as seen on tv{ems}

For a while the world spun around faster and faster slowly falling back into place because nothing had changed. Pain quickly became a reality, yet it wasn't controlling my life like it once had. Hidden in the depths of my veins was a healing mechanism. Laughter of sorts. Paintings with blood stained tears slowly became a painting with no tears and no blood stains until happiness gently crept across the corners of the person's face turning the frown into a smile that someone hasn't seen in awhile.

Yet today only reminded me how life was so frail.

A year ago Lily volunteered for the games. Day after day I watched her journey throughout the entire arena as she fought against stronger tributes, yet it wasn't enough. The tiny girl fell victim to the arena only returning home in a casket sized perfectly for her. If a year anniversary wasn't enough, my heart sank deep into the pits of my stomach when Paige volunteered for someone else entirely. Biting my lip, I feel the blood pooling inside my mouth. A warm, metallic liquid runs across my tongue, but it leaves me broken. My hands ball into fists, and all I want to do is yell at her begging her to stop because she's acting foolishly, but her decision was made. It was far too late to stop her, and now she wasn't safe.

As the crowd leaves the district square, I march towards the justice building. Blood boils inside my body while tears slide down the corners of my face. My cheeks burn. The world is silent. All I can hear is the constant thud of my heart beating inside my chest. Each step grows faster and stronger until I'm standing at the door waiting to go inside. Moving past the peacekeepers, they show me where she is, and they tell me I only have a short amount of time. Time means nothing anymore. Not when I'm about to watch Paige be torn to shreds in the games like I watched Lily.

Bumping into the door, I push it open and barge inside. My first instinct is to yell at her. To ask her what the hell she was thinking, but it doesn't feel right. All I can do is stand there with the door to my back staring at her. Maybe I shouldn't have come here today. Maybe I should've left and gone home to lock myself away for hours upon hours, but here I am. Inhaling softly, I move towards her. Step by step, inch by inch, until I'm right behind her.

"Why Paige? Why?" My voice cracks as the words fall into the air, and once again I'm falling into an abyss. Only this time, I don't think anyone can save me.

As she walks towards me, every single bit of anger I once felt has flown away. It feels unreal that I'm staring at her in the same room Lily sat in last year when she volunteered. The same curtains. Same everything. A wonderful masterpiece. Something that every loves and cares about, but Paige... My thoughts stop in their tracks. Her volunteering was a slap in the face, and any reasoning for it must not be heard because in the end it's nothing. It's gone. Trapped. Broken away from the earth falling hard to the ground. Leaving the rest of the world behind. But the tears fall freely as she wraps her arms around me carefully. Soon the tears will be stained red once more.

"Because...Because I wanted to be as brave as Lily." Once again she presses firmly against me, and it's this moment I want to hold onto forever. To keep myself alive. To keep myself from falling apart like everyone else in the entire world. A lump forms in the back of my throat as I try to fight away the tears and pain surging through me. What can one say to someone who's most likely going to die? Lily was brave. She fought well. It's my only hope that Paige can do the same.

For a brief second the anger flows back. Lily had a choice. Paige had a choice. They both made it. They both volunteered for the stupid games, but as soon as it comes on it flies away. I can't be angry at Paige right now. Not when she's crying. Not when she needs me the most. "Paige, you are brave." My voice cracks as the words fly from my lips.

"You are brave."

It feels like an entire lifetime is flying in front of me right now. These last few moments could possibly be all that remains. Right now, Paige needs me, but I also need her. I want her to know that I'm here for her. That I'm never going to leave her, and that she'll always have something to think about. Something to hold onto. Family is important. It's the most important aspect of life, and it feels like the world falls apart when someone goes away.

Lily volunteered. She was brave. She fought well. She never gave up. Paige volunteered. It takes a lot of courage to run towards the stage taking the place of another saving them from the disasters lurking before them. But it hurts. And hearing Paige cry like this, feeling her tears soaking the fabric of my shirt, breaks my heart into thousands of pieces. All I want to tell her is she shouldn't have volunteered, yet it's too late. What's done is done.

"Paige, listen to me." Swallowing the lump in my throat, I allow words to break free. "You are strong. You are brave. You really are brave. You've held on this long. You are a competitor. A force to reckon with. Think about what all you've accomplished over the last few weeks. The highland games. Everything. You've kept going." Tears continue running down my face, but I stop for only a moment. "Paige, you are one of the strongest people I've ever met." If she believes it or not, it's what I hold true because right now I have on reason to lie. No reason to try to deny what's happening. Instead all I can do is offer encouraging words and pray they help.