find me in the shallows { letos }

This home is deathly quiet and I can't stand the sound of ghosts.

(Ghosts aren't real.)

Of course I was never one for superstition but I was one for rumour and lies. I still am. I lie as often as I breathe and I wonder if anyone has caught on to the fact that I loiter around the docks with Nino or turn away at talk of Tags' dodgy friends with paper bags and paper skin, so easily ripped or burnt of destroyed. Lying is easy and the truth can be a double-bladed sword ready to stab me in the chest as I pull back my bow and fire reality into the hearts of others. 


It's getting harder to choose between what is right and what is easy.

I turn a blind eye to my sister's suffering and trace the hallway walls, fingertips dancing against shadows and pretending the breeze floating through the air is compromised of lost souls and transparent memories playing over and over again.

(Ghosts aren't real.)

The wind changes and I smell the sea.

(I miss you.)

(I love you.)

I smile at the current in my chest - no longer a flood spilling through my ribcage. Nowadays it is a high tide kissing the shore, kissing my cheek, saying goodbye, I'll see you again soon. Through friends and patience and throwing myself into the ocean I have learnt to calm the sea inside and empty it dry, filling up the space with porcelain tiles and bottle caps and bleeding knuckles. There is more to life than heartbreak and bitterness. Soon enough you have to drag yourself out of your tsunami state and return to the shallows of your world. I am myself before I am anyone else and I am stronger than a force trying to drown out the girl that lives inside my skin.

A different kind of current runs through my veins and it is tainted red. Another runs through my sisters as an ocean of blue.

Salt stains my skin and the sun hides behind the clouds. There is no hesitating, no apologies, no soft words or cautious steps. I am her protector and I should not be afraid to face her.

With a purple heart I open her door and breathe in the surface of her agony, not saying a word.

WE'VE BEEN LIVING LIKE ANGELS AND DEVILS
REALISED YOU AND I ARE IN THE SAME BOAT