sans montesquieu [ d2 . fin

"Aye, Papyrus,"

"Huh."

"What's a skeleton's pet snake called"

"Sans n-"

"A rattlesnake."

---

Honestly, the undergrounds aren't that bad. Really, the biggest pain is because I haven't seen peace since Papyrus learned how to talk; though, we're brothers you see. Blood siblings, I mean, in this house we're all family in a way, but Papyrus is family. My family, y'know, and if somebody messes with her then they're going to have a bad time, heh heh heh. But everybody loves Papyrus like I do, so there's not really much trouble her and her oblivious mouth can get her into. 

Ever since we came from the same bone zone, we were pretty much raised as twins - two years apart, but twins. I folded and unfolded her one-zees and tucked her into bed at night, and I was the one who read to her bed time stories. I still do, really, do you know what could've happened if I didn't? She's a really easy going person, but she could've died at least seven times had I not been there for her.

And of course, I got Papyrus here without dying a single time, isn't that good enough? 

They say I'm lazy, and I say knock, knock and they respond typically, and I say responsibilities, and they say "responsibilities who?" And I say, "exactly."  Of course, then they point out how little chores I do, and of course, I respond with "yup, just call me a sack of lazy bones," and dash out. Usually I just pay Papyrus to do my chores - only the great Papyrus could clean spaghetti stains in under 5 minutes. 

Y'see, I made the money down here. And I made the way to get money - cheap people out of there's, obviously, heh heh heh. They're just bolts that I request from Asgore when he goes out, with a cute little 'S' etched into the head. We mostly just use them to buy out of chores and pay people to request items from Asgore for them - lazy. I'm just filled with determination, that's all.

Also, a quick tip, goodbye's aren't allowed in this town, just see ya later's. Keep that in your skull.

Monsters like us don't leave the house very often, never actually. Just Asgore, and he's met with see ya later's, and I'm okay with it staying like that. Marilyn and I watch enough television to where I don't believe I'm that scared of the humans out there, but Papyrus is constantly on watch for them. She's just really excited to see her first, and to work under Undyne on how to human-proof the house even further and Papyrus is always asking me to tell her what they're really like, like I would know, and I always reply with, ya it's time to learn the truth, and she gets real excited and I inhale hard.

"The truth is, you got dunked on."

My brother is really cool, really, she's the coolest, and I look up to her in a way while she looks up to me in a way, and I think it's really cool how dedicated she is to following Undyne, who is the baddest bitch in the undergrounds apparently. When we were young, Asgore trained us two together, since he originally wanted careers like the ones I watch on tv while I'm not doing chores ever; Marilyn was there too, and she still trains with Undyne since she wants to be able to kill a man with her legs alone. 

And Asriel was, well. 

Undyne always has her one good eye on Alphys, and Alphys is always distracted between Undyne and her job for Asgore and watching Marilyn's shows - she's obsessed with those things. They're honestly not all that humerus to me, but it's whatever. So Papyrus doesn't really get that much career training out of Undyne, she mostly just gets her to fetch her spaghetti; Papyrus is really good at that. Spaghetti. Like me with hot dogs, but of course you gotta spend bolts on mine, still trying to figure out pricing for em, heh heh heh. 

But Greer is the real money maker, she's the only one more collected than me, honest. She's a constant drinking buddy, and after I tuck Papyrus in and kiss her forehead for the night, I sneak past the loose floorboard near my room to talk and drink with her and eat hot dogs. She doesn't eat the dogs much actually. Or talk much either, honestly. 

She just drinks. 

In silence. 

Except for my skeletal jokes - I could have a great job as a grave robber. 

And then I walk back to my room, stumbling past the loose floorboard and pushing the door open to pass out under the stars Papyrus and I drew on the window coverings - they're beautiful on saturdays. 
 

[ you're going to have a bad time. ]