. And it's out. I've run out of breath. I need to breath but I can't. It claws at me, teases me and daring me to take in the water, let it fill my lungs and telling me to let myself die and get through this hell because it hurts so damn much already.

It hurts. And it is almost like a dam, I want to break, I want to release and overflow and empty until there is nothing left of me but there's a part in me that wants to keep me alive too.  I want to fight back, I want to say no to the water and I want to swim back up but I'm still frozen in my spot as I sink. It hurts. I want to-- more I am crying, but the water coming off of my eyes just blend in with the water surrounding me. I struggle. I want to break free of the damn chain holding me in this spot and chained to the anvil that still is pulling me under.

I'm screaming in my mind, telling, commanding, shouting at myself to move and try and survive this hell but it's no use. I give into the water, it has teased me enough and I give into its burning hatred for me.

The water starts filling my lungs automatically; I can feel it. it's almost like I'm a bottle of water and it's filling me up, farther and farther until it's too much and it'll overflow; except my lungs are already going to overflow. They'll collapse from being filled too much. I am like a balloon; I can pop at any second and I'll just turn into nothing, tattered pieces of something- someone that once was flying. I am a bottle, and I'm filling to the cap? Can I overflow? I think not.

It's almost funny, how I can move for the last second of my life before I pop. Maybe it's so my torn pieces can scatter.