Ilya Ducatur, D2, FIN

When I look into the mirror, who I see staring back at me is almost ideal, at least on the outside. I stand five feet and eleven inches tall, and though I am slender, it is the sort of slender comprised of wiry muscle under my almost flawless skin. I am not the strongest, but I am usually the fastest. Nothing hard on the eyes here (and, no, I don't believe in false modesty): I have jade green eyes, medium brown hair that I wear short and styled, a slighty quirky but nice nose, high cheekbones, full lips.



I'm wearing the clothes I wear when ever I am not in school or training: dark colors, usually, a tailored jacket and some black thing underneath it. Tailored pants, also dark, and boots, black ones, the sort that lace up the front. When I am in school (ugh!) I wear the uniform, and then when I am training, of course I wear excercise gear. I have a single item of jewelry that I wear, a gold ring with a ruby set in it; it is a family heirloom passed down from father to son. I also have a scar on my throat where another Career boy cut me and almost killed me with a sword he claimed to think was dulled. It's jagged and red, right across my neck.

I am what they call tightly wound, which means I tend to lose my temper easily. True enough. I try to work on being kind, to those smaller and younger than me, particularly, though I can't say I always succeed. I know, though, that I am always nice to my sister, Rose. She means the world to me. I am, believe it or not, actually ridiculously shy, though you'd never know since I have worked hard since I was a little kid to overcome that trait by overcompensating with extrovert behavior. I didn't really have a choice, not with the mile-high expectations my parents have for me.



Okay, I guess that factor has determined a lot of my personality: I always strive to be the best, the fastest, the most daring, the smartest. I can't stand weakness, particularly my own, and I beat myself up hard when I fail myself, which I still don't know if it's productive or not, because it makes me try harder, but it also means I am walking around feeling like shit most of the time. I always come up short at school, too, though that I can cut myself a break on because it's not from lack of intelligence, but from school being the one thing where I really could not care and thus don't try.



I mean, my future is not going to be determined by school, not much: either I will volunteer as tribute next year, or, if someone else gets there ahead of me, I am going to the academy to become a peacekeeper. I make sure my grades are at least good enough that I can do that, too. I think I would make a deadly, badass tribute but maybe I'd be a good peacekeeper, too: I find fairness important and try to view things logically, and, as I've proven as I've trained to one day participate in the Hunger Games, I can take orders.

My parents are Nicho Decatur, retired peacekeeper, and Annuiette, my mother, who is a scientist for some projects so secret she can't even talk about them at home; she is much younger than he is because he waited, of course, to retire before marrying her and having children. And, of course, my sister Rose, who is nine. One thing I never want for Rose is for her to be in the Games, she is a much gentler person than I am, and she would be dead meat, but fortunately, ours isn't the sort of family that has to sign up for tesserae, and if she was chosen anyhow, some other career girl would volunteer for her. So I try not to worry about that, too much, though I am very protective of Rose: I have scaared the crap out of some would-be bullies at school who decided (briefly) to pick on my little sister.



My parents fight, a lot, often over me, and so, sometimes, our house is not the most pleasant home. They stay married though, though I can't exactly figure out why. I am closer to my dad than my mom, even though they both are just about impossible to please, and sometimes I feel like telling them both to fuck off, though I never do: I mostly keep my 'teenage rebellion' bottled up inside. I was the one who decided I wanted to train for the Games, when I was just a kid, but my parents didn't exactly fight me hard on that one; I think they get off on having a son who potentially will win the Games. Though my dad, at least, stresses the backup plan, and I know he'd be proud if I followed in his footsteps.



I have had a couple girlfriends, and one boyfriend - I like girls and boys both - but I never really have fallen in love with anyone. I know, because it feels kind of empty, like I am just going through the motions to get the 'prize'. Right, at least I am not a virgin if I get into the Games and then die. I am secretly romantic, which no one knows about me, though, and I wish there would be a someone truly special for me. But that's all it is: a wish. I doubt it will happen. I also know that I could be very well volunteering for my own death when I volunteer for the Games, and I doubt, sometimes, if I should carry it out and do so - I'm scared when I consider it, something else I would never let anyone else know about me. Don't want them to think I'm chickenshit - possibly even to the point of dying to prove I'm not. Thanks, mom and dad, for those impossible standards you molded into me.