just in case .| bustyn

'B.C. & D.C.'


-- says the wooden heart that Dustyn Chase placed in my hands before my heart of fickle flesh and blood was torn from the faltering shelter of my ribcage, and now the only remnants of us are in the splinters that stab into my fingertips.

---

It's terrifying, how quickly Dustyn Chase leaves my sight, as blurred by tears as it is. It takes a few minutes of catching my breath to move, with Candee's arm around me, Roxanne's hand on my back, and Artemis staring at me with a look of concern. I'm a storm of a girl crying acid rain and wailing out bolts of lightning from her lips, yet all the faces staring at me in the crowd show no fear -- just pity; pity for a girl who has lost herself. 

(Pity for a girl who's never had herself.)

Once my strength returns, I shrug off my possible saviors, offering no sign of thanks, just a simple -- "I'm fine." My voice shakes when I say it, legs nearly giving out when I rise up, but I flinch away from the limbs that come to catch me, starting to walk forward until I reach a decent pace. 

"Bette, please," they call. "Come back! You're not well!" My hand finds my cheek at this, wiping at the liquid now trickling now my skin. People on the streets watch as I continue my march, crying and gasping for breath, avoiding all offers for help, and by the time I reach the Justice Building, the men simply ask which tribute I'm there to see.

"Where is he?" I croak out, not brave enough to dare say his name. One offers a hand to escort me, but I do nothing until he drops it, hanging limply at his side. 

"This way," he replies, perhaps aggravated, but I don't care. He opens a door, and I think I'm ready for it, but when I see the love of my life standing before me, I can't help but to start running -- not away, as I had done so often as a child, but into his arms. The Peacekeeper shuts the door, not bothering to announce how much time we have left. I don't think about our inevitable parting, however -- hands wrapping around his torso, my screams muffled by his chest, and it breaks me to realize that the one sturdy thing in my life is sending me crashing down.

"Fuck you!" I screech, pulling back just to send a fist crashing into him. "Fuck you!"I repeat, more fire behind my words, but this time my fists are simply a weak clawing at his chest. "Fuck-... Fuck-...," I try to continue on, but no words can make it past the barrage of gasps leaving my mouth. I collide into him once more, screaming loudly against him until there's nothing left that can block my voice. 

"You can't do this to me," I say weakly, pulling back just a few inches, too scared to look up into those eyes that would surely kill me right here and now. "I love you. Dustyn Chase, I love you, and you can't do this. I-... You can't leave me. You promised me forever." My nails dig into him, trying to find something that can keep me from shattering into a thousand different pieces of one fucked up girl.

"I-... I'm sorry. Dustyn, I-... I shouldn't have-... I-... I'm a fool. I spent the last seventeen fucking years of my life being terrified of this, and now that I was finally brave enough to see you as my forever, you're-... You're-..."

Leaving?
Dying?

My hands find his face, and I finally let my eyes find his. "You're beautiful, Dustyn Chase. You're beautiful, and I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't give you forever -- but just know that you made my life mean something, when no one else could. Just know that, in case-... In case-..."

I kiss him, soft and tender, but with a scorching aftertaste.

"In case this is our last kiss."

---

'B.C. & D.C.'


-- Ripred, that's a beautiful thought.

table: zoë