end of everything(open)

You failed. You failed. You failed you miserable example of human beings. The voices whisper in my ears, speaking to me as if I am a plaything of theirs to do as they wish. The voice, they came to me in the night upon a wind, seeking me out as if they were a nightmare, but they are more of an everytime mare. They talk to me as I sleep, as I eat, as I breath. They say they will always be with me now, with me for the rest of my life, with me to make sure I don't fail again, to make sure I stay the quiet little girl in the corner my whole life. They tell me they want to help me not fail again, but their true voices push me down, force me to fail again and again.

They came after Kia died. Whispering at my thoughts, telling me that I failed to save him, which I did. Every year after that they came back louder and louder as I tried to push them away. I kept failing to raise my arm, to raise my arm and say that I volunteer. I failed again. It was just yesterday now, and I can still remember it clearly as when the tributes left the stage. At the point in time after I failed to volunteer for the girl, Odile, my head started to be assaulted by a the voices, whispering to me that I was a nothing, a nobody. As much as I tried to push them out with my mind, I could no longer bear the force of the attack on my mind, and the seeped past the cracks that I tried to hold them in with.

I remember as this happened, the cheerful voices floating up to my room as my father threw a party for the other rich people of district three that none of his children were reaped. The first voice I had heard that night whispered harshly in my head as I listened to the cheerful clamor of Porsche who I love so much. Do you think that they really care for you? You were adopted because someone threw you away because you weren't good enough. That one voice allowed me to let pass my guard all of them, filling my head with an awful clamoring ruckus of voices all shoutung at me. That was when I forced myself down to my pillow, and forced my mind into a sleep to escape the voices, but they still came in the night, always yelling at me for everything I was doing wrong.

I remember the dreams that plagued me in the night, of Kia coming back to haunt me and yelling at me, "YOU DIDN'T SAVE ME TOYA! I'M DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU!" I remember his souless black void eyes from the nightmare that were nothing like Kia's beautiful brown eyes. I remember the souless eyes now, staring me in the face as they got larger and larger as his feet moved from under himself towards me. I try to move, not to run away but to give him a hug, and it doesn't work fir the first few tries, but as soon as he is only a few feet away from me, I rush up to him and give him a hug. He stared down at me with no sign of emotion, then reached into my chest, and tore my heart out.

That was when I woke up, and gladly the voices were still asleep. I remember my toes hitting the cold floor as I stepped carefully out of bed. I remember the soft new clothes I put on when I want to go outside for a little while and have my alone time. Despite the disgusting air, it was still better than being inside the cavernous mansion home of Mr. Soul.

I carefully made my way down the stairs from my room, jumping the last two as they were very creaky, and landing softly on the ground. I creaked open the door, cringing as it screeched open. Hopefully no one woke up to the awful noise that resounded from the large door as it swung open. I made my way outside into the cold air, the odor of the factories hitting my nose immediatly. I walked a ways towards the gate where there was a small hill that remained green after years of pollution. I love sitting on it and laying back, letting the soft grass tickle my skin.

That is what I was doing now. I had leaned bacm against the green sea of grass and let myself think. Think about how I failed yet again to raise my hand and yell that I volunteer to the world. I failed to save Odile.