Shadows of the Abyss {Iain one-shot}

I've grown accustom to this room as my hands run along the fabric on the back of the chairs. Taking in every last detail of district eleven has become my main priority. Kirito has already been inside to see me along with Tobias, and Laia, and every other person except Ikaia. I'll never forget the expression on his face as I saw him collapse towards the ground, but now he's free. Never again will he have to worry about having his name drawn from the ball. Never again will he have to worry about fighting for his life in the arena like his twin brother Kirito, but like everyone else in the family, he still has to watch me go through hell. Maybe I can win like Kirito, but the doubt weighs heavily in the back of my mind - right now it all feels impossible.

The creaking of the hinges break my train of thought as the door flies open, and striding through them is Ikaia. Tears stain his red, puffy eyes. His face is flushed. Normally I would run up to him and embrace him in a hug like I've never done before, but I'm standing here with only a short amount of time before they take me away from the district. The Capitol thinks they own me, and they want to show the world what happens when a district becomes hopeful. Yet I don't have to move because in a matter of seconds his arms are wrapped around me, and he's drawing me into a hug I've never experienced before.

"Iain-" His words are cut off by violent sobs racking through his body. My heart shatters into millions of tiny pieces as the tears sitting on the brim of my eyes slowly stream down the side of my face. Yet as quickly as they start, I blink them away. "Ikaia, listen to me."

Backing away slowly, I do whatever I can in order to make sure he understands what I'm about to say becaue he has to know. No matter what happens to me in the arena, I want him to stay strong. Not only for me, but for Kirito as well. I know not having Ikaia around has been a nightmare for him. "You can't just stop talking to Kirito. No matter what happens in the arena he's going to need you. Ikaia, if I die, you can't leave him alone. Not like you did when he returned home from the games." My chest is heavy as each word flies through my teeth. Hollow bones hold my body up, and my knees wobble under the weight of my body as the world presses heavily against my shoulders. It may not make sense right now, but I need him to understand.

And I don't give him the chance to speak because the moment he steps back to talk, I hold my hand up telling him to stop - hearing excuses isn't going to cut it right now. "Do you know the pain he went through? Do you understand what it was like for him? No, because you wasn't there for him. I need you to promise me that you'll never step away from him again. Promise me that when he returns home you'll stand by his side no matter what. You two are twins; you aren't meant to live like you're an only child." My face is hot, and I can feel my cheeks burning red. His eyes turn towards the ground. Guilt eats through my body, but it had to be done. Ikaia can't let Kirito deal with this on his own, and yeah, I might as well be giving myself up for dead because in the back of my mind I know it's going to happen.

Yet it doesn't make this any easier. I'm terrified. My entire body shakes. My hands are stiff by my side before I raise them to wrap around him. I can't imagine what Ikaia went through watching his brother journey through the horrors of the arena, but I was there beside him. "Ikaia, promise me. Please." I press my ears against his chest, and I can hear his heart racing. I can hear his lungs filling with air. I can feel his body tensing as he carefully wraps his arms around me once more. "Iain, I promise ya with my life that I'll always be there for him. I promise that I won't leave him behind like I did before. I promise. No mattah what I ain't gonna give up, but ya, Iain, hafta promise me ya ain't gonna give up on yarself."

An awkward silence fills the air around me, but I don't move. I hold onto this moment forever as time races. The countdown is on, and soon he'll be taken from me like everyone else. "Ikaia, I'm so afraid. I don't know what to do. I can't kill anyone. I can't follow in his shoes. I can't do it. I have no chance at winning. None at all. I don't want to die, Ikaia. I want to grow up and have my own family. I have so much I want to do, but they've taken it away from me." The world races around me as my body sinks into his arms, and for the first time since my name was drawn, I allow myself to cry. A river streams down my face. Tidal waves crash inside my body, and I'm a tiny boy left lifeless all those years ago when Tobias was dying in front of me. Worthlessness courses through my veins.

"I have no chance, Ikaia. I don't know what I did wrong. Why was it me? Why? Why do I have to fight through this?" Tears swim heavily down my face as violent sobs shake my entire body. Every muscle inside of my body quivers in fear as I wipe my nose on his shirt until his words fill my ears.

"I know ya're afraid, an' I ain't able ta imagine what ya're 'bout ta go through, but Iain, ya can't just give up on yarself like that. I know it looks bleak. Like ya ain't got nothin' ta work for anymore, but anythin' is possible. Ya gotta try. Ya gotta keep fightin'. I know ya don't wanna die. Ya gotta keep fightin' for that. Iain, ya're smart. Ya're brave. Please don't just give up." And I feel myself breaking even further.

Ikaia must be foolish to think I have a chance, but he wants me to try, and I can't deny him that. I can't refuse to fight, but how can I? How can I prove to him that I'm worthy? I'm just a child stuck in the adult world where not a single person outside my family cares. "Ikaia, I don't want to go. I don't want to leave. I don't want to die. I can't do it." I can't do it.

The door opens behind me, and the peacekeepers barge in the room shouting that the times up, but I don't want to let go of him, yet their hands wrap around him pulling him from me. I'm screaming at the top of my lungs. "Please don't take him from me! Please! Ikaia! Ikaia!" But my words fall on deaf ears. Nobody stops. Nobody changes it, and here I am lost trapped in a world spiraling out of control. His fingertips fall from mine, and the door quickly shuts behind him.

"Tobias! Kirito! Ikaia! Anyone! Please!" I scream as tears stream down my face falling faster and faster with each passing second. Collapsing towards the floor, I draw my knees to my chest. My fate was sealed the moment the escort called my name, and now nobody can save me.

Not even Kirito.

And the world stops moving around me. Time stands still. Because in the face of death nothing matters. Not time. Not the spinning of the world.

Only those left behind to mourn, but soon like everyone else they'll forget, and this time I have to find a way to create my own legacy. This a chance to show the world my family can't be messed with.

But the fear of death wraps around me in an icy embrace - an embrace I'll experience for the rest of my life.